Discussion Why do you want to ctb?

[alwayssad]

What was the main thing that made you start being suicidal and how long have you been thinking about ending it all? I think people who are suicidal were just depressed but still enjoying a bit of life but something happened at their life that just crushed them and made them suicidal.

 

[annointed_towers]

I blasphemed God and have been cursed. It's been two years now.

 

[Eyler]

I would say abuse and neglect, since I was 5, I been absolutely thinking about suicide, believe it or not your choice.

The amount of preassure that was already put onto me when I was 5 led me to be self-destructive to not only myself but maybe other people in some way.

I have changed overtime, but sometimes I fall in the category of thinking, that hey I'm still the same kid who doesn't understand anything.

I'll admit I still think about suicide but it wasn't that bad compared to old times, I'm still weak and exhausted.

Instead of CTB I'm just waiting a opportunity where I can easily be killed by someone, sickness or a sign that I can finally CTB.

 

[FuneralCry]

Because existence is very undesirable, in my case I've never wished to exist and have always found comfort in the thought of an eternal and dreamless sleep where all is forgotten about. I will always see death as preferable to suffering in this futile and cruel existence, all that existence ever causes is unnecessary problems and pain, to have the ability to exist is such a burden so of course I will always prefer to not exist.

And I see wanting to cease existing on my own terms as very rational as we are all just waiting around to die anyway, I don't see anything appealing about decaying from age in this existence where there is no limit as to how much one can suffer. Only eternal nothingness is ideal to me, I just wish to be at peace from what the true problem is, which is existence itself. And once I no longer exist then I won't be able to suffer, I'll simply be unaware.

 

[until death]

No more feelings

 

[Forever Sleep]

Initially, I was 10, morning 3 close family member's deaths and having a horrible time with a (suspected) narcissist. Following that, I suppose the suicidal thoughts were always there somewhere in the background and all the times life felt shitty- which was lots- they came to the foreground.

I'm not so sure you could blame my personal ideation on mental illness or depression- otherwise- it's been going on for 33 years! In which time- I've been fairly functional.

My personal circumstances are that I developed a coping mechansim to deal with all that childhood shit (an obsession with being creative) but- it's failing as a career now. So- especially over the past few years, my ideation has become stronger. It was always there though- since I was 10.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

The human condition is such an unwarranted burden

 

[Aim]

Mental illness

 

[prettycvnt]

Tired. A burden. No hope for change.

 

[baabbaabbaab]

Heavily harmed by psychiatry and psych drugs.

 

[SobGoblin]

I have failed at literally everything I have ever attempted in life. Any effort put forth? Pointless. My drive, motivation, and passions? Irrelevant. Who I am as a person? No one fucking cares.

I can't even off myself correctly. Which is why I keep coming back to this godforsaken site. Three attempts later and I'm still fucking here, and despite my efforts, nothing will ever get any better,

 

[bonkers570]

Severely harmed by psychiatric drugs.

 

[Pardoe84]

Severe Depression and PSSD (brain damage), i have anhedonia (no pleasure from anything), cannot feel substances (alcohol, cofee, weed), cognitive issues, emotional blunting, impotence (i cannot feel my penis).

 

[baabbaabbaab]

I have failed at literally everything I have ever attempted in life. Any effort put forth? Pointless. My drive, motivation, and passions? Irrelevant. Who I am as a person? No one fucking cares.

I can't even off myself correctly. Which is why I keep coming back to this godforsaken site. Three attempts later and I'm still fucking here, and despite my efforts, nothing will ever get any better,

I know many here see their failed attempts as failures.

But 3 attempts for what is one of the hardest thing in life ? Don't be too hard on yourself.

Severe Depression and PSSD (brain damage), i have anhedonia (no pleasure from anything), cannot feel substances (alcohol, cofee, weed), cognitive issues, emotional blunting, impotence (i cannot feel my penis).

It's part of my issues as well... Besides akathisia, dysautonomia... I thought I knew what suffering meant before all that : how wrong was I.

GL mate.