Venting Why can I just be like everyone else

[StillWaiting]

Heard how people around me are enjoying their lives.

Like how today I overheard my cousins gathered together to enjoy their weekends, how my ex-colleague who was able to overcome his mental illness and lead a better life.

Why am I like this. Feeling helpless and numb about everything. I am not sure what have I done to be so different from others. Tried my best to change things but maybe I am not doing enough but I am already so tired of everything.

I don't know why I become such a bitter person. Does anyone feel the same?

 

[Scribble Fan]

I envy normal people sometimes, they don't know how good they have it. I'd be grateful for average instead of this pit.

 

[DoomedxFromBirth]

I tend to isolate myself from everyone, family, friends. Because of what is constantly going through my head. Insomnia doesnt help either. There's the chronic migraines, the sensitivity to light and heat. The gibberish most people are saying on buses and trains , I've come to the conclusion most people that are around me are a waste of space. Severe anxiety and panic attacks like to appear when they want. And sleeping pills dont help. Ive given up trying to find similar people like me and stick to myself wherever I go. I try to distract myself with temporary shows, and video games and they help for some time until they are over and Im backin this reality. The worst part is the moment when I wake up and the dark cloud falls comfortably back over my head. Im stuck in a constant state of exhaustion. Im just so tired. I dont know what normal is anymore.

 

[StillWaiting]

I tend to isolate myself from everyone, family, friends. Because of what is constantly going through my head. Insomnia doesnt help either. There's the chronic migraines, the sensitivity to light and heat. The gibberish most people are saying on buses and trains , I've come to the conclusion most people that are around me are a waste of space. Severe anxiety and panic attacks like to appear when they want. And sleeping pills dont help. Ive given up trying to find similar people like me and stick to myself wherever I go. I try to distract myself with temporary shows, and video games and they help for some time until they are over and Im backin this reality. The worst part is the moment when I wake up and the dark cloud falls comfortably back over my head. Im stuck in a constant state of exhaustion. Im just so tired. I dont know what normal is anymore.

I love to distract myself with shows and video games but whenever I get hooked on them, I kinda want to read comments written by other people about the show or the game. Whenever I do so, I realized how insignificant I am. Kinda stuck too because of how shows and games don't really help me much.

 

[DoomedxFromBirth]

I love to distract myself with shows and video games but whenever I get hooked on them, I kinda want to read comments written by other people about the show or the game. Whenever I do so, I realized how insignificant I am. Kinda stuck too because of how shows and games don't really help me much.

I like to look into them also just to see if they might be continuing and I have something small to look forward to. It's gotten really hard these past few years though. I've had to force myself to play games or watch shows to stop myself from laying in bed all day doing nothing. When my anxiety is really high nothing helps, I cant eat and feel really destructive.

 

[StillWaiting]

I like to look into them also just to see if they might be continuing and I have something small to look forward to. It's gotten really hard these past few years though. I've had to force myself to play games or watch shows to stop myself from laying in bed all day doing nothing. When my anxiety is really high nothing helps, I cant eat and feel really destructive.

I dont know what can we do to make ourselves feel a little better.

 

[DoomedxFromBirth]

I dont know what can we do to make ourselves feel a little better.

That's always the question.

 

[marcusuk63]

my worst nightmares would be , doing the conga , dancing , karaoke, making a speech , celebrating and hugging people wishing them a happy new year , having get togethers etc etc i have never been able to comprehend how people find it enjoyable and like doing it , even seeing people "happily enjoying themselves" make me feel uncomfortable and embarrassed , even worse as i`ve lived alone for years if everyone inviting me for xmas dinner ,i could think of nothing worse ! it is and always has been a complete enigma to me ...... guess that makes me a boring B**d lol

 

[not_a_robot]

Heard how people around me are enjoying their lives.

Like how today I overheard my cousins gathered together to enjoy their weekends, how my ex-colleague who was able to overcome his mental illness and lead a better life.

Why am I like this. Feeling helpless and numb about everything. I am not sure what have I done to be so different from others. Tried my best to change things but maybe I am not doing enough but I am already so tired of everything.

