Why do I get so much dread when looking for jobs?

[Thatdude]

So I'm looking at a few jobs right now in my area I think I can get. And just looking at them makes me want to off myself this second. Like right now, my stomach is turning, my throat hurts, and I feel like passing out and throwing up. Which now that I'm thinking about it I might be having an anxiety attack.
Like I'm looking at them right now and my wanting to die from a 1-10 goes from maybe 2 or 3 before to 80 when I look at them. What is wrong with me?
Something to note is I'm autistic. IDK if this is normal for us.

Something else to note is the one that basically made me go in the corner and start crying is
Help Desk Technician
Monday-Friday (1pm - 10pm) with occasional weekend onsite
About 15 min away.

Like I'm sure this isn't normal, and I'm 100% sure if I was to take a job within the first week I would be dead.
Does anyone have any idea how to overcome this?


The only good that comes from this is it makes me want to work 10 times harder at trying to get a product license deal for my inventions. And what makes me sad is looking back this is nothing new. Even in HS when I had to get a job for one of my classes I 100% dreaded it

 

[botanormal]

I understand the way you're feeling. Those hours seem very long, working for 45 hours/week sounds like it would be extremely draining, so it makes sense that you'd feel even worse after considering the idea. Do the jobs you're looking into interest you, or are you just looking for a means to an end? Because maybe it may help to look into some other jobs you prefer, or some with easier hours so you aren't overwhelmed by it. I'm sorry it's making you feel so terrible, maybe consider taking a break from the search if it's driving you to this point. Anxiety attacks are horrible to deal with, you don't deserve to go through this. Whatever you choose to do, good luck with everything. I'm wishing you nothing but the best!

 

[Pharmaruined]

I've posted this before but it bears repeating.. if you have any internet or tech skills (which sounds like u do) check out not taught at school youtube channel.. that guy has hundreds of vids on how to make money online..some of the methods are surprisingly simple.

. I've been in internet marketing since 1997, I checked out some of his methods and they're legit.. he walks thru step by step every video and then usually has a way or some software to help automate the process.. he makes money on YouTube ads so it's all free info.. if I was in a position where I needed to get a job I would definitely check him out.. I'm not affiliated in any way btw.. Good luck!

 

[Chupacabra 44]

I can relate. I have social anxiety and general anxiety, and have similar reactions to the job seeking process. I suspect in my case that I've had panic attacks when job hunting.

 

[Silver]

I feel that way too. I am so glad that because of the pandemic I don't have to do it any more. I don't know why I find it stressful and it's hard to explain except that I know it hurts my mental health.

 

[Thatdude]

Do the jobs you're looking into interest you, or are you just looking for a means to an end?

I don't really have anything I'm that interested in. Like the things I have a slight interest into I won't be able to do it long term, and most of it requires things I simply can't get. Like being an astronomer, it takes a PHD and you make virtually no money.

Things I have access to me, I simply have no feelings for it or would hate doing it. Like IT I simply have no feelings for it. But things like manufacturing work, I would hate. In fact, the last time I tried it I almost ended up running my car off the rode to die. I was trying to figure out how to make it look like an accident. But I was fired a few days before trying.

maybe consider taking a break from the search if it's driving you to this point.

I don't think it's the search itself that I have a problem with. Like I can search for jobs and if there isn't any or if there isn't any I realistically could get then I'm actually slightly happy about that. I think it's the entire working thing. Like if I was to make a theory on it, I would guess it has to deal with me not having anything to live for, and the fact that 99% of jobs will make me completely miserable just from the act of working. And due to this, I would be working/staying miserable just so I don't become homeless if I'm kicked out.
This is my best guess since in the past I ended up trying to count down how close I am to retiring so I would be slightly less miserable. But since I'm 30 or 40 years from, that only works for a few minutes.

 

[Sorrygoodbye]

Job hunting, interviews, just looking at my resume fill me with despair. I feel like a total loser. My job history is shit, and I don't know if I will ever pull it out of the gutter enough to work in a job I really like. Interviews bum me out the most though. They rarely go well, and it is just such a personal rejection. "We don't think you would make a good fit." I'm not a good fit in this world.

 

[Deleted member 24006]

Because no one likes rejection and any underlying anxiety or depression just amplifies it .....

 

[toseeyousmile]

I know what you mean, I've applied to so many but it feels kinda pointless after a while. Makes me feel like maybe I'm just not cut out for society.

 

[Symbiote]

Stressful indeed and almost traumatic. You're competing against hundreds of applicants for only ONE position. Next, you have to go through multiple interviews, introduction, panel session, hiring manager session, and director session, to see if you're a good fit for a job that may pay you just enough above poverty level or a 3 month contract that they may let you go afterwards. If you have social anxiety or some sort of anxiety disorder, you're extremely limited. If you have any kind of disability, then it limits you, even though there is a law in place to prevent discrimination.

It's all on luck, who you know, and how much are you willing to kiss ass to get a job.

 

[Deleted member 24006]

Stressful indeed and almost traumatic. You're competing against hundreds of applicants for only ONE position. Next, you have to go through multiple interviews, introduction, panel session, hiring manager session, and director session, to see if you're a good fit for a job that may pay you just enough above poverty level or a 3 month contract that they may let you go afterwards. If you have social anxiety or some sort of anxiety disorder, you're extremely limited. If you have any kind of disability, then it limits you, even though there is a law in place to prevent discrimination.

It's all on luck, who you know, and how much are you willing to kiss ass to get a job.

All correct .....

