Why do other social media sites feel more void of actual social connection sometimes compared to SS?

[freekid]

So here's the thing, I've been extremely lonely on and off for years. I'm the type that is not as savvy on the Internet as my peers are. I'm just not happy enough to join in on discussions about pointless things nor am I clever or educated enough at times to feel like I'm worthy of being included. (I've tried before and the silence is truly embarrassing) Right now I'm couch surfing with my 1 friend and his bf, the longer I am here the more resentment and punishing silence I see from him. The jig is up and I have no one left.

I recently lost my phone and had to get a new number which messed up logging into social apps(not that I was very successful on them to begin with) but now, just about all the potential friendships I could have made are out of reach. Contacts are lost. I have 2 friends on 1 new account and you guessed it. Just my mom and sister in law. No one is there for me. When I log on I can't doomscroll to fill the silence either. There is no decent algorithm because you need friends to have one. But as soon as I log onto here I feel seen, invited in, and understood. Kind of beautifully twisted how ironic that is tbh lol

Anyway, if ur still reading at the end of my rant, how do you feel about it? Does it feel like Other social media tend to isolate you more often than this one? Lmk if anyone relates.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

Yes, because the other social media apps are now selling websites and not about social connection.

I've actually done some experiments for years now with Facebook, YouTube and LinkedIn and have some insights I can share.

For quite some time, social media was making me depressed, the whole thing of seeing others portraying such a happy life and the addictiviness of mindlessly scrolling, so I decided to fix that.

I couldn't leave Facebook as I sell a lot of second hand stuff there and I'm part of a group that I like so what I did was:
- Unfollowed everyone from my friends list
- Unfollowed all pages I was following (note: I never followed pages, Facebook can automatically decide to follow pages for you)
- Spent >2 weeks clicking on "don't show me this page" on every "recommended" post on my feed (tip: some posts you can't do this, you have to block or you can only snooze for 30 days)
- Clicked on "don't show me this" for the reels section for >2 weeks
- Unfollowed all the groups I was part of

And after some time, I finally had an empty Facebook home page. This lasted for several weeks but once in a while Facebook "recommends" posts and I need to do the "don't show me this" again.

After doing this, I thought I would feel alienated from the very small network I have but, it turns out, I didn't. It seems like all the people I know don't really use Facebook for sharing their life. That is long gone, at most they use Facebook messenger or, if they do share their life still, they're so distant to me that it doesn't matter.

I felt much better after doing this and so I did the same for LinkedIn. Unfollowed everyone and every page but LinkedIn is more stubborn that Facebook and still "recommends" posts from random people. Thankfully, not very relevant as I only use LinkedIn when I need a new job.

This has made me not see posts from colleagues when they are leaving a job, or anything else they post, but tbh I don't really care as I'm not close with them.

I feel like social networks like the ones mentioned, are not about socialising anymore and it's been like that for a long time now. On Facebook it is all about rage bating, shit posts and selling things. You even get recommended posts that are scams. On LinkedIn, it has turned into an Instagram for professionals. People that make posts there just want to become influencers, sell courses or their business, it's comical and cringy.

SaSu is similar to what Facebook was in the beginning, you interact with people, you share your life, that's why it feels more social than other apps.

If I want to socialise with my small network, I do so trough Discord or WhatsApp. I feel like nowadays messaging apps are the places for social connection while social media apps are the places for selling things.

 

[chester]

Maybe that's because the other social media aren't focused on serious life problems, while SS is. The lives of people who end up here are usually fucked in one way or another. Plenty of people who suffer emotionally and/or physically. That's why it's easier to get compassion and empathy here, because you're surrounded by people who also reached a point in life when they no longer see a reason to live and they know what it's like. I think this effectively makes SS an online support group rather than just a social platform. TBH I think the "normal" social media are toxic attention stealers and also often a bragging contest

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I don't use other social media but, based from what I've heard, I think that SS is starting to become more like other social media places and it's honestly sad to see

 

[pyx]

yes but then you have henpecking cooperatives who regulate these spaces, rearing their sniveling heads whenever an ugly buzzword is used in a post and cluing others in to join them with hugs and thumbs-up emojis

then again, i can't relate to people on here at all, so that's probably just me becoming inured to the point of drawing distinctions with half-laughter half-maudlin relief

 

[Seered Doom]

I would say other social media sites basically enable having a facade of good fortune at all times, the plasticity and good editing, but on SS, you can just be yourself without a filter and that honestly feels amazing.

