I really understand, no matter what I'd never want to exist, to me existence is the most torturous, dreadful and evil abomination that just causes harm and suffering torturing existing beings, all I want is for this existence to be all gone, forgotten and erased for me, to suffer in this horrific reality truly is the most terrible undeserved punishment.
I've never been able to understand why anyone would wish for the torture of existing, there's just so much evil in existing with existing beings tortured in agony every second, I'll just always see existence as the most terrible, dreadful mistake that just causes harm with no limit as to how much one can be tortured, for me only non-existence is positive and desirable, only in eternal non-existence will I be at peace from all pain and suffering, it's always torture to be conscious in this existence.