Venting Why do people care about the others around them and don't kill themselves because of them?

[Zaynaldeen]

Why would you torture yourself because your parents 'might' be sad when you commit suicide? Personally, I don't give a damn about others and I would especially not keep myself from doing something for the sake of others. My mother's father died, okay she was sad for a couple of days and then she forgot about it. Like honestly, do yourself a favor and don't care about others feelings. I learned this through social interactions and how people treated me. Nobody cared about me, so why should I care about anyone's feelings?

'Oh no my family will be sad!'
Yeah they might, but you'll be history real quick.

 

[TAW122]

I think some people do put others before them and also, maybe religion as well as upbringing and personal values may have a factor in them deciding to stay longer on this Earth just to minimize or delay the pain as much as they can. Personally, I know if it is my time to go, then I will be determined to go, regardless of the feelings of others. However I will do my best to minimize the pain as much as I can if/when I do.

 

[ShadowOfTheDay]

Sigh. I wish I could believe that.

 

[Alecsa]

I guess this situation is very much dependent on the bonds certain people form. You seem to have reached the state of apathy, which makes things a lot easier for most. People struggle because they probably feel like they have obligations and responsibilities to fulfill to the people they have formed connections with. Probably something to do with ego as well, it's common to seek solace in the thought of you being important, and a part of another person's life. Sure, they'll get over things, but sometimes it's the guilt and regret that takes over them.

As for me, it's not that it stops me, but I just want everything to go as smoothly as possible. I cannot say that people I will be leaving behind hurt me, or did not care, hence I still would rather not inconvenience them, and/or pass on the pain. Throughout my life I have always felt like a burden to others, the last thing I want to do is still be that burden up until I ctb.

 

[Jamba]

I love my family but the agony is way too much to handle, fuck that. When my N comes, im gone

 

[elizabeth.luck]

I am the oldest of three. One of my siblings is "normal." My other sibling is severally disabled (cannot live alone, cannot speak, needs 24-hour care) and I am severely mentally disabled but able to make the rational choice for myself to end my life. I know (well, I like to think) my parents will miss me but I know when I go, it will ease a burden for them.

 

[Jen Erik]

I've started to reconcile these types of feelings by coming to understand that my parents and those around me are better equipped to bear the emotional and economic burdens of my death than I am of living a life of increasing poverty, declining mental and physical health, and isolation.

 

[deshper]

I think for me, I have just always carried a lot of guilt my entire life. My family have seen me almost die quite a few times, one of those times it actually gave my sister ptsd. I worry about them and how they will take it constantly. I know that my death will be their before and after event, as in they were different people before and will be different people after. I honestly think it would destroy my family. But, on the other hand, I'm tired of feeling like some sort of toy on a shelf, that they pass by to look at and find comfort that i'm still here. I think now, they just want me alive for their own comfort and sanity, it's not about my well-being because just like me, I think they have accepted that I won't get better. I like to think that eventually, with time, they will feel better and their lives will move on. I hope.

It differs for everyone. Everybody has a different situation with their family but if you've ever read any threads where people talk about the suicide of a relative, it's pretty heartbreaking. I try to stay away from those types of threads now, I don't need to feel anymore guilt.

 

[Jean Améry]

Assuming the world does not end with us (solipsism) and loved-ones will very likely suffer it's only natural and human to take this into consideration. I care a lot about my great-aunt (who's been more of a mother to me than my own screwed up mom) and my four nephews (one of which is my godson) and I don't doubt my death will cause them pain. This to me sucks incredibly.

It is of course very likely one dissapears completely when one dies so there is much to be said for the notion of not caring about this. Especially if one's own suffering is immense and unrelenting.

It's a difficult question for sure.