 

[untothedepths]

social media is only going to get worse with the flood of AI bots. you wont be able to tell whose who anymore. if someones messages are genuine.

enjoy.

 

[cicatrezESP]

I was on the internet pre-social media for quite a while. i do think social media is specifically designed in mind with the purpose to make people feel miserable and lonely. i genuinely do feel that is the one of the main purposes of it: is to make people feel insignificant or insecure. they want to shove "feeds" in your face and show you want they want you to see, rather than what you want to see. so you can buy buy buy whatever they are trying to sell sell sell.
before social media, sites like this were more common. there would be lots of different forums, and communities and niches where people would come together and have longer and more active dialogue with one another. it was a weird and awkward time to be on the internet, but vastly more creative and overwhelmingly full of possibilities. now there's not many sites like that anymore. everyone gravitated to social media, the cost of hosting websites became more expensive, and big greedy corporations now run the internet and turned what was once a fun and creative place into a corporate politicized wasteland. i'm glad there's still some sites out there though, like this, and a few others i can think of.

i'm glad you find solace in this place. it makes more sense to me, sites like this are places where you can actually discuss and connect with others. social media is a wasteland. people don't realize how it is designed to be bad for the mind and the soul. I never liked it and i have always actively avoided social media because ever since the dawn of it, i just "didn't get it" if that makes sense, and i feel better off for not meshing with it.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Because SaSu isn't a mainstream social media site. It's a forum. Forums generally foster a much stronger sense of community since they are typically built around a particular subject of interest, unlike mainstream social media sites, which serve multiple purposes. Along with that, they are anonymous and usually have a much smaller user base so it makes people less afraid to open up and be honest in comparison to mainstream social media. The types of social connections you find on SaSu are ones that can also be found on other forums, albeit, maybe without the suicide element.

 

[latentzombie]

Maybe that's because the other social media aren't focused on serious life problems, while SS is. The lives of people who end up here are usually fucked in one way or another. Plenty of people who suffer emotionally and/or physically. That's why it's easier to get compassion and empathy here, because you're surrounded by people who also reached a point in life when they no longer see a reason to live and they know what it's like. I think this effectively makes SS an online support group rather than just a social platform. TBH I think the "normal" social media are toxic attention stealers and also often a bragging contest

i chuckled after reading your bio

 

[-Link-]

Maybe that's because the other social media aren't focused on serious life problems, while SS is.

They're not focused on serious anything.

Superficiality.

SaSu is a lot of things, but superficial sure isn't one of them.

Compared to this forum, I can barely handle even looking at other sites. So. Much. Bullshit.

 

[NumbItAll]

Well Instagram for example turned into an endless stream of annoying "reels" that seem to serve no purpose other than rotting your brain... early Facebook was decent but yeah, mostly ruined for all the reasons listed here.

Yes, because the other social media apps are now selling websites and not about social connection.

I've actually done some experiments for years now with Facebook, YouTube and LinkedIn and have some insights I can share.

For quite some time, social media was making me depressed, the whole thing of seeing others portraying such a happy life and the addictiviness of mindlessly scrolling, so I decided to fix that.

I couldn't leave Facebook as I sell a lot of second hand stuff there and I'm part of a group that I like so what I did was:
- Unfollowed everyone from my friends list
- Unfollowed all pages I was following (note: I never followed pages, Facebook can automatically decide to follow pages for you)
- Spent >2 weeks clicking on "don't show me this page" on every "recommended" post on my feed (tip: some posts you can't do this, you have to block or you can only snooze for 30 days)
- Clicked on "don't show me this" for the reels section for >2 weeks
- Unfollowed all the groups I was part of

And after some time, I finally had an empty Facebook home page. This lasted for several weeks but once in a while Facebook "recommends" posts and I need to do the "don't show me this" again.

After doing this, I thought I would feel alienated from the very small network I have but, it turns out, I didn't. It seems like all the people I know don't really use Facebook for sharing their life. That is long gone, at most they use Facebook messenger or, if they do share their life still, they're so distant to me that it doesn't matter.

I felt much better after doing this and so I did the same for LinkedIn. Unfollowed everyone and every page but LinkedIn is more stubborn that Facebook and still "recommends" posts from random people. Thankfully, not very relevant as I only use LinkedIn when I need a new job.

