"Why can't you...?"

[CuddleHug]

I'm so sick of hearing questions like these.

• Why can't you work?
• Why can't you relax a bit?
• Why can't you eat properly?
• Why can't you go out more?
• Why can't you stop self-harming?
• Why can't you explain how you feel?
• Why can't you be kinder to yourself?
• Why can't you just... fucking SHUT UP

I don't have answers to those questions, okay?! I don't know why I'm so incapable of doing anything that is good for me. It's not that I don't want to, although I definitely don't have the motivation to right now, it's just all too overwhelming.

Recovery is no joke. Every fibre of my being is working against me. I want to die, kill myself even, which makes convinving myself to even survive one more day a challenge in and of itself. How am I supposed to make progress if everyone around me keeps putting so much pressure on me? I understand I need support and appreciate a bit of pushing to keep me going in the right direction, but at some point I start drowning in all those expectations I can't live up to.

Or am I just putting that pressure on myself? That's what some people tell me. It's probably true, to some extent, but not the only explanation.

When people ask in order to understand, I don't mind. It's when they ask because they don't understand, but are not prepared to listen, that it gets on my nerves. Today was full of questions like these and all I want to do is isolate myself more. It's almost like I'm a child again, wanting to do the opposite only to prove some point that doesn't really matter.

Not having a great day today, as you can tell. Why can't I cheer up?

 

[Lostandlooking]

Those questions are very frustrating, things like that always get me worked up as well. I once had a therapist who said (in the first session) that I shouldn't worry so much. Well... that was helpful. A friend recently asked why I didn't just get a new job. Ugh.

I try to explain to those people but it's frustrating.

 

[timf]

We would all like to know the answer to the "why" questions. You might respond with a "Thank you for thinking I am so wise as to have all the answers, but surprisingly I also am curious as to "why".

Medical people have developed classification categories that give the impression of understanding. However, medications are mostly experimental to find out if one chemical will be more helpful than harmful.

One can experiment with nutrition as things like sugar may be more harmful than we think and industrial farming has resulted in the depletion of micro-nutrients decades ago. A doctor I knew once declared that vitamins were a waste of money because a balanced diet supplied everything that was needed. I asked him if he knew of anyone that ate a "balanced" diet especially when most of our food comes from impoverished fields.

We are left to experiment with various diets, supplements, and mental exercises to see if we can discover what makes things better and what makes things worse. Understanding "why" is a goal that seems very much out of reach.

 

[so tired or manic]

We would all like to know the answer to the "why" questions. You might respond with a "Thank you for thinking I am so wise as to have all the answers, but surprisingly I also am curious as to "why".

That's a fantastic way to look at it. Also I imagine it'd stop the questions after a while.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Therapy had helped me in the past, so I went to a psychologist because I had an interpersonal problem with a roommate that I couldn't manage and was losing my shit over. She gave me some DBT worksheets, but this was her standard response to everything I said (she was Japanese): "You can-a hando wit! You are-a capabuh!"

At least I got a running joke out of it. But it took me almost a decade to get out of that toxic friendship.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Most people listen so that they can bring their own narrative to the table in a context that will reinforce their preconceptions. Very few people have the ability to ask questions and actually listen to the answers.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Very few people have the ability to ask questions and actually listen to the

Ain't that the truth. Even some of my past therapists couldn't even listen lmao

 

[Deleted member 17949]

I find these questions almost accusatory at times. I generally will say that I don't know the answer but people will often get annoyed and try to convince you that the barrier you are describing isn't there at all and that you are stuck in your situation through your own choice. I don't really understand what people get out of trying to convince you that you don't find something difficult.

 

[CuddleHug]

...try to convince you that the barrier you are describing isn't there at all and that you are stuck in your situation through your own choice.

This was exactly what happened that triggered me to write this post. Even worse, it was my (new) psychiatrist, who was questioning my inability to work. I told her that if I can't even leave my apartment to go for a walk once a week (or ever), how am I supposed to go to work (and back) five days a week? Not to mention actually working, which is quite a bit more difficult than say, reading a book, which I can't do either right now.

What's even more frustrating is that she knew all this about me already. She knew, but still doubted me and had to accuse me of not trying hard enough. I have tried. I've tried so hard I ended up actually killing myself (and failing) just to end it all. She knew that, too.

But no, I somehow forgot to try "cheering up" and now that you suggested it, I'll get my life back together in no-time. Gee, thanks! How did I never think of that? /s

Sorry for going off on a tangent there. It's just that those people probably can't even imagine what it's like to be in our shoes and thus think we only have to choose to do whatever and it'll work out.

 

[Eren]

I feel identified with that. Some people just don't understand that mental issues are not a choice, if they were, no one would be in this situation.

 

[CuddleHug]

I feel identified with that. Some people just don't understand that mental issues are not a choice, if they were, no one would be in this situation.

I met someone once who told me my depression was entirely my own fault, because all the choices we make in life lead us to where we are, and I must have made the wrong ones. She also claimed I could snap out of it if only I chose to do so.

I do not wish ill on her, but I think people like her should experience some mental illness if only for a brief moment, so that they can better understand us. As with most social issues, ignorance can only be cured with education.

