Venting Why continue living?

[Eren]

I can't stand being alive anymore. For a few years I have had trouble sleeping, they are becoming more serious, I can sleep "well" every 3 or 4 days, I have taken various medications but they do not have any effect on me. Right now I am starting to take another medicine, and it works, I sleep well, but the next day I am drowsy, unable to concentrate on anything, and I cannot work like this. I know this problem is not going to improve over time, but quite the opposite.

I also have a certain deformation in my hands (I suppose that my fingers crunch so much) that sometimes it prevents me from doing daily tasks such as typing normally at computer, the strange thing is that no doctor takes me seriously, as if I were. making up.

I also have sexual and social problems that prevent me from having a partner and friends, I really feel alone and I know that this will never change either, I have been that way since I was born, even my mother has told me a few times. The only one who considered my friend "IRL" turned out to be an idiot who only used me to vent, I have known him since we were kids, I did not expect this from him.

The only thing that keeps me alive is the guilt of hurting my mother for my death, and also how difficult CTB is, for me it is even more difficult, I cannot use SN for my hiatus hernia, and hanging is difficult, even more for me since I am obese.

 

[Deathbydemo]

I'm so sorry you are having a rough time. I can't even begin to imagine how hard each day must be for you. Despite all your issues, I still believe life is worth living. Easy for me to say since I don't live your life but there is always a purpose greater than you at work and a reason to still cling on to each day. Better things lie ahead no matter how much we try to convince ourselves otherwise. I don't want to come across like a broken record though. I'm here if you need to talk.

 

[Painpleasure]

I can't stand being alive anymore. For a few years I have had trouble sleeping, they are becoming more serious, I can sleep "well" every 3 or 4 days, I have taken various medications but they do not have any effect on me. Right now I am starting to take another medicine, and it works, I sleep well, but the next day I am drowsy, unable to concentrate on anything, and I cannot work like this. I know this problem is not going to improve over time, but quite the opposite.

I also have a certain deformation in my hands (I suppose that my fingers crunch so much) that sometimes it prevents me from doing daily tasks such as typing normally at computer, the strange thing is that no doctor takes me seriously, as if I were. making up.

I also have sexual and social problems that prevent me from having a partner and friends, I really feel alone and I know that this will never change either, I have been that way since I was born, even my mother has told me a few times. The only one who considered my friend "IRL" turned out to be an idiot who only used me to vent, I have known him since we were kids, I did not expect this from him.

The only thing that keeps me alive is the guilt of hurting my mother for my death, and also how difficult CTB is, for me it is even more difficult, I cannot use SN for my hiatus hernia, and hanging is difficult, even more for me since I am obese.

You have mentioned that your are obese. I'm sure this alone is difficult to live with, especially if you have insulin resistance. I myself used to be obese and I know it's not fun.

Have you tried losing weight to make killing yourself with a thin and comfortable rope more easy? Or perhaps you can use a very thick rope used to tow heavy duty trucks to succeed with hanging?

 

[Eren]

I'm so sorry you are having a rough time. I can't even begin to imagine how hard each day must be for you. Despite all your issues, I still believe life is worth living. Easy for me to say since I don't live your life but there is always a purpose greater than you at work and a reason to still cling on to each day. Better things lie ahead no matter how much we try to convince ourselves otherwise. I don't want to come across like a broken record though. I'm here if you need to talk.

Thanks for your words, but I really don't think there is a better future for me, the problems that prevent me from living well will not change over time, rather they will get worse.

You have mentioned that your are obese. I'm sure this alone is difficult to live with, especially if you have insulin resistance. I myself used to be obese and I know it's not fun.

Have you tried losing weight to make killing yourself with a thin and comfortable rope more easy? Or perhaps you can use a very thick rope used to tow heavy duty trucks to succeed with hanging?

Depression and anxiety prevents me from going more than 2 hours without eating something, plus I have no motivation for absolutely nothing.

 

[Deathbydemo]

In that case, I apologise for making such a generalisation. I'm really sorry life wasn't kinder to you and you feel like you want out. You know there are people here, myself included, that is willing to listen to anything you want to share, even if it's just to get it off your chest. Maybe a personal question, and you don't have to answer, but what method would you be considering?

 

[Eren]

In that case, I apologise for making such a generalisation. I'm really sorry life wasn't kinder to you and you feel like you want out. You know there are people here, myself included, that is willing to listen to anything you want to share, even if it's just to get it off your chest. Maybe a personal question, and you don't have to answer, but what method would you be considering?

I don't know, my options are limited

 

[calendulo]

There will be thousand reasons to living......................to laugh, even to cry.....
To remember who was and who wants to become ....

Maybe, the love........surely, your family too.
to see a rising sun on the beach.
To read a good book, or a good song.

There is a lot of reasons.
Although now you do not believe it, you are stunning.