jellybelly4
Member
- Apr 23, 2019
- 22
I just want it to end. I keep trying and trying for absolutely nothing. I tried meds and counseling to no avail. The meds make me dehydrated and I still want to ctb. I'm told to reach out to people when no one is there. My counselor can't even give me good resources even though I'm dealing with domestic abuse. My eye is busted with blood spots. The bruises constantly reminds me I can't get away. My bank account tells me ctb is the only way to get away from my pain. I guess the swelling is better. He never leaves the house and even refuses work sometimes to "watch me to make sure I don't do something rash". Every corner of the house reminds me of something painful. Being forced in the bathroom and having someone bathe me against my will. Can't lock the doors in a place I pay bills. I'm just so scared of failing and ending up in worse shape. I just want it to stop. My friends barely check up on me plus they make me feel like a resource. A bunch of people who don't have their shit together, always needing help and advice. They can't help themselves yet alone me. No ctb partner not even a person who wants to chat. I can't wait until the last day I close my eyes.
