Why do I like being sad? Should I avoid this?

[Cosmic dust]

After at least some years (I lost track of time) crying a lot and thinking about the end due to some life circunstances, I noticed that I like, or I am starting to like, being sad.

It doesn't make sense, I never wanted to suffer or for my life to be like this, but its like I cried so much that I got addicted to it, sometimes when I have nothing to do, I feel like crying. I am starting to seek out more sad art, like movies and music, and enjoying it.

I am just discovering this now and I am trying to understand it, sadness its a emotion that I avoided, denied and repressed at all costs for most of my life, until sometime ago.

Maybe I like it because it makes me feel alive? Maybe a way to feel alive without pursuing harder things or things that are out of reach? I wonder to what extent its healthy to explore this.

 

[whatevs]

It sounds like you are doing alright in this thread. Doesn't seem unhealthy if you are "fetish sad" and not "sad sad". Unless you are actually sad sad, and that's why you are in this forum.

I have been seeking sad music and literature since many years now, and love desolate landscapes. I think the explanation here is that we feel that our inner world and the outer world align, and this creates some sort of pleasurable synchrony. Never has any of these things caused me grief, only cheerful music about cheating a la reggaetón or fucking Despacito. THAT unironically makes me sad.

 

[hungry_ghost]

sadness its a emotion that I avoided, denied and repressed at all costs for most of my life, until sometime ago.

Maybe you're allowing yourself to finally feel the way you needed to all along.

Just to vent repressed emotions and whatnot.

I think the important thing is to realize that you shouldn't stay there (if possible), and don't let the sadness become apart of your identity.

 

[UnravelingWinter]

Because even though it hurts horribly, sorrow is so beautiful. Every time I cry, it's a cathartic release of pent-up stress and emotion. It just gets to be a huge problem when the well of sadness, stress, and pain you're releasing from is never ending. The depth of the emotion is addictive, and many people feel more deserving and worthy of love when they're hurting or feeling sad (myself included), which leads to a self-perpetuating cycle of purposely allowing oneself to feel sorrow in order to feel more worthy of self-love.

 

[symphony]

Two ideas I've encountered in the past:

1. When you're stuck in it for so long, sadness starts to feel comfortable. Anything else (e.g. happiness) is foreign and therefore scary.

2. Emotions like happiness are inherently vulnerable. Those of us more strongly conditioned to sadness, when we do feel happiness, may start unconsciously waiting for "the other shoe to drop". We go in to happiness looking ahead, knowing it can't last forever, and anticipating the return of negative emotions to the point that we can't even enjoy the happiness while it's around.

Not sure if you'll relate to any of that though.

 

[timf]

It may be possible that being sad is a state that is familiar, and helps avoid the anxieties that moving forward or taking chances on experimenting with change might produce. If this is the case, you might experiment with small or peripheral changes.

 

[Someone123]

I think it may be because when you start to feel happy you can't trust it and that you worry that a big crash is coming so that it's actually less painful overall to stay sad then to get your hopes up and then crash so hard over and over again.

 

[Cosmic dust]

Shameless bumping my own thread after all this time.

Thank you all for you replies.

I am having a very emotionally charged day, I feel like a madman stuck in a nightmarish chaos of despair, happiness, rejection, hope, struggle and headaches. I wanna my head to explode so that I can die and I don't wanna die, I wanna stop feeling, but I love having feelings, I don't wanna suffer, but I enjoy it, I feel like rambling away all day to put feelings away, but I wanna love and I wanna cry,

I came to the conclusion that there is a very thin and blur line between sadness and beauty.

I wanna die, but I think life is beautiful.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I think it can be said that taking control of your sadness rather than waiting to be ambushed by it sounds a lot more appealing for many people, at least that's why I sometimes choose sadness for myself.

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

I agree with the other members. I think the state of sadness can become a comfort zone, predictable, where it's not possible to be hurt any more than we already are because we stop caring about so much. On the other hand, happiness brings hope and that can be terrible.

 

[transientflesh127]

After at least some years (I lost track of time) crying a lot and thinking about the end due to some life circunstances, I noticed that I like, or I am starting to like, being sad.

It doesn't make sense, I never wanted to suffer or for my life to be like this, but its like I cried so much that I got addicted to it, sometimes when I have nothing to do, I feel like crying. I am starting to seek out more sad art, like movies and music, and enjoying it.

I am just discovering this now and I am trying to understand it, sadness its a emotion that I avoided, denied and repressed at all costs for most of my life, until sometime ago.

Maybe I like it because it makes me feel alive? Maybe a way to feel alive without pursuing harder things or things that are out of reach? I wonder to what extent its healthy to explore this.

Maybe it's because you're getting used to it, and happiness is a distant memory? Idk it's confusing.

 

[Cosmic dust]

Yes, I can agree with sadness being a confortable place, taking risks and putting effort is hard and scary, sometimes its easier to just cry, but I still think there is a bit more than that.

Why some poeple purposely watch sad drama movies that make them sad? Why people can cry out of happiness?

 

[Glowarm]

Yes, I can agree with sadness being a confortable place, taking risks and putting effort is hard and scary, sometimes its easier to just cry, but I still think there is a bit more than that.

Why some poeple purposely watch sad drama movies that make them sad? Why people can cry out of happiness?

In my opinion there is comfort in it. If it's something that you know and are used to them there can be some security in that. I've looked forward to certain bad feelings in the past because it was the devil I knew, and part of my also thought it was what I deserved.