This has made me not see posts from colleagues when they are leaving a job, or anything else they post, but tbh I don't really care as I'm not close with them.

I feel like social networks like the ones mentioned, are not about socialising anymore and it's been like that for a long time now. On Facebook it is all about rage bating, shit posts and selling things. You even get recommended posts that are scams. On LinkedIn, it has turned into an Instagram for professionals. People that make posts there just want to become influencers, sell courses or their business, it's comical and cringy.

SaSu is similar to what Facebook was in the beginning, you interact with people, you share your life, that's why it feels more social than other apps.

If I want to socialise with my small network, I do so trough Discord or WhatsApp. I feel like nowadays messaging apps are the places for social connection while social media apps are the places for selling things.

Couldn't have said it any better, great post!

 

[mango-meridian]

The purpose of all major social media platforms (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, Tik Tok, Reddit, Youtube, etc.) is not to foster social connection, inform you, or improve your life in any way. It is to extract as much attention and engagement from you as possible, which then serves three main ends:
1) To make other people more attentive and engaged
2) To show you more advertisements
3) To sell your data (which can be used in a number of ways, including for other corporations to sell you more things)

For each platform, there are people with PhD's in machine learning, algorithms, behavioral psychology, and other relevant fields working overtime to make these platforms as addictive as possible. Most of the time, the result is that you will find yourself feeling like some emotion is in overdrive (e.g. anger, outrage, confusion, curiosity, jealousy, inadequacy, etc.) while you're browsing, which may not necessarily feel great, but you'll feel strangely attached and want to keep coming back.

All of the tech companies that run these platforms have this same business model. There is not one that has found another way to make the same revenue in a different way. I think that what these companies are doing is destructive to both individuals and to societies and cultures in general but I won't go too much into that. (A good read on this topic is Ten Arguments for Deleting your Social Media Accounts Right Now by Jaron Lanier.)

Old school internet forums are just that - forums. They might have a few of the same problems as major social media platforms, but they do not have the same business model, so they aren't rotten to the core in the same way. SaSu is run off of donations, but from what I've read from RainAndSadness, the donations aren't even enough to cover the costs of running the place.

EDIT: Sorry OP I know this wasn't that related to what you posted. This was in response to some of the things others were already talking about. I hope you can at least get your phone contacts back and find a way to feel less alone soon.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I quit all the other social media sites. It just feels like they are people boasting about how great their lives are. Maybe they are that great- good for them. I think a fair bit is false or at least, exaggerated though. Like, everyone is using it to run their own little marketing campaigns to promote themselves. I suppose I just don't like a world in general where you feel pressured to pretend to be ok and doing well when you're not.

I haven't tried other forums though- to be fair. Still- I don't hear good things about Reddit etc. so, I don't even feel tempted to try! Plus yeah, I'm not clever enough or confident enough to make an argument or discussion somewhere like that. Most people here are pretty patient and tolerant I've found. They'll be polite about random posts and vents you just want to express some place.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

Yes, because the other social media apps are now selling websites and not about social connection.

I've actually done some experiments for years now with Facebook, YouTube and LinkedIn and have some insights I can share.

For quite some time, social media was making me depressed, the whole thing of seeing others portraying such a happy life and the addictiviness of mindlessly scrolling, so I decided to fix that.

I couldn't leave Facebook as I sell a lot of second hand stuff there and I'm part of a group that I like so what I did was:
- Unfollowed everyone from my friends list
- Unfollowed all pages I was following (note: I never followed pages, Facebook can automatically decide to follow pages for you)
- Spent >2 weeks clicking on "don't show me this page" on every "recommended" post on my feed (tip: some posts you can't do this, you have to block or you can only snooze for 30 days)
- Clicked on "don't show me this" for the reels section for >2 weeks
- Unfollowed all the groups I was part of

And after some time, I finally had an empty Facebook home page. This lasted for several weeks but once in a while Facebook "recommends" posts and I need to do the "don't show me this" again.

After doing this, I thought I would feel alienated from the very small network I have but, it turns out, I didn't. It seems like all the people I know don't really use Facebook for sharing their life. That is long gone, at most they use Facebook messenger or, if they do share their life still, they're so distant to me that it doesn't matter.

