Venting why did it have to be us?

[pinkdarlingg]

i just don't understand. why? what did we do to deserve this? we only have one chance at life, yet we were put through such misery mentally that we want to take away that one chance. why do a good chunk of people get to prance around in the world without wanting to die? i fantasize about suicide on a daily basis. i see suicide as the solution to my problems. i see it as an escape, i see it as a relief. i think 20 years is a bit too long to be alive while battling such thoughts. i am angry for myself, for you, for everyone else on this fucking website. we deserve to live life.

 

[DarkFriend.]

Life is inherently random--many of us are born and die immediately after. Others live for a little while, then die--some live a bit longer still, and others even longer. It's all a toss up. The Universal Lottery, if you will.

Twenty years contemplating suicide daily is a long time, for sure. I'm going on sixteen myself.

I think you're right--it most definitely is an escape. Probably the inevitable answer, really. It just makes so much sense. Many days I wonder whether anything was really truly worth it, or whether it would have been better to simply not exist in the first place.

I think perfection can only exist in a universe void of life. Which is telling . . .

What you said at the end stands out to me because we are living life--though I think you really mean to live life without contemplating suicide all the time. And I can't say whether any of us deserve anything, since for some it can be considered a punishment that we even live at all, and for others an incredible blessing. Perhaps there is some version of idealized life that we could live and that particular style would be preferable to death, but the reality is that our lives are dictated by mostly random elements.

Fortune and misfortune befalls our species constantly--to live is to play the game. I think what happens when people CTB is they simply want to stop playing.

And that in and of itself is a beautiful thing.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Maybe it's some kind of a cosmic balancing act that requires that some people thrive in life while others need to wither.

 

[Zegers]

Some people claim that suicide is not the answer but sometimes it is the rational answer.
Life isn't beautiful itself, that's just novelism.

I think those of us on this forum, in this position, have had a bad hand.

 

[RedSage]

Very very new here, but I'm glad ... in a weird kinda muddled glad, that at least someone else shares in the near fury we should feel for some people tap dancing through life while some of us live incessantly bitter lives. I'm glad I can finally post, for the first time, and not feel on the defensive but know I can finally say this, somewhere, finally.

 

[Misery99]

i just don't understand. why? what did we do to deserve this? we only have one chance at life, yet we were put through such misery mentally that we want to take away that one chance. why do a good chunk of people get to prance around in the world without wanting to die? i fantasize about suicide on a daily basis. i see suicide as the solution to my problems. i see it as an escape, i see it as a relief. i think 20 years is a bit too long to be alive while battling such thoughts. i am angry for myself, for you, for everyone else on this fucking website. we deserve to live life.

Always questioning myself why it had to be me All the other people I see enjoying life and have a purpose in life while I'm thinking about suicide every single day since I was a kid. It only gets worse each day. Never better. I'm in so much mental pain that even antidepressants can't help me feel good. I'm so sick of this.

 

[eternapeace]

Some people claim that suicide is not the answer but sometimes it is the rational answer.
Life isn't beautiful itself, that's just novelism.

I think those of us on this forum, in this position, have had a bad hand.

Some of us were dealt a good hand but ended up losing what we had and deal with the loss/regret every day.

I think what (most) people on this forum have in common is that we're unable to be happy and don't see happiness as achievable in a reasonable timeframe/we believe things aren't going to get better.

 

[makethepainstop]

Some days I feel like " Ok God I gotta be alone and broke, alright if it has to be this way." Then I want to cry and start my SN sequencing.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

You shake your fist at the sky and cry: "why me?"

The sky answers: "why not you?"

Genetics explained why life was unfair long before anyone alive today was born. Unfortunately, the fundamental principles upon which life on this Earth is predicated imply that some of us are just going to be screwed. Humanity wouldn't exist if life were fair because it is fitness differentials (i.e. unfairness) that drive evolution (I'm well aware many of us would have preferred no humanity!). Weaving my own misfortune into the wider tapestry of the world helps me cope, to some degree, with it.

