Venting why am i so replaceable

[batmanreal]

excuse me if my grammar is extra shitty, i'm so exhausted i can barely keep my eyes open, but i can't sleep.

i don't know what i'm doing wrong, i don't know why i can't just maintain my place. everyone i have ever known has replaced me at some point.
when my dad left, my mom grew very attached to me. looking back, it was extremely unhealthy and weird, to say the least. i had to sleep in the same bed as her, she would hold me whenever she slept, and she got upset whenever i hinted at wanting to sleep in my own room/bed. we were very close, we spent so much time with each other and did everything together. i feel a little gross typing that shit out, but anyway, that all ended really abruptly. the moment she found some new guy to talk to, she actively ignored me. even if we were in the same room, she would talk to her random ass boyfriends on the phone and get really mad if i said anything or interrupted her conversation.
it happens with everyone. i meet someone, we become best friends, they find someone else, i'm no longer the best friend. maybe second best? but nobody wants that. it's embarrassing, if i introduce two of my friends to one another, they almost instantly become best friends.
if i'm talking to someone who has no/very few friends, i might become their best friend, but the moment they make another friend, i'm knocked down to second place or worse.

why can't i just be someone's favorite? i'm not just talking about people and relationships, either. even in school or work settings, i'm never the best. i guess my incompetence is to blame for that one, though.
this is why i'll never be able to have a romantic relationship. the other person will definitely either cheat on me or leave me for someone else because i'm just not worth keeping around. every single person in my life has either left or replaced me with someone better.
i just want to be #1 to literally anyone, i want to be loved unconditionally, i want to be someone's favorite; but none of that is possible. i don't know what makes me so unlikable or repulsive. i don't know what to fix or change, i've been trying my best.

 

[58Alice85]

eh all normies are like that, they simply are not interested in these kind of relationships
friends, partner, family, it all has a different meaning to them than it does for you
stop caring about other people
I'm slowly coming to terms i will never find my lover in this life
i like to imagine somewhere some kind person is being tormented by shitty people, cursing his existence
we would be the perfect match, we could be together forever, but he doesnt even know

 

[k1m]

OK my insecure friends. I thought a lot of these exact same things. And I met someone very similar to me, who had also been lonely and treated like shit, who complained all her friends were leaving her, etc. We were friends for a while, then we started dating. And guess what? It was a horrible, soul-crushing experience that I am still recovering from many months later. It turns out insecure people are awful partners. I was a terribly boring partner for her, and she got more of a kick out of ignoring me than she did from being close. We were both loners the way you describe, we were both miserable, it began like a sappy love story and in the end we just traumatized each other and will probably never speak again. That's what brought me here lmao.

Yall ever hear the phrase "people with beards are just people without beards, but with beards"? If you get into a relationship, you will still be the person you are now, just in a relationship. It's not just about having someone close to you. If you aren't comfortable in your own skin alone, the pressure of trying to impress another person will definitely make it worse. It's not uncommon to grow up without any sense of emotional safety, and think all relationships are about pushing the right buttons to make someone else love you. But if you had emotional safety, who would you be? I had no idea, and I had no idea this was even a question I needed to ask until someone offered me that safe connection.

 

[batmanreal]

OK my insecure friends. I thought a lot of these exact same things. And I met someone very similar to me, who had also been lonely and treated like shit, who complained all her friends were leaving her, etc. We were friends for a while, then we started dating. And guess what? It was a horrible, soul-crushing experience that I am still recovering from many months later. It turns out insecure people are awful partners. I was a terribly boring partner for her, and she got more of a kick out of ignoring me than she did from being close. We were both loners the way you describe, we were both miserable, it began like a sappy love story and in the end we just traumatized each other and will probably never speak again. That's what brought me here lmao.

Yall ever hear the phrase "people with beards are just people without beards, but with beards"? If you get into a relationship, you will still be the person you are now, just in a relationship. It's not just about having someone close to you. If you aren't comfortable in your own skin alone, the pressure of trying to impress another person will definitely make it worse. It's not uncommon to grow up without any sense of emotional safety, and think all relationships are about pushing the right buttons to make someone else love you. But if you had emotional safety, who would you be? I had no idea, and I had no idea this was even a question I needed to ask until someone offered me that safe connection.

i agree 100%. i'm aware that i'm far too unstable for any romantic relationship; it's something that i acknowledged a long time ago. hell, i'm too paranoid to have platonic relationships now, lol. romance isn't really the focal point of this issue, it's just another addition to it that's making me feel worse.
and i'm sorry you went through that, i hope you've at least healed a little from that relationship. thank you for responding!

 

[k1m]

i agree 100%. i'm aware that i'm far too unstable for any romantic relationship; it's something that i acknowledged a long time ago. hell, i'm too paranoid to have platonic relationships now, lol. romance isn't really the focal point of this issue, it's just another addition to it that's making me feel worse.
and i'm sorry you went through that, i hope you've at least healed a little from that relationship. thank you for responding!

There are relationships you can ease into that make this better and not worse. It's absolutely something that can be overcome imo, I think you'll be surprised by how fast it can change. It's just very hard to see that when you never feel safe or understood.

Don't tell yourself you can't! You can definitely have a best friend or a romantic partner. Just not the first priority rn.