Venting Why do I continue trying

[eros]

I haven't bothered getting my Zoloft prescription filled for a few days now. Not even sure if it was doing anything anyway. I only got put on it recently after going to therapy for a bit. My therapist honestly kinda sucks, she doesn't really help much but I guess it's something to have someone to vent to. Too late to switch now since she already knows so much about me. Since I stopped the Zoloft I've just felt so detached and not real. Like I'm just droning around, walking and talking on autopilot. I wonder if the meds were even helping to begin with. When I was on them I felt pretty neutral I guess... I'd act happy around people, laugh at stuff, call my friends and pretend to enjoy shit. But no matter what, at the end of the day the misery always comes back. I keep thinking about all the crappy things that have happened, how I have zero interest in anything anymore, and how disgusted I am with myself. Then I wake up and it's the same damn loop over and over. I don't even have the balls to just CTB and end it. I've pretty much given up on trying to fix myself physically, mentally, whatever. Nothing ever actually changes or gets better. Idk what the hell I'm even doing anymore. Anyone else feel stuck like this with the SI winning but not enough to actually go through with it?

 

[charlavail]

stoppng antidepressants like that so quickly can exacerbate SI. Is it possible to get it delivered? Idk where you are in the world but I would pay CVS $10 bucks to drop off my prescriptions bc I couldn't get out of the house i was so depressed (i still am)

 

[eros]

yeah ive just been too lazy to pick it up tbh... getting up for school is already hard enough as it is. ill see if they do delivery or something