scarlet-pixie
1/12/2024
- Apr 30, 2024
- 21
I've been homeless this past week and my time at the hotel room I was staying in ran out yesterday. We had to go to government services this morning and the lady there checked me in for temp. accomodation at this weird hostel thingy for the next week which is where I am now, and I already hate this place. The caretaker lady was just rude and made me feel stupid, I haven't been here for more than two hours and already had to evict a cockroach from my room. I was really bothered by how gross the kitchen is, and I thought that the other person staying here must've just been bad at cleaning up but then I realised there isn't a god damn bin. I had to throw my left-over food out the window.
It's also one of those sort of "women-only" places as well, so i'm also mildly anxious about anyone finding out i'm trans. I don't know if they'd actually kick me out but I would rather not wanna find out at all.
It was my birthday yesterday. It was supposed to be a celebration of my life, but I spent almost all of it alone in a hotel room. I got a few texts from some relatives but no one I would've actually wanted to hear from. I didn't even get to have a cake. I saw my mum that morning too, and I hate it so much because it was all perfect. She was absolutely wonderful to me, we ate some food at a cafe, talked a bit and she gave some money and a nice pair of socks for the winter. That wasn't the person who groped me and threatened to get me hospitalised, the one who told me she would leave me stranded at night when I had no way of getting home, the one who said fuck off when I asked for money to pay for my train ride. Why is it that you can only be the mother I needed when it matters the absolute least?
I don't know if i've truly wanted to be here for even a single moment this past month, but I don't have any good way of leaving. I suppose I could try overdosing on my hormone meds but I feel like i'd probably just vomit my insides up and end up in a psych ward.
If you read all this thank you I guess.
It's also one of those sort of "women-only" places as well, so i'm also mildly anxious about anyone finding out i'm trans. I don't know if they'd actually kick me out but I would rather not wanna find out at all.
It was my birthday yesterday. It was supposed to be a celebration of my life, but I spent almost all of it alone in a hotel room. I got a few texts from some relatives but no one I would've actually wanted to hear from. I didn't even get to have a cake. I saw my mum that morning too, and I hate it so much because it was all perfect. She was absolutely wonderful to me, we ate some food at a cafe, talked a bit and she gave some money and a nice pair of socks for the winter. That wasn't the person who groped me and threatened to get me hospitalised, the one who told me she would leave me stranded at night when I had no way of getting home, the one who said fuck off when I asked for money to pay for my train ride. Why is it that you can only be the mother I needed when it matters the absolute least?
I don't know if i've truly wanted to be here for even a single moment this past month, but I don't have any good way of leaving. I suppose I could try overdosing on my hormone meds but I feel like i'd probably just vomit my insides up and end up in a psych ward.
If you read all this thank you I guess.
