Venting Why can I not go through with it

[Q-Dust]

I know is going to work, I can feel it working but every time I do it I just chicken out there's always this primal fear I can't even disprove what I'm so afraid of. logically I know commuting CBT is my best choice but I just can't go through with it. is like I'm just LARPing about wanting to die every day I bitch about my life except when I can finally end it I suddenly get cold feet for no good reason, I'm dreading something I have to do in the next few weeks but somehow that isn't enough for me to finally grow a spine for once in my fucking life. I don't even know how I feel about myself right now is like I still have this scared little kid that is still hoping for some miracle to happen which is keeping me from ending it all. If someone has any tips I can use to find the strength to do it I'm all ears because I'm too cowardly to do anything more than merely complain about how much life is shit

 

[downndone2]

I'm sorry you are going thru this. What is your method?

 

[Hendo]

I know is going to work, I can feel it working but every time I do it I just chicken out there's always this primal fear I can't even disprove what I'm so afraid of. logically I know commuting CBT is my best choice but I just can't go through with it. is like I'm just LARPing about wanting to die every day I bitch about my life except when I can finally end it I suddenly get cold feet for no good reason, I'm dreading something I have to do in the next few weeks but somehow that isn't enough for me to finally grow a spine for once in my fucking life. I don't even know how I feel about myself right now is like I still have this scared little kid that is still hoping for some miracle to happen which is keeping me from ending it all. If someone has any tips I can use to find the strength to do it I'm all ears because I'm too cowardly to do anything more than merely complain about how much life is shit

Maybe CTB is not right for you, from my experience CTB is only right when it's easy.

 

[resolutory]

I know is going to work, I can feel it working but every time I do it I just chicken out there's always this primal fear I can't even disprove what I'm so afraid of. logically I know commuting CBT is my best choice but I just can't go through with it. is like I'm just LARPing about wanting to die every day I bitch about my life except when I can finally end it I suddenly get cold feet for no good reason, I'm dreading something I have to do in the next few weeks but somehow that isn't enough for me to finally grow a spine for once in my fucking life. I don't even know how I feel about myself right now is like I still have this scared little kid that is still hoping for some miracle to happen which is keeping me from ending it all. If someone has any tips I can use to find the strength to do it I'm all ears because I'm too cowardly to do anything more than merely complain about how much life is shit

This is how I feel too. I don't know what's stopping me from doing it. Last year I even got everything ready and was about to do it and then I just didn't. I'm still not sure why.

 

[Source Energy]

if ctb - ing was easy, none of us would be here right now. I feel the same way.what am I so afraid of, when the worst of it is right here in this life?

 

[FuneralCry]

After all, suicide is something that isn't straightforward, at least for me and I don't believe that those who struggle to go through with ctb are necessarily cowardly. The difficult, risky and complicated nature of suicide is what very sadly keeps me here trapped in this world and I believe that those who managed to succeed found a method that they felt confident in and they simply had the courage to end all of the suffering, they knew that it was the right time. But of course this is all easier said than done, and if I had a peaceful and reliable way to exit I would be long gone by this point.
I envy and admire those who had the courage to exit and it certainly makes methods like hanging sound so much easier than it actually is when you hear of all these people managing to succeed.

 

[bunnii]

I made a thread kinda like this not too long ago, I feel you. You really feel like a chicken when you're committed but can't actually commit. From what I've read on here, your experience is a common one. I wish the very best for you in defeating SI, it's definitely my biggest obstacle too.

 

[Jarni]

yes I understand very well... Seems like dreaming about ctb and actually doing it are 2 very different things...

 

[lonelyandsad]

I feel this so much. I think about ctb all the time. I'm always miserable. But I can't bring myself to just do it.

 

[missingpeace]

I know it's going to be a couple of trys before I finally go my main problem is I would like to CTB at home but have my parents and sibling constantly home. There constant presence is making me start to resent them, I definitely know they will try and stop me if they see me trying. Perhaps I would have long gone by now if they weren't here.