 

[Inferdan]

I understand you in absolutely every single way. I've been asked these things, and when I can't answer them or my responses are too poor, they'll just say I'm looking for attention. And when I do, they just say I should get help, eat and drink, the usual bullshit.
I'm currently recovering as well, and depression is still lingering at the very edge of my mind. It literally creates a thought and uses that to make its way further in, bringing me down more. I have to keep fighting it back every day and recognising when it's trying to sneak in again. So I know how your feeling, and I'm so sorry you're going through the same pain Don't let the ignorant and the resentful bring you down...there will always be those who will think wrong of us. Focus on yourself and those you hold dear, and do your best in getting to where you'd want to be (and by try your best, I mean take your time, and do what you can without stressing yourself too much, while getting your rest and eating well). Trying my best to do all that myself, so I understand if you can't do that at times. Wishing the best for you, and hoping your day gets better, even by a little :)

 

[so tired or manic]

I met someone once who told me my depression was entirely my own fault, because all the choices we make in life lead us to where we are, and I must have made the wrong ones. She also claimed I could snap out of it if only I chose to do so.

I do not wish ill on her, but I think people like her should experience some mental illness if only for a brief moment, so that they can better understand us. As with most social issues, ignorance can only be cured with education.

I've had many people tell me abusive parents are impossible because they love their kids very much, so the other kind of parent must not exist.

while for a moment I hate that people can think this way, it switches to jealousy that they're able to think this way. that they are able to be ignorant.

 

[Inferdan]

I've had many people tell me abusive parents are impossible because they love their kids very much, so the other kind of parent must not exist.

while for a moment I hate that people can think this way, it switches to jealousy that they're able to think this way. that they are able to be ignorant.

Ignorance can be bliss. But it's also dangerous both to them and everyone else around them. Sure, it's ok to be jealous for those who've never suffered, but at times, people can simply be stupid/privileged/stubborn/raised wrong, and I wouldn't want that at all

 

[Eren]

I met someone once who told me my depression was entirely my own fault, because all the choices we make in life lead us to where we are, and I must have made the wrong ones. She also claimed I could snap out of it if only I chose to do so.

I do not wish ill on her, but I think people like her should experience some mental illness if only for a brief moment, so that they can better understand us. As with most social issues, ignorance can only be cured with education.

I understand you perfectly, it happens to me a lot with my family.

 

[Isisnefert]

Esas preguntas son muy frustrantes, cosas así siempre me ponen nervioso también. Una vez tuve un terapeuta que dijo (en la primera sesión) que no debería preocuparme tanto. Bueno ... eso fue útil. Un amigo me preguntó recientemente por qué no acababa de conseguir un nuevo trabajo. Ugh.

Intento explicárselo a esa gente, pero es frustrante.

This Is my problem now, I am unemployed for three years, i have several physical pathologies for wich I lost my job, Since then everybody ask me, What are you going yo do auto tour life? Why can't you work? Since one year ago, I have relapsed into my severe depression, I planned ctb, and I almost do it, Since then, I try to avoid the people, cause they remind me that I'm trash, that I don't work un thus world, and they lead me to plan ctb

 

[WornOutLife]

Oh my gosh!
Those questions make me puke!
Hate them so much!

 

[kappa]

Those questions are very frustrating, things like that always get me worked up as well. I once had a therapist who said (in the first session) that I shouldn't worry so much. Well... that was helpful. A friend recently asked why I didn't just get a new job. Ugh.

I try to explain to those people but it's frustrating.

It's really hard to understand therapists like that. Why get into it if your that dim. The money can't be that good... right?

I was going for agoraphobia and the lady said, "doesn't that make you mad? When I had anxiety it made me mad."

Okay lady... so I'm supposed to get over extreme agoraphobia because "I'm mad". Fuck off.

 

[Squiddy]

I'm so sick of hearing questions like these.

• Why can't you work?
• Why can't you relax a bit?
• Why can't you eat properly?
• Why can't you go out more?
• Why can't you stop self-harming?
• Why can't you explain how you feel?
• Why can't you be kinder to yourself?
• Why can't you just... fucking SHUT UP

I don't have answers to those questions, okay?! I don't know why I'm so incapable of doing anything that is good for me. It's not that I don't want to, although I definitely don't have the motivation to right now, it's just all too overwhelming.

Recovery is no joke. Every fibre of my being is working against me. I want to die, kill myself even, which makes convinving myself to even survive one more day a challenge in and of itself. How am I supposed to make progress if everyone around me keeps putting so much pressure on me? I understand I need support and appreciate a bit of pushing to keep me going in the right direction, but at some point I start drowning in all those expectations I can't live up to.

Or am I just putting that pressure on myself? That's what some people tell me. It's probably true, to some extent, but not the only explanation.

When people ask in order to understand, I don't mind. It's when they ask because they don't understand, but are not prepared to listen, that it gets on my nerves. Today was full of questions like these and all I want to do is isolate myself more. It's almost like I'm a child again, wanting to do the opposite only to prove some point that doesn't really matter.

Not having a great day today, as you can tell. Why can't I cheer up?

Omg I get those questions a lot especially the why can't I work and it's annoying as fuck. Shut the hell up and mind your own damn business will you? I have my reasons for not working currently. I also get the why can't I stop self harming and it's incredibly difficult to stop because it's addicting!