 

[Misery99]

Some of us were dealt a good hand but ended up losing what we had and deal with the loss/regret every day.

I think what (most) people on this forum have in common is that we're unable to be happy and don't see happiness as achievable in a reasonable timeframe/we believe things aren't going to get better.

Yes that's true. I always can't find a reason to happy. Positive quotes, motivational quotes does nothing for me. I actually feel irritated when people tell me to be positive minded. They haven't been through the same problems as me so they have no idea that I can't be.

Some people claim that suicide is not the answer but sometimes it is the rational answer.
Life isn't beautiful itself, that's just novelism.

I think those of us on this forum, in this position, have had a bad hand.

Yes it's true. It pisses me off when some people say stuff like "only selfish and coward people commit suicide" They act like they know it all. Just because they didn't have unbearable problems in life, they act like everyone's life is the same like theirs. They don't accept the fact that some people are unlucky in life.

 

[eternapeace]

Yes that's true. I always can't find a reason to happy. Positive quotes, motivational quotes does nothing for me. I actually feel irritated when people tell me to be positive minded. They haven't been through the same problems as me so they have no idea that I can't be.

Yes it's true. It pisses me off when some people say stuff like "only selfish and coward people commit suicide" They act like they know it all. Just because they didn't have unbearable problems in life, they act like everyone's life is the same like theirs. They don't accept the fact that some people are unlucky in life.

I had told my supervisor at work about my problem/situation.
He told me that there's a way out/things will get better, but it might take 10 years to heal.
He believes the problem is not unsolvable, but solving it is just a matter of mindset/perspective.
He believes that therapists can help. He says they won't be able to solve my problem directly by talking with me, but through talking with me, I will be able to figure out how to solve it.
I respect him and know he means well, but it's all bullshit.
The reality is that not all problems can be solved, and we can only bear the pain/misery or escape from it.

As you said, they don't have the perspective/haven't felt the emptiness for months or years on end. They can say all they want that they could deal with any situation themselves and not need to ctb, but I believe you can break anybody/take enough away from anybody to make them not want to be alive. They just were fortunate to never be there yet.


Selfishness is a two-way street when it comes to ctb. People want us to live, despite that we are tormented. And we don't die, despite knowing it could hurt others. It's asinine that they point out only our selfishness.

And a coward wouldn't be able to overcome SI.

But of course they'll say anything to guilt trip us into staying alive.



On the other hand, a lot of people who want to stop us from ctb mean well. And I know it's tough to know what to say to comfort someone. Reality is they can't help us. The best thing they can do is validate our feelings and just listen.

 

[ollo]

Yes, I want to say the same l, but...

 

[Ineedtodie]

I' m almost convinced that it's somekind of charmic force. Consequences of tones of unbalanced actions. And somehow we are the defected products displayed to experience this atrocious seemingly unescapable suffering. Nobody is aware of their wrong doings and denying their role into afflicting hurt and pain. It's like a funny coated survival game.

 

[Misery99]

I had told my supervisor at work about my problem/situation.
He told me that there's a way out/things will get better, but it might take 10 years to heal.
He believes the problem is not unsolvable, but solving it is just a matter of mindset/perspective.
He believes that therapists can help. He says they won't be able to solve my problem directly by talking with me, but through talking with me, I will be able to figure out how to solve it.
I respect him and know he means well, but it's all bullshit.
The reality is that not all problems can be solved, and we can only bear the pain/misery or escape from it.

As you said, they don't have the perspective/haven't felt the emptiness for months or years on end. They can say all they want that they could deal with any situation themselves and not need to ctb, but I believe you can break anybody/take enough away from anybody to make them not want to be alive. They just were fortunate to never be there yet.


Selfishness is a two-way street when it comes to ctb. People want us to live, despite that we are tormented. And we don't die, despite knowing it could hurt others. It's asinine that they point out only our selfishness.

