Why can’t I pass out

[rian 69]

I just can't pass out. I've experimented lots cause my choice was partial suspension but I can't even get lightheaded. I'm 69 and my vitals are very good. I can walk as long as I want and do tons of pushups for a smallish old guy - though I've pretty much lost interest in that. Actuallly in everything especially over the last few months. So while I've though about the end forever I really am ready.

But I've tried the hyperventilating then hold your breath method and run enough partial suspension trials that I'm. Ow good with the knots and yet nothing - no lightheaded or feeling fringe and I'm just wondering , cause there are a lot of bright people here (hey I've learned long ago from observation and much personal experience that brain illness and smarts are not mutually exclusive) what people think. I know about potential plaque in carotid and my pulse isn't real strong though it's there but I just feel like I can't even get this right. Not sure I believe in a higher power - figure it doesn't really matter - but if I did I'd say it is just fucking with me all the time. Shit,I made it to 69 with major anxiety issues and frequent panic attacks mixed with depression (figures I'd be a lawyer under those conditions - it almost killed me after 30 years. Finally my psych friend told me I needed to get out and I got SS disability mostly cause of him. ).

Anyway, I'm rambling a little. Just really pisses me off that I can't even fucking faint like apparently most folks can. I've even had some martial arts people try - now they can choke me but no o e has been able to do the sleeper thing.

Think maybe I have some counterproductive "super" power? Maybe I have plaque buildup in my carotids and nature will do what I can't. (I really wanted a peaceful lush exit - not laying on some train tracks.).

Oh, and this has really come to a head cause certain events lead me to think I might have early stage Alzheimer's.

 

[kitchenwindow197]

Im so sorry, its so hard feeling like there is no way out.
The only way ive managed to make hanging work is by leaning my head back, dont lean your head into the rope
I wish you pure peace

 

[rian 69]

Im so sorry, its so hard feeling like there is no way out.
The only way ive managed to make hanging work is by leaning my head back, dont lean your head into the rope
I wish you pure peace

Hey, kitchen window. What position is your body in when you lean back and curious how the ligature (I'm using some fancy ass Japanese rope) tightens. Say if if I'm using the clothes hanging thing in the closet, are you seated or kneeling and which way are you facing? Guess I could try' em all until hopefully one works. But laziness - so any guidance that helped you is much appreciated as always.
Kitchen window - I guess my main question cause I won't try this again til after a little sleep (hopeful) is are you actually sitting with your neck up or kneeling with your neck up. I get that you can push forward into the rope and still keep your neck upright as opposed to letting it also lean. I've seen your post about unblacking out (almost positive it was you - hey it's late and I'm on fumes- maybe you unblock out cause your neck relaxes from that upright position. IDK - just a thought.

 

[Skylar6]

I just can't pass out. I've experimented lots cause my choice was partial suspension but I can't even get lightheaded. I'm 69 and my vitals are very good. I can walk as long as I want and do tons of pushups for a smallish old guy - though I've pretty much lost interest in that. Actuallly in everything especially over the last few months. So while I've though about the end forever I really am ready.

But I've tried the hyperventilating then hold your breath method and run enough partial suspension trials that I'm. Ow good with the knots and yet nothing - no lightheaded or feeling fringe and I'm just wondering , cause there are a lot of bright people here (hey I've learned long ago from observation and much personal experience that brain illness and smarts are not mutually exclusive) what people think. I know about potential plaque in carotid and my pulse isn't real strong though it's there but I just feel like I can't even get this right. Not sure I believe in a higher power - figure it doesn't really matter - but if I did I'd say it is just fucking with me all the time. Shit,I made it to 69 with major anxiety issues and frequent panic attacks mixed with depression (figures I'd be a lawyer under those conditions - it almost killed me after 30 years. Finally my psych friend told me I needed to get out and I got SS disability mostly cause of him. ).

Anyway, I'm rambling a little. Just really pisses me off that I can't even fucking faint like apparently most folks can. I've even had some martial arts people try - now they can choke me but no o e has been able to do the sleeper thing.

