Venting why do so few people actually try to help?

[_Minsk]

it feels like many people don't get actual help irl, especially from family. its always like "oh no, person x/y committed suicide", but before that, no one seems to be interested to help, or even at least emotionally, like with listening. its like no one actually cares. tbh, i cant remember the last time where someone actually just did listen and tried to understand. maybe im wrong, but it feels like people love to just give some crappy nonsense advice, or just compare your situation (which they don't even get at all) to some other crap, expecting you to feel better. do someone else feel that way too?

 

[Rünomai]

I do, but I cannot blame these people for various reasons.

 

[Lilacmoon]

It's hard to help someone. It's easier to pretend to care after they're gone. People like to take the path of least resistance, I think?

 

[BitterlyAlive]

In my experience, a lot of people simply don't have the aptitude or capabilities to help like we need.

 

[whywere]

I am 100% in agreement with you on his. I wonder if it is not "human nature" to 1) "look" the other way..ie do not give help and/or care 2) others, I have had a few in my life, I am 64 years young, who "do not want to get caught up" in other peoples "affairs"..ie do not care at all 3) humans by nature are greedy, self centered and self absorbeded. Now with that said, that is why this site and ALL of us are here. To look out and help one another, no matter where that journey may take someone. Please try and remember that we are here for you! All the most vibrant sunrises and sunsets go out to you as you are a very special person. Your thread shows that. Take care my sanctioned suicide global family member!

 

[HadEnough1974]

it feels like many people don't get actual help irl, especially from family. its always like "oh no, person x/y committed suicide", but before that, no one seems to be interested to help, or even at least emotionally, like with listening. its like no one actually cares. tbh, i cant remember the last time where someone actually just did listen and tried to understand. maybe im wrong, but it feels like people love to just give some crappy nonsense advice, or just compare your situation (which they don't even get at all) to some other crap, expecting you to feel better. do someone else feel that way too?

And when their son or daughter is dead, the family passes it off as "they had mental health issues, we tried our best". Or even better, blame someone else for the suicide, like this forum!!

 

[DyingAlf]

I guess most people wouldn't know how to help.
Hey I'm suicidal & I wouldn't know how to help & despite trying so many things I haven't found anything that actually helps (changes anything) in any meaningful way.
So if someone told me they were suicidal I'd care & I'd listen & I'd help them setup a GP appointment (if they wanted) but beyond that?????

 

[BipolarGuy]

it feels like many people don't get actual help irl, especially from family. its always like "oh no, person x/y committed suicide", but before that, no one seems to be interested to help, or even at least emotionally, like with listening. its like no one actually cares. tbh, i cant remember the last time where someone actually just did listen and tried to understand. maybe im wrong, but it feels like people love to just give some crappy nonsense advice, or just compare your situation (which they don't even get at all) to some other crap, expecting you to feel better. do someone else feel that way too?

I totally agree, 100%.

People can be mean, judgemental, unhelpful, and sometimes actually make you feel worse (sometimes on purpose).

But when you do something it's all
"Oh what a shame, we loved him/her so much and this has come as a total shock".

 

[Life_is_comedy]

it feels like many people don't get actual help irl, especially from family. its always like "oh no, person x/y committed suicide", but before that, no one seems to be interested to help, or even at least emotionally, like with listening. its like no one actually cares. tbh, i cant remember the last time where someone actually just did listen and tried to understand. maybe im wrong, but it feels like people love to just give some crappy nonsense advice, or just compare your situation (which they don't even get at all) to some other crap, expecting you to feel better. do someone else feel that way too?

Because it honestly ruins their vibe or whatever they have going on with their life. They view us as "negative", "downers" or some sh*t and they don't want that. It's gonna disrupt whatever shallow thing going on in their lives. It's crazy how nobody cares when you're alive, then post stupid crap in their social media accounts or say something patronizing like "He/she should've opened up. We would be there for him/her," when you're dead. I've seen these stories play out over and over again. Human beings are just egotistic, selfish and self-centered plain and simple. Human society is like a social ladder where everyone wants to go climb up. It's a race to the top and unfortunately we are the ones who are unfortunate enough to got trampled on, pulled down or ditched by everyone else climbing on said ladder. It's kinda sad to even picture out but we really are just crabs in a bucket.

 

[Eren]

maybe im wrong, but it feels like people love to just give some crappy nonsense advice, or just compare your situation (which they don't even get at all) to some other crap, expecting you to feel better. do someone else feel that way too?

Completely agree. My mother when I try to tell her something or less appreciates my problems comparing them with hers or giving generic advice.

For example, I have had severe insomnia for a few years. The only thing she tells me is "relax" or "if you get nervous it's worse" etc ... and she had depression years ago and got out of there, and she says "I got out of depression without medication and without anything" comparing my insomnia and any other problems you have with it.

Also, sometimes he just doesn't believe my problems or he thinks I'm exaggerating them, that's why I don't tell him absolutely anything about what happens to me.

