Story Why do you want to CTB

[Mustkeyknow]

Me? I ruined my non-existent career by following wrong advice, then when I tried to revamp it blowed up in my face/realized it was too late. I know I'm not my career but it still hurts. Then I met my SO who's perfect in the career I want and it just sort of, made me crazy (I slit my wrists, ended up in a psychiatric hospital)

I know realize my life is ruined and I got psychical scars from it, how delicate we are as humans and how much the right/wrong career can damage a human being in this capitalist economy.

I don't think I can get back on track, lots of things are ruined beyond salvation, I lost my job and my parents are going crazy with my shenanigans, yet I'm not sure I want to CTB completely.

Sometimes I feel like a life of anxiety and depression is a thousand times better than no life at all, then again I think the opposite is also true.

I just want to sleep forever.

 

[Mr2005]

Well if you really want to know I decided I wanted plastic surgery and then did nothing to get it. Here I am sixteen years later without surgery, having wasted my life for no reason. As my dad says "what did you think was going to happen?"

 

[ctbUniquectb]

bad physical health in spite of great sacrifices ranking care of myself

women disliking me in spite of surmounting autism

getting a bachelor's not mattering in spite of brain injuries from the war

in short: some people should live. they can slack and work and dating will come to them. others should take the hint and give up

 

[TheEndof]

Too many reasons. The shortened version is that I'm too tired and the physical effects of my mental state are becoming too much for me to handle. I can hardly breathe properly anymore and I am having constant panic attacks. I've just about lost the willpower to fight. Despite everything, I always had some energy to fight through. But I'm afraid I've been fighting for too long and I'm now exhausted. Inevitable, it is what it is.

 

[TelstraSuckAFatOne]

Mental health issues that have only gotten worse over the last decade and debt that will take a lifetime to pay off. I'm not going to stick around living the life of a wage slave with my mind being in the state it is. I think about hurting people every hour but I'd much rather take my own life and finally be at peace with myself. My time is coming up I have a date set and the tools to succeed. I've had 2 failed attempts in the past and I can be certain it won't be 3.

 

[lovemelovemenot]

In short, and I've said this before, the only thing that would make life worth it to me is having friendship, love and purpose. I've been so alone my whole life in all aspects and have never felt like I belonged anywhere. I've never had a calling or talent that would give me some sense of fulfilment. I've been depressed from a young age and I'm just tired of hating myself and feeling miserable everyday. I've tried a lot to get better but nothing ever works. Death is the only way I can escape these feelings, and I'm not going to wait around until old age or some freak accident to happen to finally be at peace.

 

[Dead beat dad]

Me? I ruined my non-existent career by following wrong advice, then when I tried to revamp it blowed up in my face/realized it was too late. I know I'm not my career but it still hurts. Then I met my SO who's perfect in the career I want and it just sort of, made me crazy (I slit my wrists, ended up in a psychiatric hospital)

I know realize my life is ruined and I got psychical scars from it, how delicate we are as humans and how much the right/wrong career can damage a human being in this capitalist economy.

I don't think I can get back on track, lots of things are ruined beyond salvation, I lost my job and my parents are going crazy with my shenanigans, yet I'm not sure I want to CTB completely.

Sometimes I feel like a life of anxiety and depression is a thousand times better than no life at all, then again I think the opposite is also true.

I just want to sleep forever.