Think maybe I have some counterproductive "super" power? Maybe I have plaque buildup in my carotids and nature will do what I can't. (I really wanted a peaceful lush exit - not laying on some train tracks.).

Oh, and this has really come to a head cause certain events lead me to think I might have early stage Alzheimer's.

It's really difficult to get this right. I've been experimenting too and its not at all easy. Essentially trying to apply the same pressure in the same place that a hand could do, seems almost impossible with a rope/ligature. How anyone accidentally kills themselves like this is anyone's guess. The focus should be on carotid pressure, whilst relieving pressure from the back of neck and especially off the trachea. I'm looking for something that would dig in more on the sides, like threading wooden beads on the ligature. all I have is a mini paint roller that I cut in half and threaded on the rope. Initially it seemed promising, but no, does not work. If you dont pass out in 20 seconds its definitely not working. I feel your frustration. On the plus side, I only have to get it right once.

 

[kitchenwindow197]

Hey, kitchen window. What position is your body in when you lean back and curious how the ligature (I'm using some fancy ass Japanese rope) tightens. Say if if I'm using the clothes hanging thing in the closet, are you seated or kneeling and which way are you facing? Guess I could try' em all until hopefully one works. But laziness - so any guidance that helped you is much appreciated as always.
Kitchen window - I guess my main question cause I won't try this again til after a little sleep (hopeful) is are you actually sitting with your neck up or kneeling with your neck up. I get that you can push forward into the rope and still keep your neck upright as opposed to letting it also lean. I've seen your post about unblacking out (almost positive it was you - hey it's late and I'm on fumes- maybe you unblock out cause your neck relaxes from that upright position. IDK - just a thought.

I use the thing in my wardrobe too, i stand up and lean my body forward whilst keeping my neck leaned back.
You can practice by sitting up straight, leaning your neck back and applying pressure to the 2 pulsing arterys at the top of your neck.
Ive also had success kneeling and sitting with the rope attached to my door handle, with both of those i lean my body forward and neck back.
I dont think i made a post about unblacking out, i usually stand up right before i pass out because otherwise its a death sentence and im still waiting to decide on a day.

 

[fkyou]

It's really difficult to get this right. I've been experimenting too and its not at all easy. Essentially trying to apply the same pressure in the same place that a hand could do, seems almost impossible with a rope/ligature. How anyone accidentally kills themselves like this is anyone's guess. The focus should be on carotid pressure, whilst relieving pressure from the back of neck and especially off the trachea. I'm looking for something that would dig in more on the sides, like threading wooden beads on the ligature. all I have is a mini paint roller that I cut in half and threaded on the rope. Initially it seemed promising, but no, does not work. If you dont pass out in 20 seconds its definitely not working. I feel your frustration. On the plus side, I only have to get it right once.

What position do you use?

 

[Skylar6]

What position do you use?

Have not got that far with this method yet. If I can get to the point that I can get the ligature to dig in at the correct point by hand, then I can progress to the partial hanging.

 

[kitchenwindow197]

@Skylar6 @rian 69 search up "HOW THE CHOKING GAME KILLS DEMONSTRATED"-its not graphic at all but its super informative and shows the whole process

 

[rian 69]

@Skylar6 @rian 69 search up "HOW THE CHOKING GAME KILLS DEMONSTRATED"-its not graphic at all but its super informative and shows the whole process

As always thanks for your kind help. Think I watched the right video (only one I could find) and it seems like the gentleman who made it is mostly talking about something completely different than what I've been trying. That is - while standing up and leaning forward almost passing out and then thinking you're saving yourself by actually standing up you are actually killing yiurself because of bp and a slip knot (though he called it a noose) and he talked about the whole body spasming.

Only at the end did he speak of doing it with the carotid instead of what he showed which seemed arterial and how carotid is much more difficult. I've tried what he mos
Try talked about to an extent and still no dizzinesss or lightheaded or anything like that. I know I ask lots of questions but when you said you had some success keeping your neck upright is what he showed with his experiment what you meant when his young lady basically passed out?

