Venting Why do I have to live for other people?

[yariousvamp]

I know this will probably sound offensive to "normies" or whatever they're called, but I'm sure there's people here that understand how I feel about living for other people and not yourself.

I didn't ask to be born, I was born in a third world islamic shithole in africa and in poverty, woth no dad, no brothers, no enough money to enjoy my teen years like any girl living in a developed country, I literally have 0 reasons to live for MYSELF, every time I think of a reason on why I should continue living, FOR MYSELF, there's none, literally 0.

And when I try to talk to people about this, they all tell me to live for my family, to live for my mother since I'm her only child and widowed and may have nobody take care of her in the future if I were gone, or I'd continue living for my long distant boyfriend from a developed country that has been sending me some money to help me with my poverty and at the same time to save money for the plane ticket. Or to live for my bestfriend that I've known for like 7 years so my death wouldn't hurt all of them. Okay.

But what about ME? what if I have no reason to continue living? What if I don't wanna stay here anymore? What if I'm too tired to continue living in this world and believe thay my life would be way better in another world? Why is the only reasons that people give me to continue living is to just live for other people? It just confirms my point that i have NO reasons to live for myself. People call those that commit suicide selfish for leaving their beloved ones, but what about them? Have you ever gave them ONE reason to live for themselves and not for other people? "Your mother will be hurt, your lover will be hurt, ur friends will be hurt, they'll miss you" like?? Why only guilt trip suicidal people to live for other people when you can't even give them ONE reason to continue living for THEMSELVES??

Even when I try to find reasons to continue living, I always think of other people. How much my death will hurt, or how my mom will be left alone with nobody to take care of her when she's too old, but me? I've yet to find one reason to continue living for MYSELF and not for others, I'm tired.

 

[etoilecupid]

Well, it isn't your responsibility to live for anyone. The choices you make are yours. You shouldn't have to live for other people.

 

[ixkitty]

I literally had this conversation during my breakdown like ... 4 hours ago! Yes, call me selfish. Fine. I'm always unselfish..

 

[permanently tired]

I told my mother this reasoning and she could not reply. She can't bring herself to accept my eventual departure. At some point I stopped caring about family, the people I live with. All I have left is working toward getting away from these ppl, and if that doesn't help then it's lights out. Either way, I don't want these ppl in my life. I don't care anymore. What they feel is not my responsibility.

 

[ixkitty]

I told my mother this reasoning and she could not reply. She can't bring herself to accept my eventual departure. At some point I stopped caring about family, the people I live with. All I have left is working toward getting away from these ppl, and if that doesn't help then it's lights out. Either way, I don't want these ppl in my life. I don't care anymore. What they feel is not my responsibility.

I wish you luck. Because you're better than I. I can't even get away. I hope you get all the things and able to do what you need

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand feeling so tired of suffering in this existence, I personally just really wish there's acceptance towards the personal choice of not wanting to exist. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[SketchTurner]

I very much have dedicated my life to not killing myself to spare my mother. As someone who is doing it, I have no arguments or reasoning why someone else should. I don't think there's any logic or reason to it really. I would never pressure someone in to doing so or say it's better, I just think if you feel the pull you feel the pull.
People are very quick to prescribe others live their entire lives as a sacrifice for morality, especially when they actually like living and aren't pushing through it. I am doing what they say and it sucks, it sucks and nobody wants to hear if you're doing it, nobody wants to hear "yeah I want to kill myself but I'm here for family", they prescribe lifelong duty and just want you to fuck off quietly if you actually do it. You cannot trust these people who guilt trip you.

 

[27ClubSoon]

It all comes down to a simple question. It's the question that stops me from killing myself.

Do you value ending your own discomfort and pain more than spreading that pain to others who care for you?

 

[KillingPain267]

I know this will probably sound offensive to "normies" or whatever they're called, but I'm sure there's people here that understand how I feel about living for other people and not yourself.

I didn't ask to be born, I was born in a third world islamic shithole in africa and in poverty, woth no dad, no brothers, no enough money to enjoy my teen years like any girl living in a developed country, I literally have 0 reasons to live for MYSELF, every time I think of a reason on why I should continue living, FOR MYSELF, there's none, literally 0.

And when I try to talk to people about this, they all tell me to live for my family, to live for my mother since I'm her only child and widowed and may have nobody take care of her in the future if I were gone, or I'd continue living for my long distant boyfriend from a developed country that has been sending me some money to help me with my poverty and at the same time to save money for the plane ticket. Or to live for my bestfriend that I've known for like 7 years so my death wouldn't hurt all of them. Okay.

