Venting Why do people tell you there's still a chance to turn things around but then refuse to help you get there?

[Life_is_comedy]

I've tried reading stories where someone got through the odds and turned their lives around but they are mostly young and below 30. The only story I've read that was past 40 was Colonel Sanders and EVEN he had connections and friends who helped him, which is really just a stroke of luck and due to his support system. I'm already nearing 40 and yet I have nothing to show for in my life. It doesn't even help that I have no connections, no friends, not even acquaintances that respect me and no relatives who I'm close with. I tried calling people today to just hang out and relax and they literally just brushed me off. They even hurriedly wanted to get out of the house because they knew I was coming. How did I know? I found them scrambling to get into their car as I was nearing their house.

Imagine being unwanted and rejected wherever you will go. And this is in my own f*cking hometown and city where I grew up, worked, studied and lived. Imagine if I actually transferred to another place, it would be worse where I practically know no one. What makes it so infuriating is that these same people will give you a false sense of hope and tell you "We're just here for you if you need any help. You can count on us," then ditch you and avoid you like the plague if you do approach them. WTF? I'm not even asking for any money or anything. All I want is someone to talk to, just chill out and develop friendships at the end of the day. I can't imagine actually turning things around at my age and starting over when even something as simple as trying to talk and visit someone is such a burden and a high ladder to climb.

 

[whywere]

WOW!!! You and me are so alike on this. I am 64, yes 64 years young and boy did you hit the nail on the head. I have had my share of mess ups in my life and I am NOT rich, ZERO connections, and YES I have people brush me off all the time. Heck, when my "parents" died they left my older brother in U.S. dollars $2,000,000 and my younger sister $500,000 and I was not mentioned in the will so I got ZERO! Now with that said even my brother and sister have 100% brushed me off and do not want me to contact them again ever! NOW, for me at least, I look at it this way, I leave with what I came with, I have all my friends here. Take care!

 

[Worndown]

Because talk is cheap.

 

[Life_is_comedy]

NOW, for me at least, I look at it this way, I leave with what I came with, I have all my friends here. Take care!

At least you have friends, I practically have none. They all brushed me off after the incident that happened to me with one "close" friend of mine who happened to be a psychopath and harassed me non-stop by posting obviously false things and tarnishing my reputation online through social media.

What makes it worse is that my abusive father, who gaslights me every chance he gets, doesn't do a damn thing about it when he has the power to put a stop to it. He has connections and we are part of the elite in the city after all. He just lets me get devoured by wolves for some reason, while my younger brother who was a drunkard, has been imprisoned due to a hit and run and driving under the influence gets help every step of the way when he is in deep sh*t. He's now a lawyer of course so they parade this as him turning things around while I am the embarrassment who doesn't get any help. Then when I point and bring this out, he just whisks it off and passes it off as "A thing of the past," or "It's all in your head," and worse, "You have [insert PSYCH Mental illness here]." It's as if my experiences don't count and it's all made up. Yeah, f*ck you dad. You've been a great influence and a model father to me so far you fucking abusive piece of shit. *sarcasm*.

After that, all my connections and acquaintances practically disappeared overnight. It's amazing what one word of mouth and the internet can do. The internet and social media has made destroying your reputation more potent than it was.

 

[clayp]

I know this is a suicide page but it's never too late to start again. You have a virtual friend here if you need one.

 

[Life_is_comedy]

I know this is a suicide page but it's never too late to start again. You have a virtual friend here if you need one.

I know you're trying to help but I doubt just posting or chatting here will help me in this feeling of loneliness, isolation and having no one around. I am a social pariah in my community and the only reason I'm even alive is because I come from a culture where it's okay for children to live with their parents' house even after you're an adult. Extended families and households are a thing in my country. It's not surprising to have 3-5 families living in one roof where I come from. If I was actually living in the west like in Europe or America, I'd already be long gone, homeless and living in the streets. Probably dead due to being stabbed or being abused by people as a beggar.

Still not the way to live though. I have no one and nobody in my life and people who profess to help and be there for you are just that - all talk. They talk the talk but can't walk the walk.

 

[Sinkinshyp]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I apologize for the novel long reply. I know we aren't the same as those you've known real life but I am willing to be a friend here and I'm sure others are as well.

My mom, bro, sis in law and 3 nephews live with me ( nephews are 3, 5 & 9) I know they love me so I am not totally alone. I have had a very serious talk with my mom about my CTB coming in October to end up double teamed 2 days later with her and my bro. Due to my depression I isolate myself in my bedroom. Even then my bro checks on me a few times a day to bring me dinner he thinks I'll eat if he brings it to me usually I tell him bag it up I'll eat it later. Sometimes he will come in and say are you ok? just checking on you. He has expressed fear of finding me dead one day. I have told them don't worry I wont do it here, I don't want to put them through that trauma especially the kids. My younger son will be 20 in january he moved out 3 months after turning 18. The loss of his brother and mother the way he knew her has caused distance between us. I guess he does love me but for his mental health he keeps me at a distance.