 

[rian 69]

I use the thing in my wardrobe too, i stand up and lean my body forward whilst keeping my neck leaned back.
You can practice by sitting up straight, leaning your neck back and applying pressure to the 2 pulsing arterys at the top of your neck.
Ive also had success kneeling and sitting with the rope attached to my door handle, with both of those i lean my body forward and neck back.
I dont think i made a post about unblacking out, i usually stand up right before i pass out because otherwise its a death sentence and im still waiting to decide on a day.

Hey you. It occurs to me that you may decide not to decide on a day. Pretty sure lots here do but would like to know they have their chosen way out if or when they do.

I happen to be very jeolous of you. I've played around some with your suggestions and I can't even still get lightheaded let alone almost passing out. My hello's - I have a fairly short time frame in mind but unlike you I can't choose when. Guess I'll try a little more - makes me wonder how the autoerotic guys do it so seemingly easy. Sometimes I can feel the pulsing arteries when I practice your sitting method but every which way I apply pressure does nothing.

I'm thinking I'm either some sort of alien or my internal workings are just different.

 

[kitchenwindow197]

Hey you. It occurs to me that you may decide not to decide on a day. Pretty sure lots here do but would like to know they have their chosen way out if or when they do.

I happen to be very jeolous of you. I've played around some with your suggestions and I can't even still get lightheaded let alone almost passing out. My hello's - I have a fairly short time frame in mind but unlike you I can't choose when. Guess I'll try a little more - makes me wonder how the autoerotic guys do it so seemingly easy. Sometimes I can feel the pulsing arteries when I practice your sitting method but every which way I apply pressure does nothing.

I'm thinking I'm either some sort of alien or my internal workings are just different.

I first tried it around 3 or more years ago and have been trying to get it right ever since, it seems to be touch and go, this is the first year i have been able to get the "feeling" but now i tried it last night in an attempt to actually ctb and couldnt even hit the right spot :( this method is very difficult. I have ordered some whipped cream chargers/nitrous oxide to get the job done and make me unconscious so i can do full hanging and not feel anything. I feel as though hanging will not work for everyone- i guess some people have bigger necks? Im not sure- have you tried using your hands to find the right spot and pressing on your neck to see if you will pass out, i am jealous of people who can get it done first go.

 

[rian 69]

I first tried it around 3 or more years ago and have been trying to get it right ever since, it seems to be touch and go, this is the first year i have been able to get the "feeling" but now i tried it last night in an attempt to actually ctb and couldnt even hit the right spot :( this method is very difficult. I have ordered some whipped cream chargers/nitrous oxide to get the job done and make me unconscious so i can do full hanging and not feel anything. I feel as though hanging will not work for everyone- i guess some people have bigger necks? Im not sure- have you tried using your hands to find the right spot and pressing on your neck to see if you will pass out, i am jealous of people who can get it done first go.

I "experiment" using my hands multiple times everyday and I can't come close to even feeling lightheaded let alone passing out. I can't even make myself faint with the hyperventilate/deep breath method that almost everyone else says works. If you saw me you'd think I look great (like really in good shape) for someone half my age but I voluntarily stopped driving because of an event that I have recollection of the beginning and end but the in between hours are either non recalled and my actions were almost another person. I'm a really decent, pleasant guy and this wasn't that. I won't go into more detail but after that I gave up my license. Otherwise I might just go into dc and try and find some fentanyl. Funny, I have done coke in 35 years maybe but I'd be thrilled to buy a little tainted coke, maybe have a few drinks first and quietly and peacefully just stop breathing. How do you think Boursin or Robin Wlliams hung themselves.

 

[kinderjaa]

same pinch bro

 

[kitchenwindow197]

I "experiment" using my hands multiple times everyday and I can't come close to even feeling lightheaded let alone passing out. I can't even make myself faint with the hyperventilate/deep breath method that almost everyone else says works. If you saw me you'd think I look great (like really in good shape) for someone half my age but I voluntarily stopped driving because of an event that I have recollection of the beginning and end but the in between hours are either non recalled and my actions were almost another person. I'm a really decent, pleasant guy and this wasn't that. I won't go into more detail but after that I gave up my license. Otherwise I might just go into dc and try and find some fentanyl. Funny, I have done coke in 35 years maybe but I'd be thrilled to buy a little tainted coke, maybe have a few drinks first and quietly and peacefully just stop breathing. How do you think Boursin or Robin Wlliams hung themselves.

