Venting Why am I so naive

[nfives]

I'm a bubbly person, I talk too much and I trust to easily. My bf wanted me to be friends with one of his and I tried. She has similar political opinions. A similar taste in humor, so I guess it was fine. I got attached to her and we started talking regularly, you know, things friends do.

Well. I told her about my trauma, my abuse and stuff and in the last days we were beefing a bit because she said things that hurt me so I tried to hurt her back... Immature 4th grade stuff, I know. Well, I apologized and explained myself and she became even more angry, telling me that I made my trauma up, that she didn't believe me anything I ever told her, that it's my fault and stuff I already heard a thousand times.
What if it's true? What if all of them were right? What if I just lied for sympathy? What if my abuser isn't actually that bad of a person? Why would a bunch of people say that I'm a liar, that I'm making things up, if it wasn't true? But if nothing of it happened, if I'm just ungrateful, why do I have these nightmares? Why am I so traumatized? Why did I got diagnosed with cptsd? Did I lie to the professionals, too?

I'm at loss, my mind is blank, I don't know what I'm feeling and I'm afraid to tell my boyfriend, because she's his best friend and I don't want her to be angry at her. Or even worse, have him say it's not that bad or even agree with her. He says she can be a bitch but she's still a good person. I don't know what to do, I don't know what's right and what's wrong and I don't know who to talk to. I'm so hurt and angry and sad and mostly at myself because I always make the same mistake of trusting people. Telling them about my trauma. And they spit on me and remind me exactly why I should just ctb.

Sorry for my bad English, it's only my second language and my head is hurting right now and I can't think clearly.
Thanks for reading.

 

[Midgardsorm]

Your friend seems to be really angry at you, since your boyfriend already said that she can be a bitch sometimes, it's no wonder that she said things to hurt you.

First things. Any form of mental illness or even some physical illness are difficult to other people understand. Those we often call 'normies' live lives completely unaware of the existence of such difficulties.
Because of that, it's no wonder they can think you are making things up.

You're not making things up. Most users here with the same diagnosis also said there were people who didn't believe in what they said.
There were people who said they were making things up.
It's unfortunately, very common to for some people to doubt you.

Because the 'normies' world and our world are different, we are often discreet about our conditions. We avoid telling people our struggles, unless it's someone we really trust and know for a long time, because it's difficult to understand.
Also, be careful telling people if you're feeling suicidal, this is still a topic for debate. Share things only with people you trust the most, okay?
And only after they promise not to tell anyone. Secrets are secrets.

Don't be too hard on yourself.
You are dealing with this pretty good.

I wish you the best.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are suffering and are going through this, it sounds like you have done nothing wrong, it isn't the fact that you trusted them that is the problem, but the way the other person is acting. I understand it must be painful to have the suffering are going through invalidated like that. Those who haven't experienced it themselves will never be able to understand what it is like. I wish you well.

 

[Worndown]

I guess you found the door with the bitch behind it. He did warn you. Not everyone is nice and caring when outside their comfort zone. Maybe tell the bf you know what he meant when he said that and it is time to move on. Being friends on her terms will not work for you.

 

[domedune]

Being doubted is an awful feeling, and doubting oneself feels even worse. I've been in the position where I wouldn't tell someone about something important because I worried they'd side against me or reveal some dark opinion they have that I'd rather not know. The best thing to do is to confront them, imo. Usually they'll be more reasonable than you predicted, and if not, better know than continue to replay the scenario over and over in your head and wonder. Though, I completely understand why you're hesitant.

 

[nfives]

Thanks everyone, for your support, your words and time. You really made me feel better and I didn't feel misunderstood anymore.
My bf and I have been talking and he has a more objective look on it, so what I feared kinda happened? He's angry at both of us for even stirring the pot for so long, but has been supportive.
I'm glad I was able to vent in here and am very thankful.