Venting Why do I live

[Choba]

Why am I alive. I don't really hate living but I also don't love it. I wake up every morning knowing it will be the same as yesterday. I'll do stuff that makes me happy throughout the day but in the end it doesn't rlly even matter. Only reason I'm still here is because the people I love and my cat Poot, they're the only ones that affect my life. I want to ctb sometimes but I also just don't know. I don't know what to think about my life. I just exist in this world where there's billions of people and we're all here to do the same thing. What difference will it make to those billions if I were gone. I just think the after life would be better not having to deal with the same days over and over. But I also don't have an urge to die unless something is going on at the moment, but I also don't want to live.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Your parents fucked.

No one's death affects every single person in the world but that doesn't have to matter, right? "To save a life is to safe world" is a Jewish saying but by the same token could it also be said to bereave a life is to bereave the world?

Do the things that make you happy have to matter? Don't they matter by virtue of making you happy? Something doesn't have to be massively impactful to be worthwhile.

It sounds like you're pretty ambivalent about both life and death. That's definitely a very difficult place to be. Is there any aspect about your life that you specifically would like to be different?

 

[Choba]

Your parents fucked.

No one's death affects every single person in the world but that doesn't have to matter, right? "To save a life is to safe world" is a Jewish saying but by the same token could it also be said to bereave a life is to bereave the world?

Do the things that make you happy have to matter? Don't they matter by virtue of making you happy? Something doesn't have to be massively impactful to be worthwhile.

It sounds like you're pretty ambivalent about both life and death. That's definitely a very difficult place to be. Is there any aspect about your life that you specifically would like to be different?

I don't really know what I want to be different. I guess I'd just wanna be more true to myself just be myself more but I can't because I don't know who that is. I'd I don't really know, I'm trying to think rn of how my life could be better and I don't really know, I'd like to be alone not having anyone to worry about. I want to leave everything I have right now but I don't want to hurt the people that love me I guess.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I don't really know what I want to be different. I guess I'd just wanna be more true to myself just be myself more but I can't because I don't know who that is. I'd I don't really know, I'm trying to think rn of how my life could be better and I don't really know, I'd like to be alone not having anyone to worry about. I want to leave everything I have right now but I don't want to hurt the people that love me I guess.

If you feel that you aren't living true to yourself, what parts of your life don't feel genuine?