Are you sure youre pressing on the right thing? Can you feel your pulse on either side of your neck, when you use your hands you should be able to touch the pulse and press down. Hyperventilating doesnt work for me either. Maybe give it a break for a day or two, i personally notice my carotids seem to go "in" when i try it too often, weird.

 

[rian 69]

Hi. I'll do my best to take a break since it ain't working anyway. Since I spend a lot of time just hanging (really no pun meant though recognized immediately) the house, it's so easy to mess around and I even exercise sometimes to make the carotids pulse more (I think it works). And it's kinda gotten to the point where it just pisses me off. But I get your point and am getting to the point where I probably should rethink this. I am 69 but I'm whining like an infant - I want a bottle of bourbon (that I could get but I don't really drink except the occasional football game) so I could catch a really pleasant buzz, not think about the next day hangover and get a euthanasia pill or liquid. If I had a dog they'd do it for him or her (minus the bourbon but add a very pleasant sedative instead.).

You actually tried for real, huh? No answer expected but what made you decide on that day?

 

[kitchenwindow197]

Hi. I'll do my best to take a break since it ain't working anyway. Since I spend a lot of time just hanging (really no pun meant though recognized immediately) the house, it's so easy to mess around and I even exercise sometimes to make the carotids pulse more (I think it works). And it's kinda gotten to the point where it just pisses me off. But I get your point and am getting to the point where I probably should rethink this. I am 69 but I'm whining like an infant - I want a bottle of bourbon (that I could get but I don't really drink except the occasional football game) so I could catch a really pleasant buzz, not think about the next day hangover and get a euthanasia pill or liquid. If I had a dog they'd do it for him or her (minus the bourbon but add a very pleasant sedative instead.).

You actually tried for real, huh? No answer expected but what made you decide on that day?

Hanging surely has to be the most annoying of all the methods, its very inconsistent and hard to get just right, how unfair that animals get to die peacefully yet we have to go to great lengths to simply die. Have you thought about combining it with some sort of gas? Im going to use the little whipped cream chargers to get me unconsciouss, they make you feel very peacful and euphoric before you pass out apparently. Theyre also very cheap.

I have worse days than others. Usually because of living in this house, broke college student lol and cant afford to move out- if i could then i wouldnt be ctb. On that particular day i just was so sick of living like i am... i spend everyday locked in my room because i am terrified of someone in my house.. its such a shitty way to live and it gets incredibly hot here- i was just so over it. Said person went on a trip and left the house- i was finally able to just live normally.. Begged a family member to make said person leave our house.. nope.. refused. Said person was due to return back to our house and i was done.. couldnt take it anymore and thought i would finally get to be at peace. Figured i would rather be dead then spend another minute in that house, all that for it not to work

 

[rian 69]

Hope this comes or hits the way I mean it to. Hard sometimes when you're just reading words on a screen. I'm close to DC and obviously you're someplace not close if it's hot where you are. Sounds like you're young comparatively to my so called senior citizen self. Mine really is a lifetime of MH shit and yours seems circumstantial if you wouldn't do it if you had better living arrangements. If you're in college won't that change sometime and you enter the "working world". Remember back when I was in college 50 years ago away from home and could t wait to get out. Funny I now realize that those were some of the best years of my life. Law school too. All I'll say about that is I was a broke student at one point who took out loans to pay for shit, lived in dorms and ended up that money isn't the issue. When I disabled out and moved back home to be with my mom, she went and got sick and died a year later cancer death. That was the when my MH issues really took a turn south because she was my best friend, my o my real friend to be honest. Looking back think I liked school cause it was so easy to meet people, make friends and I was really good at it - I'm male and lots of females would want to study with me cause I just knew how to do school.

Anyway, so if you had money to move out or some way to move out and live say in your own place or with a friend or 2 from college, you wouldn't think about this? Maybe I can help - no promises but let me know if that's true and how much you think you'd need to do it. Seems like your circumstances will change at some point but I don't know the whole story.

