Venting Why are parents so surprised when their child goes on with suicide?

[d0m!n!k]

I feel so awkward posting something here and not lurking like always but I've never been more alone and in need to get something off my chest before I can get rid of myself. My mother might be the worst that ever happened to me and I would trade that woman for anyone else if only I had a choice. I assume that when I'll be already gone she'll be surprised I took my own life, and tell everyone she did everything she could to prevent it. So many abusive parents do that. But why are they surprised it happened if days prior their child was barely getting out of the bed, harming themselves, not eating, failing school and actually screaming at them that they want to kill themselves? All I got as a reaction was the worst yelling I ever had, calling me names, then her victim complex turned on and she thought I'd react when she told me "then maybe I'll kill myself?" as if I wasn't wishing for her death everyday. And today a tantrum that she'll move out because she is so tired of me. I ask for help I'm stuck with "it's too expensive, you don't need it." I voice all the problems I have and I'm silenced. She has all the signs that her child isn't okay and she's just ignoring them. Just like most people in my life. So if they'll be surprised once I'm gone, why? Why are so many people surprised when signs are THAT obvious?

 

[Neowise]

Hey, welcome on the forum!
I feel you, my narcissistic mother is also the reason I am here. I guess they are stuck up in their own world about themselves they are completely oblivious to other people's feelings. They might think we use the same manipulating techniques as them so we surely don't mean what we say and do. For example, saying "I will kill myself" is just a mean to hurt their feelings and to try and win an argument, we don't actually mean it serious. On top of that, when they are happy in their life they think anyone else is, too. They completely lack empathy and an understanding for what other people are going through. Just theories though, I'm no psychologist.

 

[SilentSadness]

A lot of parents seem to see their children as their property, so even if they are in constant pain it will always be surprising if they have the audacity to kill themselves. Also, most parents are natalists who live in pro life delusion.

 

[ThisGameIsOverrated]

I think it's just human nature for parents to think they'll definitely die before their children

 

[MasterOfDisguise]

A lot of parents seem to see their children as their property, so even if they are in constant pain it will always be surprising if they have the audacity to kill themselves. Also, most parents are natalists who live in pro life delusion.

I am unfortunately the child of such parents but somehow im still managing

 

[d0m!n!k]

Hey, welcome on the forum!
I feel you, my narcissistic mother is also the reason I am here. I guess they are stuck up in their own world about themselves they are completely oblivious to other people's feelings. They might think we use the same manipulating techniques as them so we surely don't mean what we say and do. For example, saying "I will kill myself" is just a mean to hurt their feelings and to try and win an argument, we don't actually mean it serious. On top of that, when they are happy in their life they think anyone else is, too. They completely lack empathy and an understanding for what other people are going through. Just theories though, I'm no psychologist.

Hey, thanks a lot!
I myself am hoping for a diagnosis of a personality disorder I assume I have, so I could never hate narcissists on their own because I understand they're hurt people but my mother makes it so hard to sympathise with her. I feel the guilt of not being a perfect doll for her because it still is my mother but at the same time I despise her for taking everything out at me. I'm not really empathetic but I could never ignore signs of my family member fighting for life and just make it about myself. Having mentally ill parents is so exhausting, so it's probably also exhausting to have mentally ill children for them, but I don't know, their behaviour has explanations but not excuses. Thanks for answering, wish you well!

A lot of parents seem to see their children as their property, so even if they are in constant pain it will always be surprising if they have the audacity to kill themselves. Also, most parents are natalists who live in pro life delusion.

Well that would make a lot of sense. I hate people who think they bring to this world a doll for them to create, and not an actual human beings. If they wanted someone as their property, they should've invested in Sims.

