Venting Why am I so scared?

[J Tizzle]

Hey all,

I've been lurking for a while but I've finally decided to join. I really appreciate seeing a group like this where people understand. It's nice.

I've had a shitty life but some amazing experiences. But I've got some health issues that are keeping me from the life I want. Come February Ill either be moving to the middle of nowhere away from my friends (the last good thing left in my life) and still barely scraping by financially, or I'll be living in my car. I don't enjoy living in my car. I've done it before.

I just feel like I'm heading towards the end and it's time. I don't see anything getting better for me and I constantly feel like a failure. But the problem is - I'm really, genuinely scared of dying. I don't know why. I believe in no afterlife and I know the absence of consciousness is not a scary thing, but I'm so damn scared and I hate myself for it.

I'm hoping once February comes (I turn 27 on the 5th, hooray) I'll be so miserable I'll find the strength to do it.

For those who are or were scared, how do you get past the fear?

 

[TiredHorse]

I wish I could give you a good answer --but despite having no future and knowing I need to ctb, I'm scared too.

 

[J Tizzle]

I wish I could give you a good answer --but despite having no future and knowing I need to ctb, I'm scared too.

I hate to hear that for you, but it's nice to know I'm not alone. Thank you.

 

[Watson]

I don't think there is anything wrong with being scared about dying.

What happens after death is a mystery. Whether people believe in the afterlife or not, there's still an uncertainty and that uncertainty can be terrifying.

For me, the pain of existing is far greater than the fear of death.
I have doubts about death which adds to my fear but I know they will subside in due time.

 

[TAW122]

I don't think there is anything wrong with being scared about dying.

What happens after death is a mystery. Whether people believe in the afterlife or not, there's still an uncertainty and that uncertainty can be terrifying.

For me, the pain of existing is far greater than the fear of death.
I have doubts about death which adds to my fear but I know they will subside in due time.

This is also true, and even if we look past the survival instinct (SI), humans still fear the unknown since no one who has died has ever came back to report what the afterlife really is or the lack of an afterlife (if there is nothing, which I believe is true imho, then even they aren't conscious or able to report the state of nonexistance.)

 

[15dec]

Being scared of death is natural in my opinion. We're hardwired to want survival no matter what our mind is telling us and those survival instincts are pretty hard to overcome.

I'm scared of dying, too. Partly because of the pain I might feel in my last moments and partly because of the unknown. Right now I'm trying to express that fear through poems and short stories in case it helps me come to terms with it. I'm trying to believe that when I ctb I'll go to heaven, or a perfect place where everything is okay.

 

[stargazer]

I feel for you, welcome to the site.

I think the only fear I'll be feeling is pain, discovery, or the 'fear' of another year still alive here come December 2019.

I just want this mental anguish to end already. :(

Sending you hugs

 

[Lifeisatrap]

Yeah, I get it. I'm an atheist but was raised by old school catholics. So the fear of an afterlife that was indoctrinated in me since birth still haunts me as much as I hate to admit it:( But primarily it's the fear of another failed attempt that's keeping me here. If I knew for sure I'd succeed I wouldn't hesitate to get the hell out of here.

 

[Made4TV]

I hate to hear that for you, but it's nice to know I'm not alone. Thank you.

Definitely not alone.

 

[MsM3talGamer]

Spending another year alive in this failing body is more terrifying to me than death. I believe that death is an escape from this Hell. I've already attempted once so I know that I can overcome whatever fear I may feel. Watching lots of suicide videos is preparing me for my CTB too because they look so peaceful once they've gone through the hard part.

 

[Kingkelly]

Hey all,

I've been lurking for a while but I've finally decided to join. I really appreciate seeing a group like this where people understand. It's nice.

I've had a shitty life but some amazing experiences. But I've got some health issues that are keeping me from the life I want. Come February Ill either be moving to the middle of nowhere away from my friends (the last good thing left in my life) and still barely scraping by financially, or I'll be living in my car. I don't enjoy living in my car. I've done it before.

I just feel like I'm heading towards the end and it's time. I don't see anything getting better for me and I constantly feel like a failure. But the problem is - I'm really, genuinely scared of dying. I don't know why. I believe in no afterlife and I know the absence of consciousness is not a scary thing, but I'm so damn scared and I hate myself for it.

I'm hoping once February comes (I turn 27 on the 5th, hooray) I'll be so miserable I'll find the strength to do it.

For those who are or were scared, how do you get past the fear?

I guess when you know you know. The 1st time attempt was hard, second easier, this last time will be easier but also scariest because I know I will have what I need to succeed. Hardest part hurting my family. Ugh but being scared to die I'm not so much anymore. I'm still concerned about the unknown suffering I may encounter. I won't call 911 though. I'll be too embarrassed it didnt work. There isn't anything bad about bring afraid. Fear is life

 

[Anima]

Hey all,

I've been lurking for a while but I've finally decided to join. I really appreciate seeing a group like this where people understand. It's nice.

I've had a shitty life but some amazing experiences. But I've got some health issues that are keeping me from the life I want. Come February Ill either be moving to the middle of nowhere away from my friends (the last good thing left in my life) and still barely scraping by financially, or I'll be living in my car. I don't enjoy living in my car. I've done it before.