Hi brother, it sounds like you're in a really bad place.
Some people might say that we work to live not live to work.
I'm sorry your career has panned out as expected and it's caused you so much pain. You sound unsure which is not a bad thing and something many of us can relate to.
I'm in this place like so many other because i am just so sick and tired of it all. I no longer feel like I make a difference.
The world spins and we just bash on meaningless cymbals until our batteries die. I feel like a twisted utility in the hands of something larger and slightly sinister. I am not the meaningless cog in the machine, nor the raw material it consumes, but the toxic byproduct of it.
DBD

 

[MsMaudlin]

Physical pain from arthritis and fibromyalgia.
Losing my Mum suddenly then my first grandchild was stillborn a few weeks after that.
Crippling anxiety and depression.
Self loathing, put so much weight on with meds.
House is a mess.
Single most of my life, I fail at relationships.
What a catch eh?
❤

 

[Green Destiny]

This life, this world is way way too much for me to handle. My body is going to give out from working a labor intensive job for 6 years. Suffered multiple head injuries resulting in major loss in self reliance there-go I can't really make it in life by myself. Global warming, possible world destruction via us blowing ourselves up to oblivion and I'd rather not be around for if that does happen. You know, everyday stuff haha.

 

[maka]

If I'm being completely honest, I'm naive and gullible, and truly believe that if I die now, I have the possibility of coming back as a better looking, smarter individual with a better family. My main reason now is because I don't have anyone to fall back on, and I crave maternal love that I just can't get at home. It pains me knowing that I will be alone for the majority of my life, and now that my parents are sabotaging my plans to go off to college because they don't want me to have independence, I will be stuck in a toxic household for too long, which has already been detrimental to my mental health. I'm too weak to see my world fall apart, so I might as well just end it now and respawn.

 

[SHThrowAway213]

Short version is mental health issues and money problems.
The longer version is a bit more complicated

 

[C14]

Zero executive function, no friends, never going to be able to hold down a job due to adhd. Parents don't seem to believe in mental illnesses, and I am too tired to do anything to rectify my situation. I'd rather die than retake a year of highschool and lose the little social standing that I have left, so I am going to kill myself.

 

[Done here]

I have this inherent need to CBD, for 6 years now. I've survived a train and various other methods, and I'm sick of it. I never feel content or "full". I have fleeting moments of half-happiness but the need to leave always comes back.

 

[Crushed_Innocence]

Im going to kill myself because Im so desperate for a mans love that it almost killed me. Found out I have BPD at age 40 & feel worthless, valueless & hate that I can't participate in the nice things life has to offer like a nice relationship... fuck my e existence & this life. I hate it here & cant wait to leave ALL this stupid bullshit behind!

 

[ForensicallyAware]

I'm very unsocial (possible autism)
I don't like my looks
I fear physical decline and ageing
I completely lack purpose
We live in a soulless hell are ruled by scum and many people just suck

 

[AnthonyFrank]

old, broke, in debt, tried for years with no chance of fixing the issues.

"Most people do not want to die, they just do not want to live"

btw, I like people with DID or BPD. I find them interesting and challenging ...

 

[Ham Commander]

I've taken plenty of time to try and imagine my life in a few years and even assuming that somehow everything went as good as it possibly could, how good could it really be? That version of me just has access to a shotgun

 

[rntmss]

Guilt of ruining my marriage and a beautiful happy life that we had for 10 years together.

 

[televised_suicide]

I used to be quite a high achieving individual, found school easy, was proficient on the violin and got into a prestigious music school, but dropped out after one year because of intense anxiety which manifested itself in stomach pain and tremors, meaning my performances suffered. I then dabbled in some art and graphics design, which came quite naturally to me as a visual person, but the depression meant that I had no motivation to keep my output consistent.

I then went to study Anthropology at university, which I found fascinating and ignited a passion for left-wing politics, with particular interest in ideas about implementing socialism in a rapidly decaying world full of corrupt oligarchs and technocrats. But my mental health issues resurfaced once again post graduation, and since then I have struggled to muster up the strength to even work a minimum wage job, which means I'm haemorrhaging money fast.

I feel completely disillusioned about the state of the world, about my place in the world, and pretty scared about the future in general. I realised that I am too weak to survive in such a harsh environment, as I am already weighed down by trauma from an abusive childhood, living in poverty, and severe mental illness.

I have ruminated over my chances of survival by running simulations in my head, by taking my situation, capabilities, and disposition into account, and concluding that my prognosis isn't pretty. So I chose to save myself the hassle of living an undignified life of suffering, and catch the bus early instead.