 

[shtangley01]

I feel so awkward posting something here and not lurking like always but I've never been more alone and in need to get something off my chest before I can get rid of myself. My mother might be the worst that ever happened to me and I would trade that woman for anyone else if only I had a choice. I assume that when I'll be already gone she'll be surprised I took my own life, and tell everyone she did everything she could to prevent it. So many abusive parents do that. But why are they surprised it happened if days prior their child was barely getting out of the bed, harming themselves, not eating, failing school and actually screaming at them that they want to kill themselves? All I got as a reaction was the worst yelling I ever had, calling me names, then her victim complex turned on and she thought I'd react when she told me "then maybe I'll kill myself?" as if I wasn't wishing for her death everyday. And today a tantrum that she'll move out because she is so tired of me. I ask for help I'm stuck with "it's too expensive, you don't need it." I voice all the problems I have and I'm silenced. She has all the signs that her child isn't okay and she's just ignoring them. Just like most people in my life. So if they'll be surprised once I'm gone, why? Why are so many people surprised when signs are THAT obvious?

because they either don't care or are lying to cover their own ass. some parents probably see their kid's suicide as a gift, that they get such a big tragedy plopped into their laps that they can complain and brag about all they want- because who has a greater right to misery than a grieving parent. Others, I'm sure, will see it as a stain on their reputation, that they attempt to paper over with crocodile tears.

 

[d0m!n!k]

I think it's just human nature for parents to think they'll definitely die before their children

It's not a surprise but when there are visible signs of child wanting to end their life they shouldn't feel surprised, if they didn't want it to happen they should've do anything to prevent it

 

[rozeske]

Because denial is the best form of self preservation there is. It can be amazing how much our brain is capable of blocking facts to protect us from any form of harms way. Whatever helps you sleep at night right?

 

[GalacticWarrior777]

I fully agree with you. Its easy to spot signs that someone is suicidal. My online friend, who doesnt even know me in real life, had come to thought that I might be suicidal due to how bizzare ive been acting lately. But somehow, my parents didnt spot any signals, even while living with me. I even told them that I have mental problems and that I NEED to visit a therapist, yet they always keep with the stupid responds that mental illnesses dont exist and that well, only war veterans and psychopaths have mental illnesses. Im too tired of them, and I can bet that they will be in shock once I die. Theyll even blame anyone else, other than themselves. Its how they always do it, they blamed myself for my bad grades, while I cant even study due to how stressful my environemt is, and how much I fear while staying in that house.

 

[d0m!n!k]

I am unfortunately the child of such parents but somehow im still managing

I'm a child of a mother like that. My dad is a bad parent in a different way, he's just emotionally unavailable. And he's the only person I'm somehow holding on for, because I still love him despite that - my mother did enough harm for me to stop loving her.

because they either don't care or are lying to cover their own ass. some parents probably see their kid's suicide as a gift, that they get such a big tragedy plopped into their laps that they can complain and brag about all they want- because who has a greater right to misery than a grieving parent. Others, I'm sure, will see it as a stain on their reputation, that they attempt to paper over with crocodile tears.

I thought so. It does make sense. My mom knows I'm actively harming myself, she hid when I went to a psychologist (even from my father, she was ashamed of that). It's such a shame people bring others to this world only to make it a living hell for them.

I fully agree with you. Its easy to spot signs that someone is suicidal. My online friend, who doesnt even know me in real life, had come to thought that I might be suicidal due to how bizzare ive been acting lately. But somehow, my parents didnt spot any signals, even while living with me. I even told them that I have mental problems and that I NEED to visit a therapist, yet they always keep with the stupid responds that mental illnesses dont exist and that well, only war veterans and psychopaths have mental illnesses. Im too tired of them, and I can bet that they will be in shock once I die. Theyll even blame anyone else, other than themselves. Its how they always do it, they blamed myself for my bad grades, while I cant even study due to how stressful my environemt is, and how much I fear while staying in that house.

I feel you so much. It's the same for me. My online friend that talked to me for maybe 3 days immediately knew something was wrong - even guessed I do SH. I still live with my parents because I cannot afford a house, I'm still in highschool, and I can't get a job. She sees my grades getting worse and worse, hears how everyone (her included) blames it on me being lazy, sees my scars, me crying my eyes out that I want to die. I'm so tired of that behaviour from parents. I wish you the best