After your last message I looked at the whipped cream chargers (we used to call them whippets) and I never actually did one but I'm told they give you a really pleasant buzz that only lasts a short time and I do t even know how to use those. I see they're easy to buy but don't see how that would help with my hanging shit.

I've mentioned here a couple of times and no one seems to want to engage but if I could somehow go back to college days I have no doubt I'd be able to easily find fentanyl (which is also inexpensive - though I really don't care about cost) and have that available. For me, I'd just pick a night, like I said, have some drinks , take the fentanyl and basically just go to sleep forever.

Hey, I don't mean to be the old dude giving advice and seems like our reasons are different, but if mine was just circumstances outside my fucked up brain, I would end it on purpose and don't for a long time though like you I thought about it a lot and looked into it and even at times didn't care if I woke up or not. But even until Covid I guess which was years after my Mom died, I really was just looking and now I am ready cause my MH shit is only getting worse, I've tried everything (the ask for help shit is just that - nothing helped me), but maybe I can help you.

Shit if you had access to sources like I did in college maybe we could help. each other. I could help you get out of your situation (I'm not Musk rich but have plenty which I use very little of these days and you could get me some fentanyl.

Just a very exhausted thought but one that really appeals to me. My life has been lived but my body just hasn't ended yet. Sounds like you have plenty of life to live and choices to make if you just got away from where you're at - of course I don't really know you or your situation with your family.

 

[rian 69]

I plan to use the whipped cream chargers to go unconscious, ill use a bag over my head and tape it so its all im breathing. Should render me unconscious within a few deep breaths.

I am in Australia so we are very far apart.
I honestly dont know if i wouldnt kill myself if i managed to move out, i feel like it is the root problem but my parents are also mentally fucked (so many diagnoses, but theyre not inherently bad people just shouldnt of had kids, i live with one of them that married an abusive sociopath (not exaggerating) ) so im probably mentally fucked because of them aswell.. I moved to one of my family members house for 2/3 weeks sadly they really cant take me in full time, it was great but i was still clouded with thoughts of suicide- its the first thing i think of when i wake up and the last thing i think about when im falling asleep. I first tried to commit suicide at 13, so ive been like this since i was very young, when i see kids that age now i wonder how i couldve even had thoughts like that so young. Funnily enough that was probably the closest i got to actually dying- dOD and got jaundice, i still remember it like it was yesterday

Ive still got atleast 4 years of study left, probably more if i choose to do post-grad. Ive tried so hard to get housing for myself but every place ive called has said they dont have anywhere available at this time, my parents also earn way too much for me to get government assistance even if they dont do anything to support me financially... Such a fucked up system.

I would take you up on your offer but we live halfway across the world from eachother, wouldnt mind a trip to DC before i ctb.. i feel like i have my mind set on killing myself- i dont know that anything could really fix this feeling now. I have some savings but for the past week or so i have just been going everywhere i wanted and buying whatever i want, figured that i might aswell have fun while i can, sort of still felt depressing in a way. Dont know if i really look the part for someone that wants fentanyl, they would probably think im getting information for the cops or something. I guess it could work- is fentanyl a painless way to go?

I've never tried but you see all the cases of young people like you dying of od's because the drugs, pills, coke they bought were laced with small amounts of fentanyl. Which means all those od's were not intentional. Fentanyl is a very inexpensive opioid (like 100 times stronger than morphine) and apparently has flooded large parts of the US and I imagine Australia. And from what I gather and research all it takes is a small amount and basically you just stop breathing because it's so strong. Guess not good if you're just trying to get a normal oxy high or coke buzz but seems great if you intentionally do it to leave this place. Funny, in that way we're not that far apart - it's just space. Oh, and there is no "look" for someone wanting to buy fentanyl or really anything that could get you a certain high or drunk or whatever. I knew quite a few lawyers and docs who for some reason would ask me if I could get them something. There was a time long ago when I had a client who could so if I wanted I could get it for someone.

If you're in school it's all around as is coke or anything else people use these days.