I don't know why I become such a bitter person. Does anyone feel the same?

I would really hate to be like everybody else (neurotypicals).
I don't see how their lives are any better, just easier because they are the majority. Their lives gross me out.
"Fitting in" just means being phony and manipulative, "playing the game".
Yuck. No thanks.

 

[Burbank]

Summers suck *** too. Seeing everyone happy, traveling, spending time together and here i am, every year, just sleeping through it all and whining.

 

[DoomedxFromBirth]

I overheat so it sucks, if I didn't have to go to work I wouldn't be moving at all. And Im so pale I turn red.

Summers suck *** too. Seeing everyone happy, traveling, spending time together and here i am, every year, just sleeping through it all and whining.

 

[Severen]

Heard how people around me are enjoying their lives.

Like how today I overheard my cousins gathered together to enjoy their weekends, how my ex-colleague who was able to overcome his mental illness and lead a better life.

Why am I like this. Feeling helpless and numb about everything. I am not sure what have I done to be so different from others. Tried my best to change things but maybe I am not doing enough but I am already so tired of everything.

I don't know why I become such a bitter person. Does anyone feel the same?

You can be just like them. All you have to do is lie to yourself 24/7 and lie to everyone around you 24/7.

 

[letmeseethedeath]

I tend to isolate myself from everyone, family, friends. Because of what is constantly going through my head. Insomnia doesnt help either. There's the chronic migraines, the sensitivity to light and heat. The gibberish most people are saying on buses and trains , I've come to the conclusion most people that are around me are a waste of space. Severe anxiety and panic attacks like to appear when they want. And sleeping pills dont help. Ive given up trying to find similar people like me and stick to myself wherever I go. I try to distract myself with temporary shows, and video games and they help for some time until they are over and Im backin this reality. The worst part is the moment when I wake up and the dark cloud falls comfortably back over my head. Im stuck in a constant state of exhaustion. Im just so tired. I dont know what normal is anymore.

i feel the same way

 

[LastFlowers]

I know how you feel although when I wonder the same thing, I know why I can't be like them and what makes me so different. I hate that I do not have control over it and that I cannot change what needs to be changed.
It is nonetheless excruciating to see others together, especially family, enjoying life while I hide in the darkness of my room. To protect any small amount of dignity I have left.

The summer months make it even more difficult as the laughter of children and enjoyment of the neighborhood can be heard from open windows.
I don't have social media accounts but sometimes I catch up on some family posts through my mother's account.
They all just make me feel 1000 times worse but ignoring them does not make them cease to exist.

 

[Kikoo Loool]

This seems to be our curse.

 

[ExitTheDay]

I tend to isolate myself from people when I'm depressed, it's not because I dont want to see then happy or envy them but why should my misery be passed onto them, because that's all I do when I'm like this is make others miserable and they dont need that

 

[Bulletwbttrflywings]

You can be just like them. All you have to do is lie to yourself 24/7 and lie to everyone around you 24/7.

I'm tired of doing that. Turns out the majority of them don't give a sh*t when you've gone MIA for months and isolate anyway.

 

[LastFlowers]

I tend to isolate myself from people when I'm depressed, it's not because I dont want to see then happy or envy them but why should my misery be passed onto them, because that's all I do when I'm like this is make others miserable and they dont need that

I always wonder about the envy aspect of living like this.
I dislike the term along with jealousy because they imply something negative about the person who is experiencing such things.

For me-in the presence of others-I feel more like someone who is perpetually starved having to watch other people eat.
And can we really call a starving person jealous or envious for having negative feelings about having to watch others shove down food when they cannot..just my thoughts because you mentioning the word made me think about it again.

Interesting that you worry about passing the misery on to others. That's caring of you.
Most of the time I feel like I make people feel better about themselves and their lives when they witness how pitiful I am.
My mother definitely complains about my misery affecting her though. She gets very enraged and grows an impervious irritation towards me.
Even though I tell her to go out with her friends and go do something then. I'm not stopping her.
I'm going to isolate and be miserable either way.