Why do you come to this site? Think deep and hard.

[nitrogen]

I've noticed that most SS'ers come to the site to seek supportive relationships rather than candid relationships.

I'd like to point out (again) that only the open and candid relationship/friendships can contribute to true self-acceptance. Most people lack self-approval, aka, they haven't developed a self-image that they can believe is both accurate AND acceptable. Since they lack or haven't figure out the techniques to attain true self-acceptance, they instead seek good opinions on themselves and validation from other people for self-approval, they attempt to present themselves to others in an appealing way. They easily get caught up in such quests so they're unable to see an honest reflection of themselves, they're easily affected by other people's opinions on them, they follow the mainstream values and established moral fashions specific to a group of people even if they disagree. Perhaps the biggest irony is that, unconsciously, they don't even believe those "compliments" from others are genuine and should be given full credit, because they know those compliments, validations and approvals are only based on the distorted self-image or only their most flattering angle they try so hard to present on the outside.

People come to this site for different reasons. An SS'er who's been having a deep long PM conversation with me decided to step back from this site a while ago. This is his thoughts: I realized that fundamentally what I was getting out of SS was a stirring of feelings that are very hard to access. That I'd found a shortcut to emotional intensity. But that it exists only in this artificial environment. This place nurtures a dynamic, ironically, of false positivity. It strips away the complexity of real-life with its pre-existing relations and the inescapability of our pasts while fostering selective openness and essentially mandating warmth - the perfect recipe for a 'hug to death' box. If you are going to ctb then that works. But it is heavily expurgated; it's not real. So if you're not going to ctb then it's just inviting a cycle of emotions like a fucking addict trying to escape interminable numbness.

I'm on this site mainly to gain knowledge on ctb methods and cope with my existence while ctb is constantly on my mind. SS is very useful to some people, but may not be so for others, could be especially tricky for those seeking recovery - it really comes down to your needs.

PS, I find certain members who insist on the purpose of this site being mainly "to support each other" troubling.

 

[former<redacted>]

Since they lack or haven't figure out the techniques to attain true self-acceptance, they instead seek good opinions on themselves and validation from other people for self-approval, they attempt to present themselves to others in an appealing way. They easily get caught up in such quests so they're unable to see an honest reflection of themselves, they're easily affected by other people's opinions on them, they follow the mainstream values and established moral fashions specific to a group of people even if they disagree. Perhaps the biggest irony is that, unconsciously, they don't even believe those "compliments" from others are genuine and should be given full credit, because they know those compliments, validations and approvals are only based on the distorted self-image or only their most flattering angle they try so hard to present on the outside.

Having read that, I realise that this describes me perfectly, and I'm not sure what to do with that knowledge.

As for the initial question, I've only just started coming here - I came here around a week ago after a random web search and found this site. It contains information I find to be useful, and doesn't discriminate discussion of the more... sensitive topics that other sites probably would. I registered today after being really upset and feeling exceptionally crap on a bus back to my accommodation. It gave me something to do, and whilst I don't really like participating in conversation (I feel very apprehensive every time I type a reply), reading things here gives me the information I want.

Maybe, if I'm still around in a few weeks/months, I might've gained something significant from this site - and that'd be amazing, whether it be the knowledge and means to actually stop being alive, or the motivation to stay alive - or maybe even something else.

I'm going to apologise in advance if none of that was sensical, I'm feeling really weird right now and just typing words that come into my mind, it's as though my ability to think critically has decreased significantly in the past few hours.

 

[Defenestrator]

I'm going to apologise in advance if none of that was sensical, I'm feeling really weird right now and just typing words that come into my mind, it's as though my ability to think critically has decreased significantly in the past few hours.

I've been like this recently, it's like being on a boat during a storm; up down up down - it's exhausting.

 

[WhyIsLife56]

I came here looking for a better method than just drowning or jumping off a building and luckily I did.

I spent most of my childhood and adulthood agonizing over how I was going to commit suicide. I deeply wanted to but I wasn't confident enough for it to succeed and it also took quite a time for me to even live alone as I was living with roommates previously.

I came to this website because I wanted to justify that suicide isn't wrong and luckily enough there are supporting people here as well but to also cope with existing.