But what about ME? what if I have no reason to continue living? What if I don't wanna stay here anymore? What if I'm too tired to continue living in this world and believe thay my life would be way better in another world? Why is the only reasons that people give me to continue living is to just live for other people? It just confirms my point that i have NO reasons to live for myself. People call those that commit suicide selfish for leaving their beloved ones, but what about them? Have you ever gave them ONE reason to live for themselves and not for other people? "Your mother will be hurt, your lover will be hurt, ur friends will be hurt, they'll miss you" like?? Why only guilt trip suicidal people to live for other people when you can't even give them ONE reason to continue living for THEMSELVES??

Even when I try to find reasons to continue living, I always think of other people. How much my death will hurt, or how my mom will be left alone with nobody to take care of her when she's too old, but me? I've yet to find one reason to continue living for MYSELF and not for others, I'm tired.

Exactly. We don't tell an unhappy spouse to stay with their partner just because divorce may hurt the partner. Also, we don't tell people to stay friends with a toxic friend just because it may hurt the friend to be rejected. So likewise, why should society tell people to stay in this life just because exiting may make people miss us? We are all going to die anyway. That friend you have of 7 years or your boyfriend may one die bury you when you are all old, and they would still experience hurt despite you dying of "natural age" anyway.

 

[shadow999]

I know this will probably sound offensive to "normies" or whatever they're called, but I'm sure there's people here that understand how I feel about living for other people and not yourself.

I didn't ask to be born, I was born in a third world islamic shithole in africa and in poverty, woth no dad, no brothers, no enough money to enjoy my teen years like any girl living in a developed country, I literally have 0 reasons to live for MYSELF, every time I think of a reason on why I should continue living, FOR MYSELF, there's none, literally 0.

And when I try to talk to people about this, they all tell me to live for my family, to live for my mother since I'm her only child and widowed and may have nobody take care of her in the future if I were gone, or I'd continue living for my long distant boyfriend from a developed country that has been sending me some money to help me with my poverty and at the same time to save money for the plane ticket. Or to live for my bestfriend that I've known for like 7 years so my death wouldn't hurt all of them. Okay.

But what about ME? what if I have no reason to continue living? What if I don't wanna stay here anymore? What if I'm too tired to continue living in this world and believe thay my life would be way better in another world? Why is the only reasons that people give me to continue living is to just live for other people? It just confirms my point that i have NO reasons to live for myself. People call those that commit suicide selfish for leaving their beloved ones, but what about them? Have you ever gave them ONE reason to live for themselves and not for other people? "Your mother will be hurt, your lover will be hurt, ur friends will be hurt, they'll miss you" like?? Why only guilt trip suicidal people to live for other people when you can't even give them ONE reason to continue living for THEMSELVES??

Even when I try to find reasons to continue living, I always think of other people. How much my death will hurt, or how my mom will be left alone with nobody to take care of her when she's too old, but me? I've yet to find one reason to continue living for MYSELF and not for others, I'm tired.

Hi OP I constantly get told to live for my family and have no reasons left to live for myself. I'm so sick of it. I think I understand your struggle and hope you find peace.

 

[TapeMachine]

It sucks living for the sake of other people. My parents are the reason I'm still trudging through every shitty day, because I know it's going to hurt them to lose another of their children.

But lately, I never hear a word from either my mom or my dad. My dad only texts when he wants to ask me to buy something for him or lend him money. And I'm genuinely happy to help him in any way I possibly can, but it's fucking devastating to realize that I mean nothing more to him than financial assistance. It makes me feel worthless.

And my mom has been busy lately, for which I do not begrudge her. I'm glad she has things that occupy her time so she isn't just sitting around all miserable. But she never calls me these days. I used to hear from her a few times a week; now I might get a text, maybe a call once a month?

Neither parent visits me in person either. Somehow that responsibility lies solely on me, and I just don't have the energy to put forth so much effort without an ounce of reciprocation from them. It hurts. And I've been pondering lately why I'm still living to appease their feelings? Why? Just so they can feel better knowing I'm alive somewhere in the world but not actually interact with me?

I think it's a sham to live in misery for other people, especially when they seem to disregard the browbeaten person as nonexistent anyway.

I hope you find peace one way or another, @yariousvamp. I hope we all find peace eventually, however that looks for each of us.