 

[Deleted member 15256]

People love me, but never enough for fighting for me. And it's always a fight. Things can't never be easy.
I kept falling apart and fighting until there's no more fight left in me.
Just tired and sick

 

[socrates]

I'll never achieve my dream career
My teeth
MY OCD
I fear for the future of my society
and I don't want to leave Athens lol

 

[AnthonyFrank]

I'll never achieve my dream career
My teeth
MY OCD
I fear for the future of my society
and I don't want to leave Athens lol

So does that mean you are going to use Hemlock to expire ?

 

[Deathbydemo]

I have failed at life. It's really as simple as that.

 

[AnthonyFrank]

I have failed at life. It's really as simple as that.

Who life ? The life you have or the life everyone else wanted you to have?
Don't let morons tell you how to live !!!

 

[thouisdead]

In short, and I've said this before, the only thing that would make life worth it to me is having friendship, love and purpose. I've been so alone my whole life in all aspects and have never felt like I belonged anywhere. I've never had a calling or talent that would give me some sense of fulfilment. I've been depressed from a young age and I'm just tired of hating myself and feeling miserable everyday. I've tried a lot to get better but nothing ever works. Death is the only way I can escape these feelings, and I'm not going to wait around until old age or some freak accident to happen to finally be at peace.

Hey, have you studied philosophy? Tbh I've spent, and I still do, all my life being lost. I don't know how to do things that seem completely easy, as to relate with people and so on. When I discovered philosophy was like I've found a lot of persons, that lived through all the humane history, that felt the urge to explain everything. What means friendship, love, real relations and what is real human contact, between a vastness of subjects. Some of those have struggled with lack of purpose and found their way in life and in reality. I may want to ctb, but I'll always be grateful for them just by that fact that they struggled too. Maybe you should give it a try - if you haven't already.

If I'm being completely honest, I'm naive and gullible, and truly believe that if I die now, I have the possibility of coming back as a better looking, smarter individual with a better family. My main reason now is because I don't have anyone to fall back on, and I crave maternal love that I just can't get at home. It pains me knowing that I will be alone for the majority of my life, and now that my parents are sabotaging my plans to go off to college because they don't want me to have independence, I will be stuck in a toxic household for too long, which has already been detrimental to my mental health. I'm too weak to see my world fall apart, so I might as well just end it now and respawn.

I'm sorry if you have suffered for this long in a toxic environment, but please don't give up. If you think you can, by your own means, go to college and conquer independence, fight a little bit more. College may be hard, but depending on where you are, changes you and presents a new world. Please don't let your life, that I presume it's been short, be and end up in a cage.

I'll never achieve my dream career
My teeth
MY OCD
I fear for the future of my society
and I don't want to leave Athens lol

Hiiiii Socrates. Would you share the hemlock with me?

 

[socrates]

So does that mean you are going to use Hemlock to expire ?

Lol if the SN doesn't work

 

[elacnt]

Oh gosh, I see myself in so many of you guys. I can feel, understand and can relate so much because I feel exactly the same.
To sum up, I'm a mess. I want to CTB because of my mental state,
I can't handle it and life anymore, it has became too difficult to carry on and the pain is consuming me.

 

[Ringoooooo]

Trauma and other issues. But also feeling like the best years are gone.
I'm 20 so it sounds stupid coming from someone so young. But the amount of shit I've had in my life could make your head explode.
16-19 was the happiest years for me. A time where I was careless, cringy and carefree. The years were I finally knew what it was like to be a kid. I want to die with that.

 

[AlreadyGone]

Because life has taught me that I can never be happy.

 

[BPD Barbie]

I wanted to ctb because bipolar and BPD had ruined my life. I lost my job, in tens of thousands of pounds worth of debt, no life, no friends. I saw no other way out from the psychological pain and suffering I felt every single day.