I hate my existence with a passion. I wish I never existed in the first place.

It's nice to know I'm not alone in this. Because for my whole entire life, I was alone and lonely. Until I came to this site.

 

[PDAnnie2610]

I first came here with the mentality of seeking information on ctb. Having left therapy for years, I've suppressed the agonising thoughts deep within on taboo subjects concerning self harm and suicide. This site offers the platform of openness to discuss, share and support without destructive criticism and toxic positivity that's outside.

While I've allowed select few to know of the pain within, I can't tell them that I've SN, and that I'm actually ready to go.

I don't understand why it's so hard to love and be loved. I do know that the world is shallow - must I toss aside my values to be successful, or should I just ctb because I'm just a flab of lump..

 

[issyishere]

I come here because i'm in a dark place metaphorically right now. I'd rather be in a dark place with people who understand me and i understand them. Nobody on this site deserves to be in the dark alone. I'm sure for certain members this site could enable them when they could recover but i'm only really on when i'm having a really really bad day (which is the majority of them) I find it comforting to be able to see other people in the same mindset as I am. It makes me feel less alone, that somebody understands the inner (and outer) pain.

 

[TheDevilsAngel]

I come here to escape and be around like minded open people... I have found friends here ones that I have not come across irl... I find it helps me cope and forget some of the crap in my life. And I feel the support helps me

 

[HorribleFeelings1]

I'm honestly here for suicide methods, since researching suicide is what made me find this site.

 

[1DayItWillBover]

gain courage

 

[TheDevilsAngel]

I'm honestly here for suicide methods, since researching suicide is what made me find this site.

When i first joined that's what I was here for and slowly I opened up to people and got to know them, ever since I'm here... Sometimes I think this place is like fb for the suicidal .. I come here every morning, throughout the day and at night.

 

[WhyIsLife56]

I've noticed that most SS'ers come to the site to seek supportive relationships rather than candid relationships.

I'd like to point out (again) that only the open and candid relationship/friendships can contribute to true self-acceptance. Most people lack self-approval, aka, they haven't developed a self-image that they can believe is both accurate AND acceptable. Since they lack or haven't figure out the techniques to attain true self-acceptance, they instead seek good opinions on themselves and validation from other people for self-approval, they attempt to present themselves to others in an appealing way. They easily get caught up in such quests so they're unable to see an honest reflection of themselves, they're easily affected by other people's opinions on them, they follow the mainstream values and established moral fashions specific to a group of people even if they disagree. Perhaps the biggest irony is that, unconsciously, they don't even believe those "compliments" from others are genuine and should be given full credit, because they know those compliments, validations and approvals are only based on the distorted self-image or only their most flattering angle they try so hard to present on the outside.

People come to this site for different reasons. An SS'er who's been having a deep long PM conversation with me decided to step back from this site a while ago. This is his thoughts: I realized that fundamentally what I was getting out of SS was a stirring of feelings that are very hard to access. That I'd found a shortcut to emotional intensity. But that it exists only in this artificial environment. This place nurtures a dynamic, ironically, of false positivity. It strips away the complexity of real-life with its pre-existing relations and the inescapability of our pasts while fostering selective openness and essentially mandating warmth - the perfect recipe for a 'hug to death' box. If you are going to ctb then that works. But it is heavily expurgated; it's not real. So if you're not going to ctb then it's just inviting a cycle of emotions like a fucking addict trying to escape interminable numbness.

I actually agree with that.
People for the most part act on their emotions. If someone doesn't have any inclination that wouldn't commit suicide or end their life, being on a website like this would make them feel worse.

I really wish this website could be like in real life. Where there's no taboo on suicide. Where people can be ok with the idea of it. And be comfortable with death as well.

This website wouldn't have to exist. People wouldn't have to try to commit suicide in secret, worrying about being found or the terrible aftermath of it.

 

[Quarky00]

mandating warmth - perfect recipe for a 'hug to death' box.

Wouldn't mind that being a new world order maybe we wouldn't be here....

This place explores your death wish -- its cause or implementing it; not "do or die". Could help ctb, or just be a space, or support.