I felt much better after doing this and so I did the same for LinkedIn. Unfollowed everyone and every page but LinkedIn is more stubborn that Facebook and still "recommends" posts from random people. Thankfully, not very relevant as I only use LinkedIn when I need a new job.

This has made me not see posts from colleagues when they are leaving a job, or anything else they post, but tbh I don't really care as I'm not close with them.

I feel like social networks like the ones mentioned, are not about socialising anymore and it's been like that for a long time now. On Facebook it is all about rage bating, shit posts and selling things. You even get recommended posts that are scams. On LinkedIn, it has turned into an Instagram for professionals. People that make posts there just want to become influencers, sell courses or their business, it's comical and cringy.

SaSu is similar to what Facebook was in the beginning, you interact with people, you share your life, that's why it feels more social than other apps.

If I want to socialise with my small network, I do so trough Discord or WhatsApp. I feel like nowadays messaging apps are the places for social connection while social media apps are the places for selling things.

I was on the internet pre-social media for quite a while. i do think social media is specifically designed in mind with the purpose to make people feel miserable and lonely. i genuinely do feel that is the one of the main purposes of it: is to make people feel insignificant or insecure. they want to shove "feeds" in your face and show you want they want you to see, rather than what you want to see. so you can buy buy buy whatever they are trying to sell sell sell.
before social media, sites like this were more common. there would be lots of different forums, and communities and niches where people would come together and have longer and more active dialogue with one another. it was a weird and awkward time to be on the internet, but vastly more creative and overwhelmingly full of possibilities. now there's not many sites like that anymore. everyone gravitated to social media, the cost of hosting websites became more expensive, and big greedy corporations now run the internet and turned what was once a fun and creative place into a corporate politicized wasteland. i'm glad there's still some sites out there though, like this, and a few others i can think of.

i'm glad you find solace in this place. it makes more sense to me, sites like this are places where you can actually discuss and connect with others. social media is a wasteland. people don't realize how it is designed to be bad for the mind and the soul. I never liked it and i have always actively avoided social media because ever since the dawn of it, i just "didn't get it" if that makes sense, and i feel better off for not meshing with it.

I was just watching a good video about this subject the other day, about how the internet has changed and become less friendly in that sense. I definitely feel it myself, and like many of you have stopped using all other social media platforms. You can tell this place is different because on all other sites, I've always been an exclusive lurker, but on here I now have nearly 1000 posts...

 

[freekid]

The purpose of all major social media platforms (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, Tik Tok, Reddit, Youtube, etc.) is not to foster social connection, inform you, or improve your life in any way. It is to extract as much attention and engagement from you as possible, which then serves three main ends:
1) To make other people more attentive and engaged
2) To show you more advertisements
3) To sell your data (which can be used in a number of ways, including for other corporations to sell you more things)

For each platform, there are people with PhD's in machine learning, algorithms, behavioral psychology, and other relevant fields working overtime to make these platforms as addictive as possible. Most of the time, the result is that you will find yourself feeling like some emotion is in overdrive (e.g. anger, outrage, confusion, curiosity, jealousy, inadequacy, etc.) while you're browsing, which may not necessarily feel great, but you'll feel strangely attached and want to keep coming back.

All of the tech companies that run these platforms have this same business model. There is not one that has found another way to make the same revenue in a different way. I think that what these companies are doing is destructive to both individuals and to societies and cultures in general but I won't go too much into that. (A good read on this topic is Ten Arguments for Deleting your Social Media Accounts Right Now by Jaron Lanier.)

Old school internet forums are just that - forums. They might have a few of the same problems as major social media platforms, but they do not have the same business model, so they aren't rotten to the core in the same way. SaSu is run off of donations, but from what I've read from RainAndSadness, the donations aren't even enough to cover the costs of running the place.

EDIT: Sorry OP I know this wasn't that related to what you posted. This was in response to some of the things others were already talking about. I hope you can at least get your phone contacts back and find a way to feel less alone soon.

Genuinely love this exact kind of engagement tho. I guess I already knew the answer to my question which is that non forum short form content centered media is the devil and designed to harvest my info and sell to me and leaving me feeling no good. Think I'm just spiteful that it doesn't go much deeper than that. I am so happy to hear from everyone on this post, however. I'll find some more real folks to connect with eventually, or you know.... Otherwise. Searching for more spaces where I can be authentic and seen in a similar way. No matter how miserable I become.