And a coward wouldn't be able to overcome SI.

But of course they'll say anything to guilt trip us into staying alive.



On the other hand, a lot of people who want to stop us from ctb mean well. And I know it's tough to know what to say to comfort someone. Reality is they can't help us. The best thing they can do is validate our feelings and just listen.

That's so true. Other people haven't walked in our shoes so they would not know how it's like to be us. They might mean well but they are talking from only their life experiences. Not everybody is given the same good opportunities in life. Not everybody is poor,has childhood trauma ,severe depression and anxiety.I hate that people judge us without even knowing what it's like to suffer every single day. And they are the selfish ones for encouraging us to live when all we do is suffering alone. This world is a very messed up place and people are cruel.

 

[FuneralCry]

There is simply nothing fair about this life in any way. Life is such a terrible concept where chance and luck determines everything and there is no limit as to how extremely we can be tortured. Only those who die are the real lucky ones. There is nothing to be gained by staying alive, instead there are only more ways in which to suffer. It's tragic how life evolved in the first place, all life just exists to deteriorate and eventually die. As humans it's like we are being punished because of the decisions of others to selfishly procreate. The fact is that all of this was unnecessary in the first place, there was never a need for something as hellish as life to exist at all. But for me, only the thought of death could ever be a comfort. Existence is such a cruel burden, I know that I deserve the peace that only non existence could ever bring.

 

[tyasma]

I have been personally running out of "it is what it is"s. Will definitely be going soon, as things have never improved in the end. 14 years for me is enough. Besides how much of a laughable, cruel lottery all of this is, I hope some of you find some glimmer of hope that "keeps you going" in the way that a miracle happens and you find something, anything pleasurable enough to live and make this shitshow better for others. This was my dream, to help others, but I can barely keep myself alive in the first place without a huge amount of support or help.

i just don't understand. why? what did we do to deserve this? we only have one chance at life, yet we were put through such misery mentally that we want to take away that one chance. why do a good chunk of people get to prance around in the world without wanting to die? i fantasize about suicide on a daily basis. i see suicide as the solution to my problems. i see it as an escape, i see it as a relief. i think 20 years is a bit too long to be alive while battling such thoughts. i am angry for myself, for you, for everyone else on this fucking website. we deserve to live life.

You didn't do anything, none of us did. Well, maybe a minority, but you get the idea. Unfortunately every factory has its defective products. I tend to think of us as such, be it genetic, environmental or bad luck reasons. I don't want to make anyone here even more suicidal than they already are but... if there really isn't anything that can be changed (and that you're able to in your circumstances!!!), it's over.

I usually hate this world, but then sometimes remember I could have had the same luck as most of my peers and done something more worthwhile with my """gift""" of existence than killing myself. Don't know what to think about it anymore. Just want to rest. I'm angry too, but then comes the inevitable acceptance of the whole situation.

 

[StolenLife]

There are no winners without losers. It's just that, by random luck, we got the short end of the stick. It sucks but it is what it is.

 

[SFB123]

Life is inherently random--many of us are born and die immediately after. Others live for a little while, then die--some live a bit longer still, and others even longer. It's all a toss up. The Universal Lottery, if you will.

Twenty years contemplating suicide daily is a long time, for sure. I'm going on sixteen myself.

I think you're right--it most definitely is an escape. Probably the inevitable answer, really. It just makes so much sense. Many days I wonder whether anything was really truly worth it, or whether it would have been better to simply not exist in the first place.

I think perfection can only exist in a universe void of life. Which is telling . . .

What you said at the end stands out to me because we are living life--though I think you really mean to live life without contemplating suicide all the time. And I can't say whether any of us deserve anything, since for some it can be considered a punishment that we even live at all, and for others an incredible blessing. Perhaps there is some version of idealized life that we could live and that particular style would be preferable to death, but the reality is that our lives are dictated by mostly random elements.