I'm just glad I don't have any children of my own: that would be pure hell as I could not possibly convince myself suicide would ever be acceptable in those circumstances. As it stands I'm free to do as I please as no-one depends on me for their physical existence. My mother would be devestated and it would likely end in her drinking heavily, crying and another (failed) suicide-attempt. However since she's the one who got me into this mess I don't owe her anything. It would seem like karmic justice (I ended up this way because of her suicide-attempt) but I would not wish it upon her. I just wouldn't care at all.

 

[Ashpac]

Why would you torture yourself because your parents 'might' be sad when you commit suicide? Personally, I don't give a damn about others and I would especially not keep myself from doing something for the sake of others. My mother's father died, okay she was sad for a couple of days and then she forgot about it. Like honestly, do yourself a favor and don't care about others feelings. I learned this through social interactions and how people treated me. Nobody cared about me, so why should I care about anyone's feelings?

'Oh no my family will be sad!'
Yeah they might, but you'll be history real quick.

Best attitude to have.

Although very hard for some people to follow through with this.

 

[Chlo]

'Oh no my family will be sad!'
Yeah they might, but you'll be history real quick.

This is untrue for most people. Haven't you met somebody still affected by a loved one's untimely death? Personally, I'm mostly worried about how my brother would react to it as he is not in a good mental state.

 

[Umbra]

It's similar to your survival instinct, it's an inherent part of most people; empathy. Even if rationally those two things should not stop you, they do. I'd argue it's more likely your suicide will impact your family for longer than you think. Although, I don't think you're an unfeeling, unempathetic, sociopath if you ctb with this knowledge, you've just overridden your natural human feelings that we're slaves to daily.

 

[sunny cat]

it depends, i guess.

my father was abusive to me my entire life so i don't really care if he feels guilty for my death. on the other hand, i hate that i'll have to hurt my mom and my stepdad. especially my little brother. he's only 8 and... i don't know. i have a weakness for children and the fact that he'll have to suffer (or god forbid follow in my footsteps) because i can't handle this life is one of my biggest guilts.

 

[Somnium]

It's not about them... it's not about religion or any of that... I'm not sure why I can't.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

I learned this through social interactions and how people treated me. Nobody cared about me, so why should I care about anyone's feelings?

It frightens me thinking of my community, at least, becoming more self-absorbed. Just today I was nearly run off the road by someone in an aggressive, black-exhaust GIANT 4X4 pickup because they didn't like my driving speed. Then I got back home to motorcyclists screeching up and down my "scenic" street the entire day (they're still at it now). These people could use a dose of caring about their actions' effects on others. But I get where you're coming from. If no one cares about you, it can be really tough to keep justifying caring about others.

 

[TheDarkPotato]

I just haven't reached the state of apathy where I can't care about anyone at all. I've attempted a few times, but I am pretty sure I failed because I was so half-hearted about it. I still have ties to this world I guess. In a way, I'm holding myself hostage.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

Because I truly care about my family and my husband of 15 years. I will still ctb, but I feel awful about it because it'll destroy them.

 

[Rex2019]

Why would you torture yourself because your parents 'might' be sad when you commit suicide? Personally, I don't give a damn about others and I would especially not keep myself from doing something for the sake of others. My mother's father died, okay she was sad for a couple of days and then she forgot about it. Like honestly, do yourself a favor and don't care about others feelings. I learned this through social interactions and how people treated me. Nobody cared about me, so why should I care about anyone's feelings?

'Oh no my family will be sad!'
Yeah they might, but you'll be history real quick.

I don't know. But once I saw a video by a psychologist who was saying that the worst think you can do to your family is kill yourself. He was saying that such clients who come to him because someone else killed themselves are very screwed up and there is very little he could do to help them. Because they are constantly thinking about "maybe i should have...how did I not see..."

Also how can you be sure your mom forgot about her dad. I have an acquaintance that committed suicide like 5 years ago. I hardly even knew her..like I interacted with her only a handful of times. Yet I often think about her. How it never occurred to me she was depressed nor suicidal when I saw her around. But I have never spoken about her to anyone. Similarly maybe your mom does think about her dad. Maybe just not out loud.