Stripping life complexities could be beneficial (or not). Escapism or toying with death or self-harm , can be good (or not). Like life itself , all these will involve emotions (false or true). I understand everything is futile and in vain (hey, that's why were here); but so are the complexities of life; or death.

TLDR: Sounds about right; but does it really matter .. lol

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I found the site while researching methods. I noticed people were very supportive of one another, little fighting, a lot of kindness and acceptance. I joined because I wanted to use the search feature, having google as a middleman was getting obnoxious. But I am naturally social and quite isolated, so I started interacting. And I noticed that the more I interacted, the more it's helped me process.

That said, I would not want to stay on the forum forever, not if I decide against ctb. I crave one exactly like it for other subjects. It is an excellent model. And I thrive in forums when they are good.

I'm part of another community that does conference calls. They're not very supportive though they claim that's the purpose. I've considered starting a forum in that community following this model. I can see a need for it. Only I'm also considering ctb...

 

[Starrywaters]

I am not currently actively suicidal. I take my medication daily and that seems to be keeping me steady for now but I continue to come here because I genuinely in my soul know what leads people here - how they feel.


It helps me to be able to speak with no barriers to people who also understand. Suicide is uncomfortable, it's awkward to talk about, done in whispers and secret.. here it isn't off limits or hidden. It's a freeing place to be in many ways.

 

[Circles]

It's the only place where I feel understood, it's helped me find a more reliable method and plus the loneliness gets so unbearable that I can't stand being all by myself with all this going on. The only person in my family I'm able to talk to about this is my mom but it's gets too much for her, therapy doesn't help one bit, I have no friends or acquaintances whatsoever, and any other online communities either censors the fuck out of anything suicide related and/or are full of pro-lifers trying to convince you that life is worth all the bullshit and makes me feel like an alien since most people just cannot grasp or really understand what this is actually like.

 

[charlottewilts]

i agree that this site could be really detrimental to those who have only recently found themselves in a dark place. however, having read the stories of many members, i've found that this is - for the most part - not the case. most of our lives have been permeated with darkness for a very, very long time. it's not all that bleak, i do find that people will not usually give out advice on methods before asking about & offering advice on how to resolve issues the OP is having. though i do worry about the information on methods being readily available for guests to view...

and for all the guests reading this thread right now, i do hope that if your issues are of temporary nature that they will be resolved soon. i implore you not to do anything rash. it can be quite tempting, but please... please think things through, and try to exhaust other options before coming back to this forum. i've lurked on here for a long time before joining, so i can relate. i sincerely hope you will all be well.

 

[WhyIsLife56]

i agree that this site could be really detrimental to someone who has only recently found themselves in a dark place. however, having read the stories of many members, i've found that this is not the case. most of our lives have been permeated with darkness for a very, very long time. it's not all that bleak, i do find that people will not, for the most part, give out advice on methods before asking about & offering advice on how to resolve issues the OP is having. though i do worry about the information on methods being readily available for guests to view...

What's interesting is that there's more guests than members viewing the site..

 

[MachinaArcana]

I'm not sure if there has to be a single purpose for this site... whether it's providing information, guidance, support, compassion, understanding - and yes, even love in the form of human kindness - which so many on here have been deprived from - SS is all these things rolled into one. And that makes it so precious.

I've been a long time lurker but only signed up now that my ctb plans are really taking shape, and it's drawing near.

And even if I can find only a handful of the aforementioned things on here, I know it will help me tremendously - more than anyone in my direct surrounings ever could.

 

[Empty Smile]

What's interesting is that there's more guests than members viewing the site..

I've noticed this. It's always that way.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

and any other online communities either censors the fuck out of anything suicide related and/or are full of pro-lifers trying to convince you that life is worth all the bullshit

This.

I just went through it in my other community. We have a high suicide rate, yet they refuse to discuss that is a rational response. Just for bringing it up, I was accused of being pro-death, told to find other resources, told I should know better, etc. At first the topic was treated like a monster, then I was the monster for bringing it up, when it's the underlying cause that is the monster; it's what created the need for the community, and why so many of us ctb. It's all pretty hopeless and really painful, and for a minute I had to be their scapegoat for it. They needed to feel powerful and in control. It's sad. We're all victims in the group, but any time someone asks for genuine help, they go on the attack; either agree to their coping mechanisms or find another resource.