Fortune and misfortune befalls our species constantly--to live is to play the game. I think what happens when people CTB is they simply want to stop playing.

And that in and of itself is a beautiful thing.

This is hands down one of the most insightful things I've read. It so accurately encapsulates my outlook on life, something I've been struggling to articulate into words.

You shake your fist at the sky and cry: "why me?"

The sky answers: "why not you?"

Genetics explained why life was unfair long before anyone alive today was born. Unfortunately, the fundamental principles upon which life on this Earth is predicated imply that some of us are just going to be screwed. Humanity wouldn't exist if life were fair because it is fitness differentials (i.e. unfairness) that drive evolution (I'm well aware many of us would have preferred no humanity!). Weaving my own misfortune into the wider tapestry of the world helps me cope, to some degree, with

You shake your fist at the sky and cry: "why me?"

The sky answers: "why not you?"

Genetics explained why life was unfair long before anyone alive today was born. Unfortunately, the fundamental principles upon which life on this Earth is predicated imply that some of us are just going to be screwed. Humanity wouldn't exist if life were fair because it is fitness differentials (i.e. unfairness) that drive evolution (I'm well aware many of us would have preferred no humanity!). Weaving my own misfortune into the wider tapestry of the world helps me cope, to some degree, with it.

As unfortunate as it is that all of us are on this forum, I'm so grateful I've been able to make sense of the way my life is by reading threads like these. I hope this forum never gets shut down. It sucks how it has become so limited over the past few years.

There are no winners without losers. It's just that, by random luck, we got the short end of the stick. It sucks but it is what it is.

What you're saying is very similar to the realisation I've had over the past few years. Somebody's success is built on the back of someone else's suffering

 

[theboy]

Sad question

 

[eternapeace]

This was my dream, to help others, but I can barely keep myself alive in the first place without a huge amount of support or help.

Same. It's very unfortunate. I believe I could have done so much for others. But it's hard to continue on living to lift other people up with broken legs when your own legs are broken, so to speak.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I usually hate this world, but then sometimes remember I could have had the same luck as most of my peers and done something more worthwhile with my """gift""" of existence than killing myself. Don't know what to think about it anymore. Just want to rest. I'm angry too, but then comes the inevitable acceptance of the whole situation.

I understand this feeling very well. If it's any consolation you definitely are not alone. As a proportion of humanity we may be a small minority but in absolute terms that amounts to a lot if people who feel this way.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

i just don't understand. why? what did we do to deserve this? we only have one chance at life, yet we were put through such misery mentally that we want to take away that one chance. why do a good chunk of people get to prance around in the world without wanting to die? i fantasize about suicide on a daily basis. i see suicide as the solution to my problems. i see it as an escape, i see it as a relief. i think 20 years is a bit too long to be alive while battling such thoughts. i am angry for myself, for you, for everyone else on this fucking website. we deserve to live life.

Because I lost the 50/50 at birth. Oh well. Time to flip life off by ending my own.

 

[makethepainstop]

Maybe for the world to operate correctly some souls must suicide. Could it be that we are supposed to commit suicide, as we are the only souls strong enough to deal with it?

 

[Unending]

For all those who like to preach to others that "Life is a gift," I would like to revise their flawed statement into this: "Life is a gift for those who were dealt a good hand and enjoy existing." Even then, I'm sure that some would beg to differ on a philosophical level but when it comes down to it, life is simply not a gift to everyone. This saying reeks of subjectivity that is inflicted upon others as an objective truth. I can say for sure that my life can not be defined as a gift or present as anyone who boxed something like this up and gave it to me would not be receiving a thank you. What they would receive is shrieks of horror and a request for the receipt so it could be promptly returned to wherever they got it.

 

[Iamchickenhat]

Very very new here, but I'm glad ... in a weird kinda muddled glad, that at least someone else shares in the near fury we should feel for some people tap dancing through life while some of us live incessantly bitter lives. I'm glad I can finally post, for the first time, and not feel on the defensive but know I can finally say this, somewhere, finally.