As far as friends I can relate. Due to my social anxiety and wanting to avoid negative influences around my kids I didn't have many friends. 1 true friend passed a couple of years before my son. My other 3 were my bros ex wife and a woman I considered best friend since ohh 2008? I think. Both have moved into my home at least 3x. In fact my bros ex wife, her bf, my 2 nieces and older nephew and their 3 dogs moved into my home monday my son died friday. She was there for me to an extent only because she was under my roof. I paid her to move 2 months later and there went her I'm here for you. My other best friend from 2008- had moved into my home 3x in the past. She called me the day she saw on facebook my son died. I have expressed to her my desire to CTB and got that normal your selfish talk. Has she called to say hey how are you doing? nope not once. I'm very honest on my facebook page and more days than not post a picture of my older son and saying I can't wait to join you buddy. She doesn't reply or call to check on me. I guess I was a "friend" when she needed a roof.

About 3 weeks ago I was going through my soul deep hysterical crying over my son. I opened my phone and couldn't find 1 person to call. My brother did his knock and came in at that moment. I said to him ya know in movies when people are going to commit suicide and they have that friend to call and say good bye? I said look I have no one to call who would care...

I'm supposed to be 49 the end of next month. I spent life since I was 20 being a mostly single mom. A few months ago I thought about going back to school. I've wanted to be a veterinarian since I was at least 5. I can't think of what else I want to be but it's 12 yrs of school and I'm to old for 12 yrs of school. If I could get out of my depression I might look at doing a 4yr degree at something. You are NEVER to old to try school if it will improve your life. Even at 30 a 4 yr degree isn't to long if it will improve life for you.

People I guess might not know how to relate to us in our depressed state. I would assume for most it's easier to avoid us not knowing just giving us 5 minutes, a hug, just being there could make a world of difference.

I'm so sorry you are alone. For what it's worth I am here and I know many others are as well.. sending you love and hugs

 

[whywere]

At least you have friends, I practically have none. They all brushed me off after the incident that happened to me with one "close" friend of mine who happened to be a psychopath and harassed me non-stop by posting obviously false things and tarnishing my reputation online through social media. After that, all my connections and acquaintances practically disappeared overnight. It's amazing what one word of mouth and the internet can do. The internet and social media has made destroying your reputation more potent than it was.

I totally agree with you as far as the internet can really mess with ones reputation. My friends that I talked about is EVERYONE here on ss. In my life outside of here I have ZERO freinds and family. Please take grreat care of yourself.You are such a caring person.

 

[Mr2005]

It goes fast doesn't it? I'm 34 and in exactly the same place I was at 17. I've years worth of birthday cards all saying "I hope this ones better for you" but no one ever did anything to make it better . It was up to me all along. It just took me a long time to figure out. Social media may be toxic but it sure would have been useful back then so I had someone that understood. Who knows how differently it might have gone? My friends have moved away now, some have even died and I wasted the last opportunities I ever had to see them. I've never had a job. I don't think I ever knew what I wanted to do so was just delaying life. Feel I've missed out.

 

[Life_is_comedy]

It goes fast doesn't it? I'm 34 and in exactly the same place I was at 17. I've years worth of birthday cards all saying "I hope this ones better for you" but no one ever did anything to make it better . It was up to me all along. It just took me a long time to figure out. Social media may be toxic but it sure would have been useful back then so I had someone that understood. Who knows how differently it might have gone? My friends have moved away now, some have even died and I wasted the last opportunities I ever had to see them. I've never had a job. I don't think I ever knew what I wanted to do so was just delaying life. Feel I've missed out.

This is what hurts the most. I'm trying but you really can't get back up unless someone is willing to help you also. I have a job and I make decent money at least in my country but what good is all this when I have nothing or no one to even build a life with it? And it's not like I'm asking for the impossible like money or material things. All I want is someone to talk and chill out with. Why is it so hard and such a hurdle?

 

[Mr2005]

This is what hurts the most. I'm trying but you really can't get back up unless someone is willing to help you also. I have a job and I make decent money at least in my country but what good is all this when I have nothing or no one to even build a life with it? And it's not like I'm asking for the impossible like money or material things. All I want is someone to talk and chill out with. Why is it so hard and such a hurdle?

I'm incredibly lucky to have a partner but what happened in the past is destroying what I've got in the present. Between the two of us I'd say we have a complete life

 

[GoneGoneGone]

. They all brushed me off after the incident that happened to me with one "close" friend of mine who happened to be a psychopath and harassed me non-stop by posting obviously false things and tarnishing my reputation online through social media.

What exactly happened? Do you mind sharing?
People talk the talk to be polite.
As to taking concrete steps to help you, it means taking responsibility over outcomes as well, which they cannot guarantee. They're just selfish.

Before my attempt I told some friends that I was suicidal, and they blocked me... People are self-interested and they will talk to you when you have something that they need from you.

But this community is here to help.

As for your father... no comment. I will say though that maybe he helped your brother more because based on his history he seemed to need more help maybe? Just speculating.

 

[muffin222]

I'm sorry you're in this predicament. Talk really is cheap. A lot of people just throw out empty words about how "it gets better!" because it makes them feel like they've done something to help you without actually having to exert any real effort to help.

 

[Life_is_comedy]

What exactly happened? Do you mind sharing?

I'd love to share my story here but due to what I undergo through in social media and the internet I don't wanna spill the beans. People might know who I am and that could lead me to being identified being "suicidal" and that would push on the people who harass me to do it more. Let's just say I've become a bit careful and reasonably paranoid trying to identify myself online.

 

[Life_is_comedy]

I'm sorry you're in this predicament. Talk really is cheap. A lot of people just throw out empty words about how "it gets better!" because it makes them feel like they've done something to help you without actually having to exert any real effort to help.

Yep, and when you actually follow through with their word they avoid you like the plague. Talk is really cheap.