 

[TooConscious]

Too much truth here it's so sad. We are a failed species and have proved this time and time again we eve tually cause nothing but suffering and destruction to anything positive een within ourselves.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

The reason(s) can differ from person to person. Not everyone that cannot help is "bad". Helping someone who is suicidal requires knowledge and skills which many do not possess, it also takes a lot of empathy to try and understand what someone else is going through, and even then it is not possible to truly understand anothers mind. It is not that they are unwilling to help, because they do care, they are just unable. On the other hand there are also some individuals who refuse to help simply because they do not care. These could be considered the "bad" individuals.

Basically: There are 2 sides to it.

 

[ending80]

Or when family says to you if you ever try something like that or do that to them they would never forgive you. Don't they understand it's not what I want, I have no choice and don't want to hurt them. But instead of thinking I might need their help I more or less get threatened with losing them if I fail

 

[Eren]

The reason(s) can differ from person to person. Not everyone that cannot help is "bad". Helping someone who is suicidal requires knowledge and skills which many do not possess, it also takes a lot of empathy to try and understand what someone else is going through, and even then it is not possible to truly understand anothers mind. It is not that they are unwilling to help, because they do care, they are just unable. On the other hand there are also some individuals who refuse to help simply because they do not care. These could be considered the "bad" individuals.

Basically: There are 2 sides to it.

sometimes the "help" generates more problems, sometimes it is better to say nothing than to give generic advice.

 

[almost_dead]

Its because we are not willing to listen to each other . Instead of understanding the problem of others we just try to impose our own will on them and that might do more harm than good

 

[Sprite_Geist]

sometimes the "help" generates more problems, sometimes it is better to say nothing than to give generic advice.

Yes this is true. This is why the first category of people that I mentioned may refuse to help, because they do not know what to say without sounding generic like you have said.

 

[ending80]

I never tell anyone my intentions. They suspected from a question I had to ask. I know I recovered from it without to much attention drawn to myself but I still can't believe someone would say don't ever do that to me??? Like I was not involved in that equation somehow

 

[Mr2005]

it feels like many people don't get actual help irl, especially from family. its always like "oh no, person x/y committed suicide", but before that, no one seems to be interested to help, or even at least emotionally, like with listening. its like no one actually cares. tbh, i cant remember the last time where someone actually just did listen and tried to understand. maybe im wrong, but it feels like people love to just give some crappy nonsense advice, or just compare your situation (which they don't even get at all) to some other crap, expecting you to feel better. do someone else feel that way too?

I repeated over and over what would help only to be given pills

 

[Jellyfish42]

People say a lot of mental health issues stem from childhood. Issues which have had years to fester and consume people. I don't know how an average person is even able to help with something like that.

 

[Broken Chimera]

Most people generally don't care imo. People don't want to do anything until it's too late. Then they'll look at anything and everything to avoid looking at themselves. Then they'll do the same thing for the next suicidal person. Most people don't learn from their mistakes sad to say.

 

[FlightlessSwan]

I think it has to do with fear and overwhelming emotions. They are scared they might say the wrong thing (if they aren't trained professionals) and it starts to get to them, especially if they are struggling as well. I have tried to help people but then I start spiraling and if I don't get away I will do something I will regret. But that is just my personal experience and most certainly does not apply to everyone.

 

[Ghost2211]

I think a lot of times people want to help, but the don't know how. Also, not everything can be helped.

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

helping can take a toll on people, and sometimes it gets to be too much for them. sometimes, they don't know how to help in the first place.

and sadly, sometimes, they don't care enough to help. or if they can't show to everybody that they helped you, they won't do it.

 

[BlueOcean]

The reality is most people don't care enough to handle the emotionally taxing labour of helping a mentally ill person. Which is fine. I can't fault them. However, this is why we need to destigmatize suicide, because the breadcrumbs thrown at us sufferers by society simply aren't enough to help.

 

[Eren]

The worst thing is that when a person finally CTB, the same ones who gave him advice like "cheer up" or "relax" will be surprised and ask "why didn't you tell me about your problems?"

 

[Lmd]

People usually don't know how to help or what to do. Sometimes they are trying their best too. I can't blame them because I don't even know what I need to be better.

 

[DyingAlf]

They are scared they might say the wrong thing (if they aren't trained professionals)

The "trained professionals" are the ones who have said most of the wrong/worst/most unhelpful things to me.

 

[ending80]

Don't get me wrong, I know it's hard to know what to say. It's just don't they know they are the reason I struggle to stay. I'm afraid to hurt them. And then to be afraid to lose them if I fail is terrifying

 

[FlightlessSwan]

The "trained professionals" are the ones who have said most of the wrong/worst/most unhelpful things to me.

i am really sorry that that happened to you. I've been through a few therapists and I have definitely had my fair share of them that really shouldn't have that as their job

 

[Stick]

My therapist can barely help me and it's her job to care. She does her best but even with years of training and experience and dedicated time just for helping me myself and I, she can only do so much.
I really don't expect a "normal" person to be capable of helping me at all, caring or no.