Hi. I hope this site gives you comfort. I'm rarely on bc life, but I am comforted every time by everyone here. And I am humbled every time by how bad I think I have it and how much worse things could be from ppl here. I hope you find friends here.

 

[makethepainstop]

For all those who like to preach to others that "Life is a gift," I would like to revise their flawed statement into this: "Life is a gift for those who were dealt a good hand and enjoy existing." Even then, I'm sure that some would beg to differ on a philosophical level but when it comes down to it, life is simply not a gift to everyone. This saying reeks of subjectivity that is inflicted upon others as an objective truth. I can say for sure that my life can not be defined as a gift or present as anyone who boxed something like this up and gave it to me would not be receiving a thank you. What they would receive is shrieks of horror and a request for the receipt so it could be promptly returned to wherever they got it.

....shrieks of horror request for the receipt promptly returned. Oh God i believe I love you! You nailed it right on the head of the nail. Let me return this damnable life, and I'm going to sue for false advertising, as the product failed to work as a advertised! I want a refund!

 

[Unending]

I had told my supervisor at work about my problem/situation.
He told me that there's a way out/things will get better, but it might take 10 years to heal.
He believes the problem is not unsolvable, but solving it is just a matter of mindset/perspective.
He believes that therapists can help. He says they won't be able to solve my problem directly by talking with me, but through talking with me, I will be able to figure out how to solve it.
I respect him and know he means well, but it's all bullshit.
The reality is that not all problems can be solved, and we can only bear the pain/misery or escape from it.

As you said, they don't have the perspective/haven't felt the emptiness for months or years on end. They can say all they want that they could deal with any situation themselves and not need to ctb, but I believe you can break anybody/take enough away from anybody to make them not want to be alive. They just were fortunate to never be there yet.


Selfishness is a two-way street when it comes to ctb. People want us to live, despite that we are tormented. And we don't die, despite knowing it could hurt others. It's asinine that they point out only our selfishness.

And a coward wouldn't be able to overcome SI.

But of course they'll say anything to guilt trip us into staying alive.



On the other hand, a lot of people who want to stop us from ctb mean well. And I know it's tough to know what to say to comfort someone. Reality is they can't help us. The best thing they can do is validate our feelings and just listen.

This whole post is super relevant. As you said, anyone can be broken in certain circumstances and many fail to take that into account. Also, I think it is worth noting the fact that it is commonly asserted that sometimes you need to be selfish in order to get past certain issues and find relief from a problem. Some people ctb despite caring immensely for those around them who would be traumatized simply because they have reached a point of severe desperation and took this approach, albeit via methods that those who made the assertion had never intended.

....shrieks of horror request for the receipt promptly returned. Oh God i believe I love you! You nailed it right on the head of the nail. Let me return this damnable life, and I'm going to sue for false advertising, as the product failed to work as a advertised! I want a refund!

We better all be getting generous settlements out of this!!

 

[makethepainstop]

This whole post is super relevant. As you said, anyone can be broken in certain circumstances and many fail to take that into account. Also, I think it is worth noting the fact that it is commonly asserted that sometimes you need to be selfish in order to get past certain issues and find relief from a problem. Some people ctb despite caring immensely for those around them who would be traumatized simply because they have reached a point of severe desperation and took this approach, albeit via methods that those who made the assertion had never intended.

We better all be getting generous settlements out of thi

s!!

This whole post is super relevant. As you said, anyone can be broken in certain circumstances and many fail to take that into account. Also, I think it is worth noting the fact that it is commonly asserted that sometimes you need to be selfish in order to get past certain issues and find relief from a problem. Some people ctb despite caring immensely for those around them who would be traumatized simply because they have reached a point of severe desperation and took this approach, albeit via methods that those who made the assertion had never intended.

We better all be getting generous settlements out of this!!

Better still a class action law suit, and we need huge settlements! Anyone know a good shyster lawyer?