I just feel like I'm heading towards the end and it's time. I don't see anything getting better for me and I constantly feel like a failure. But the problem is - I'm really, genuinely scared of dying. I don't know why. I believe in no afterlife and I know the absence of consciousness is not a scary thing, but I'm so damn scared and I hate myself for it.

I'm hoping once February comes (I turn 27 on the 5th, hooray) I'll be so miserable I'll find the strength to do it.

For those who are or were scared, how do you get past the fear?

Totally get that feeling. Nothing unnatural about it as we are "programmed" to live. Would you be less determined about dying if circumstances were different?

 

[johnny]

I'm most worried about the survival instinct, because it so ingrained in us. Sometimes I have done a brief meditation experiment where i close my eyes and really pretend that I'm about to shoot myself or hang myself or whatever, and I get an extremely intense heartbeat and tons of adrenaline, and that's just pretending to be in that state of mind. I imagine it would feel 100x more intense if you were actually about to do it. I don't know if I'll be able to get over that. I can see why so many suicides involve alcohol, but i'd be worried about drinking too much and being careless and screwing it up somehow

 

[Crest33]

Hey all,

I've been lurking for a while but I've finally decided to join. I really appreciate seeing a group like this where people understand. It's nice.

I've had a shitty life but some amazing experiences. But I've got some health issues that are keeping me from the life I want. Come February Ill either be moving to the middle of nowhere away from my friends (the last good thing left in my life) and still barely scraping by financially, or I'll be living in my car. I don't enjoy living in my car. I've done it before.

I just feel like I'm heading towards the end and it's time. I don't see anything getting better for me and I constantly feel like a failure. But the problem is - I'm really, genuinely scared of dying. I don't know why. I believe in no afterlife and I know the absence of consciousness is not a scary thing, but I'm so damn scared and I hate myself for it.

I'm hoping once February comes (I turn 27 on the 5th, hooray) I'll be so miserable I'll find the strength to do it.

For those who are or were scared, how do you get past the fear?

We're scared because it's instinct not to die. It's not normal to end your life willingly. That's why it's hard to do. If you're healthy at least.

 

[ReadyasEver]

Fear of the unknown, you are not alone. For me, it gives me absolute terror. It takes time to start to control your fear. For me, it has been enjoying those simple things I ignored for years. Truly enjoying a sunset, watching a snowfall. Holding my wife's hand and smiling at her for no reason. For me, calmness comes from truly experiencing all those little things to their fullest. Then it feels like I've left nothing unfinished.

 

[Sanguinius]

Welcome!
I feel that way too

I
For me, the pain of existing is far greater than the fear of death.

For mee too... The pain is too much.

 

[ReadyasEver]

Addendum: This might not work for everyone though. Each of our situations is different. I'm in my fifties, I refuse to be a burden to my family. I have terminal cancer and a heart condition, I feel decent now, but by 6 months, not nearly as well. This helps me, but you try and find those things that bring calmness. A good movie you love, a book that you always enjoyed, a place you love to visit.

 

[dyingtodie]

Magic Mushrooms helped to clear my fear of death years ago because the experience was basically a near death experience, in fact, I thought I had died, and crossed to the 'other side', and found the experience quite pleasant, blissful, joyful, ecstatic, there was some terror in knowing that 'I' was 'dead forever' but the bliss and love in that state made me feel safe and held. Dying is safe. My fear currently is more to do with, am I catching the bus too early when I might get out of this depression and enjoy a good life? Having been up and down for 15+ years... I know the hell of depression awaits, lurking around the corner, to rob me coldly of all the good things I may have cultivated while well, like relationships...kinda the only thing that would be worthwhile to cultivate, for me. Plus...the fear of applying the method scares me, but thanks to Exit, and SS, I feel confident in inducing a peaceful death through gas. But anyhow, if you're gonna die anyway, why not trip balls and see God for a few hours, he'll be like, "it's all good homie, I got you, do what ya gotta do, we love you always and forever unconditionally, all is well!" I'm wishing for one last trip...but my waking life has become a nightmarishly 'bad trip' which seems unwise to magnify...since at this point... i don't see myself changing my perspective to want to live again (though I still cling to this idea that a magic pill might set me straight...but actually, it'd probably just further sensitize me to the horrors on the planet), as I did 5 years back and in many experiences. The state of the world, and my hypersensitivity makes me want to leave, asap, asap.

 

[J Tizzle]

Thanks all. I appreciate you guys. Its really nice to be able to talk about this stuff and begin moving through the fear. There's part of me that wants to convince myself of an afterlife, like playing with a Ouiji board or something, so I'll be less afraid. Silly, huh? I guess not existing is just something I need to come to terms with.

Totally get that feeling. Nothing unnatural about it as we are "programmed" to live. Would you be less determined about dying if circumstances were different?

Yeah, absolutely. I've dealt with trauma, physical illness, and major depression for a long time. But I also know that when life circumstances are good, I actually enjoy them. I think my natural state is one of excitement, hope, and possibility. However, the struggles have just taken their toll and I'm not that happy, goofy kid anymore.