NightmareTour
Specialist
- May 13, 2020
- 398
Every day it just gets a little bit worse. If I was any other animal than a human being, I would have been humanely euthanized by now. But instead apparently the "ethical" choice is to let me live in constant pain every single day, being force-fed medication that makes me even more ill, while I slowly lose the ability to do anything for myself. Nobody is even making any attempt to figure out why it's getting worse.
I barely even get out of bed anymore. I haven't been outside apart from to go to hospital in over 2 months now. I don't want to go outside, I can't go outside. Standing, sitting, anything apart from laying down hurts. My head fucking hurts no matter what I do, and paracetamol or ibuprofen don't even TOUCH this kind of pain, but nobody will give me anything else. I can barely walk anymore, I'm tired, there's next to nothing I can do for myself. Fuck, I couldn't even tell you what day of the week it is, and I couldn't tell you what time it is or even whether it's day or night without checking. It's almost a miracle I can still type, and autocorrect does most of that for me.
But no, no, I can't even fucking rest. Some asshole who doesn't care in the slightest what he's done to me made sure of that. Every second I spend without some kind of meaningless distraction means reliving bits and pieces of one of the worst parts of my life over, and over, and over. He manages to find his way into my sleep most of the time, too. I lost pretty much every remaining shred of who I am thanks to him, and he's probably already doing it to someone else.
My health means that most options are totally unavailable to me, I can't really go anywhere, I probably couldn't tie a decent knot, and my medication now makes me feel sick just at the thought of eating or drinking.
I'm miserable, in pain, and have absolutely no worth to anyone or society as a whole. I'm a burden on my family, I'm making them miserable too. I just wish someone would show me the tiniest bit of empathy and put me out of my misery, because I'm probably past the point of being able to do it myself. But of course, apparently human life has to be preserved at any cost, or some shit like that, yet quality of life apparently means nothing.
Sorry for the rant, I just feel so shit, trapped and helpless, and I don't know where else I can let it out.
I barely even get out of bed anymore. I haven't been outside apart from to go to hospital in over 2 months now. I don't want to go outside, I can't go outside. Standing, sitting, anything apart from laying down hurts. My head fucking hurts no matter what I do, and paracetamol or ibuprofen don't even TOUCH this kind of pain, but nobody will give me anything else. I can barely walk anymore, I'm tired, there's next to nothing I can do for myself. Fuck, I couldn't even tell you what day of the week it is, and I couldn't tell you what time it is or even whether it's day or night without checking. It's almost a miracle I can still type, and autocorrect does most of that for me.
But no, no, I can't even fucking rest. Some asshole who doesn't care in the slightest what he's done to me made sure of that. Every second I spend without some kind of meaningless distraction means reliving bits and pieces of one of the worst parts of my life over, and over, and over. He manages to find his way into my sleep most of the time, too. I lost pretty much every remaining shred of who I am thanks to him, and he's probably already doing it to someone else.
My health means that most options are totally unavailable to me, I can't really go anywhere, I probably couldn't tie a decent knot, and my medication now makes me feel sick just at the thought of eating or drinking.
I'm miserable, in pain, and have absolutely no worth to anyone or society as a whole. I'm a burden on my family, I'm making them miserable too. I just wish someone would show me the tiniest bit of empathy and put me out of my misery, because I'm probably past the point of being able to do it myself. But of course, apparently human life has to be preserved at any cost, or some shit like that, yet quality of life apparently means nothing.
Sorry for the rant, I just feel so shit, trapped and helpless, and I don't know where else I can let it out.