So here I am....

 

[Backwood_tilt]

I'm on this site mainly to gain knowledge on ctb methods and cope with my existence while ctb is constantly on my mind. SS is very useful to some people, but may not be so for others, could be especially tricky for those seeking recovery - it really comes down to your needs.

I think the divide you are speaking of, i have always interpreted in terms of folks who are impulsive and need emotional support, and folks who are more committed to CTB and need that emotional support much less. There's not much that can be said when one's mind is made up. This is reflected even in the site design, and i recently made a post in the feedback subforum discussing exactly that.

The only useful thing, as you say, is to minimize the risk of CTB failure and and ensure a quick and painless departure. Although, i will say i also do benefit from just being able to talk to folks more truthfully about my real intentions, and not be judged or dissuaded from it. I'm grateful for that, but i think we'd be better off better containing and curating the info we do have on methods.

PS, I find certain members who insist on the purpose of this site being mainly "to support each other" troubling.

Totally. We have "life fetishizers" aplenty here.

 

[Empty Smile]

I've come here for several reasons.

One was to figure out what method I want to use, although I've always been set on hanging or CO.

The second was to be able to talk to people in the same boat/mind frame I am in. I don't communicate with people irl, but I am more open here.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

PS, I find certain members who insist on the purpose of this site being mainly "to support each other" troubling.

Could you elaborate? I don't quite understand what you mean, so I don't know if I'm troubled, untroubled, or indifferent!

 

[56709]

Indeed.
I came here for information of ctb methods and to commiserate with people who were suicidal. The supportive atmosphere comes off as trite and of questionable value.
Something more straightforward and cathartic might actually be better to help some people achieve emotional relief and remission from their suicidal thoughts.

 

[WhyIsLife56]

Could you elaborate? I don't quite understand what you mean, so I don't know if I'm troubled, untroubled, or indifferent!

I think it means as in people who have no inclination of committing suicide. It would be better if those people not be on a suicide website where it involves suicide and death. You can get support anywhere not just this website.

 

[Backwood_tilt]

You can get support anywhere not just this website.

Bingo.

 

[LegaliseIt!]

It's the only place where I feel understood, it's helped me find a more reliable method and plus the loneliness gets so unbearable that I can't stand being all by myself with all this going on. The only person in my family I'm able to talk to about this is my mom but it's gets too much for her, therapy doesn't help one bit, I have no friends or acquaintances whatsoever, and any other online communities either censors the fuck out of anything suicide related and/or are full of pro-lifers trying to convince you that life is worth all the bullshit and makes me feel like an alien since most people just cannot grasp or really understand what this is actually like.

@Circles, thank you for saying exactly what my situation is. I can't ctb until circumstances allow, and this might be months.
I'm certainly not going to feel comfortable on Pinterest until my time comes.

I do feel like I have been around here too long.
I'm not looking for support, but I am feeling safe here until I have two days to myself to ctb. And yes, I envy those of you that don't have these constraints.

I refuse to be judged for my continued presence here.

I'm not looking for validation.
I'm looking for the next bus to my station.

Will I support others while I'm here?
You bet your a** I will.

No one joins this site without a lifetime of pain.

I have done some things in my life that requires daily atonement, and comforting others has been part of my daily ritual for years. This isn't a religious thing. It's a human being thing.

 

[Mud.]

I come here because I'm stuck above the impact zone in the North tower on September 11. I know I'm screwed. All the stairs are gone. The heat is incredible and I've just seen the South tower collapse. My choices are few. I can either jump, burn up or wait till the tower collapses.

I come to this forum to talk with and to read posts written by people who are in the same situation. Their courage, dignity and determination strengthen my own.

And although I wish everyone the very best on this board, to the point where I wish they never felt the need to come here in the first place, I admit, with some shame, I also take comfort in knowing that the figures in the smoke around me are other, real people.

CTB is an awfully lonely affair.

 

[Quarky00]

@Mud. , I felt all reactions , but cannot click all , so :
Useless of me , but cant find words ..
kinda pierced my heart
Stupid shitty icons.

 

[JustHeckinKillMe]

gain courage

This