Why bother with safety?

[Love Ash Love]

Okay, so, I have this habit of sneaking out of the house late at night, and I usually carry a knife, ostensibly for self-defense. I was thinking, why bother bringing a knife? If someone does something to me, then they do it to me. It's not like it matters that much. If something happens, it happens. I don't really care about things happening to me anymore, but I'm not actively trying to get myself killed or hurt so I don't think it's a problem if I don't try to defend myself. It's not like it'll be anything that weighs on my mind for more than a week or two. I'm sorry for the wall of text, and also the usual love and bye. <3

 

[Sulyya]

Self preservation is natural, and (almost) always there. What you're describing with the knife is a more direct observable example of the same reason why people who feel suicidal eat, breathe and generally keep themselves alive day-to-day. That's how I see it anyway.

 

[Love Ash Love]

Self preservation is natural, and (almost) always there. What you're describing with the knife is a more direct observable example of the same reason why people who feel suicidal eat, breathe and generally keep themselves alive day-to-day. That's how I see it anyway.

The thing is, I want to stop taking a knife with me, because then the chance that I'll get hurt increases. I feel sort of self destructive? Because I really don't feel any particular fear towards letting bad things happen, but at the same time I can't just do bad things to myself because like just about everyone else I have too much determination to live. I don't particularly care about misfortune befalling me, I'd say. Sorry I'm having like a manic episode or something so everything just comes out in some weird wall of text jumble y'know?

 

[silverswan]

has the knife ever been helpful? have you ever needed the knife? if not, you may not even need it in the future. mania can often make you more likely to think that other people are going to hurt you, right?

 

[WorthlessCoward]

Go down swinging. I would be more worried about someone stealing the knife after you're both dead.

 

[Love Ash Love]

has the knife ever been helpful? have you ever needed the knife? if not, you may not even need it in the future. mania can often make you more likely to think that other people are going to hurt you, right?

I don't recall ever really needing it but I've always had it as a just-in-case thing. However, I do have thoughts a lot of getting into a situation where I'd need or want it, but also my brain genuinely wants me dead sometimes so I feel like leaving it at home so I wouldn't be able to defend myself in such a situation.

Go down swinging. I would be more worried about someone stealing the knife after you're both dead.

That's not a bad idea