 

[Superdeterminist]

My biggest reason for ctb, although not the only reason. Others find it bizarre, sometimes to the point of humour, when I explain to them how it makes me suicidal and feel terrible. So, I avoid talking about it because the conversation usually turns sour quickly. And I do understand why they are baffled, because it is strange that such a seemingly trivial aspect of life is ruining my whole life. But it's a serious problem for me, and the agony it has caused me and continues to cause me, makes joking about it a hard task.

 

[awfullife]

My resume has 15 years of stellar success in business and high dollar prestigious sales jobs...then life hit the shitter and now my current job title is "trucker"

Lmao my friends actually think I can get a normal job again...I disagree.

If I have to keep doing this 14 hours a day for the next several years I will have to CTB. Sorry but seriously.

 

[GravityUtilizer]

Cos anxiety's a beast. I haven't even tried in months. Getting back in the ring with that gorilla? I think I'll procrastinate some more...

 

[Enabran255]

You're not odd or weird for feeling this way. The whole modern employment scam is a sick joke. Anytime you try to point this out you're usually insulted, belittled, and gaslit by society at large.

The stress and dread that's associated with looking for work is almost on par with the stress and dread that come standard with most 8-5s if you actually "succeed" enough to get hired. Given everyone embellishes and lies to get around the bullshit HR buzzword requirements, you have to shitcan your morals and lie too in order to not be overlooked. Then if you actually get to become a slave an employee, you have to continue the farce every day and not let it slip.

I don't see how anyone sane wouldn't get anxiety and panic attacks from this truly twisted reality.

That famous quote sums it up best:

It is no measure of health to be well-adjusted to a profoundly sick society.

 

[GravityUtilizer]

You're not odd or weird for feeling this way. The whole modern employment scam is a sick joke. Anytime you try to point this out you're usually insulted, belittled, and gaslit by society at large.

The stress and dread that's associated with looking for work is almost on par with the stress and dread that come standard with most 8-5s if you actually "succeed" enough to get hired. Given everyone embellishes and lies to get around the bullshit HR buzzword requirements, you have to shitcan your morals and lie too in order to not be overlooked. Then if you actually get to become a slave an employee, you have to continue the farce every day and not let it slip.

I don't see how anyone sane wouldn't get anxiety and panic attacks from this truly twisted reality.

That famous quote sums it up best:

It is no measure of health to be well-adjusted to a profoundly sick society.

Hear, hear.

Reminds me of one of my favourite Orwell passages (from Keep the Aspidistra Flying):

"What he realised, and more clearly as time went on, was that money-worship has been elevated into a religion. Perhaps it is the only real religion - the only felt religion - that is left to us. Money is what God used to be. Good and evil have no meaning any longer except failure and success. Hence the profoundly significant phrase, to make good. The decalogue has been reduced to two commandments. One for the employers - the elect, the money priesthood as it were - 'Thou shalt make money'; the other for the employed - the slaves and underlings - 'Thou shalt not lose thy job.'"

 

[sadbadpsychogirl]

after years of failed shit jobs i actually got disability because i can't get along with people... also depression/anxiety e.t.c.

 

[greebo6]

I am totally , and forever , unemployable so I don't even try.
But if I did the fear of rejection would trigger my anxiety and my depressive level would dip even lower.
I wish it didn't have to be this way.
Being unemployable is one of my reasons to/for CTB .

 

[AutoTap]

Stress and fear is my guess. That's why I don't I know my anxiety and depression would get even worst and fuck me up

 

[Silver]

My biggest reason for ctb, although not the only reason. Others find it bizarre, sometimes to the point of humour, when I explain to them how it makes me suicidal and feel terrible. So, I avoid talking about it because the conversation usually turns sour quickly. And I do understand why they are baffled, because it is strange that such a seemingly trivial aspect of life is ruining my whole life. But it's a serious problem for me, and the agony it has caused me and continues to cause me, makes joking about it a hard task.

Exactly. I was told earlier in the summer I was going to have to start job searching again, and it pushed me into feeling suicidal. But it's so hard to explain because job hunting is supposed to be a part of life.

 

[Enabran255]

Hear, hear.

Reminds me of one of my favourite Orwell passages (from Keep the Aspidistra Flying):

"What he realised, and more clearly as time went on, was that money-worship has been elevated into a religion. Perhaps it is the only real religion - the only felt religion - that is left to us. Money is what God used to be. Good and evil have no meaning any longer except failure and success. Hence the profoundly significant phrase, to make good. The decalogue has been reduced to two commandments. One for the employers - the elect, the money priesthood as it were - 'Thou shalt make money'; the other for the employed - the slaves and underlings - 'Thou shalt not lose thy job.'"

Orwell wrote a lot of things in his various books that are fast becoming our everyday reality, but it seems the majority of people either vehemently deny or refuse to see it, and then usually label you a "conspiracy theorist" for pointing it out.

 

[LigottiFan19]

The entire process, creating a resume, talking yourself up, ingratiating yourself to some asshole, it's a humiliating, stressful ordeal.

Your distress is a normal reaction to a stressful circumstance.

 

[DeathNoot]

I'm the same. It comes with a lot of different mental heath issues and/or disabilities. Current society is really not made for people who are struggling with these things. The dread follows some of us everywhere we go. Even without that, it can still be extremely stressful for 'regular people' too. Sorry its so hard at the moment, please do take a break if you can.

 

[demuic]

I hate interviewing since it really sets off my social anxiety. I've avoided looking for a job since I keep getting a huge feeling of dread and panic thinking about doing an interview again. And I have basically very little job history and no real skills or degree, so trying to avoid customer service jobs where I have to interact with random people is hard, and I can't do anything that involves more intense manual labor.