Why am I so calm about CTB?

[depressionkills]

Hi,

I am CTBing in 12 days.

Method: Hanging together with a cocktail of drugs.

I have 0 fear, anxiety or emotions thinking about it.

Im I dead inside or do other members experience the same?

 

[Smokey8484]

I don't think you are dead inside, i think reaching a decision about something- anything- can be a huge relief and often anti-climactic, regardless if you follow through on it. And not feeling anything right now, just might be the respite your mind & emotions need. Its exhausting feeling suicidial!

 

[BPD Barbie]

When I decided I felt calm and a sense of peace inside. Like the chapter was coming to a close finally.

 

[ImpairedLowlife]

You finally know what happen to you and you took control over your life. Proud of you for not feeling scared.

 

[RedDEE]

Wait till the date gets closer. That'll be the real test. When it's far away, that's one thing. But when it gets closer, anxiety might creep in on you. Maybe not though, time will tell.

 

[iDieUDie80]

I feel indifferent about it, though usually anxiety increases when I think about it.

 

[TAW122]

I think you have found a sense of peace knowing that there is an end and that the pain will not be permanent anymore. I believe another part is when your mind has taken a break from you have found an exit, which is CTB. Of course, when the actual moment comes, your mind and your body's SI may fight against each other again, but that's natural as humans' SI have evolved throughout the course of human history, which allows humanity to survive for millions of years. Anyway, I wish you calm and peace when your time comes.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

You are at peace because of knowing that all will end and that thought gives you comfort. That your life is temporary. We all die at some point. Our suffer will end some day, different days but it will end. Just by thinking that one die I'll die gives me relief.

 

[Nymph]

I wish I could be that calm but I have pretty bad anxiety when I think about ctbing too clearly and think about my family and after life. When I decide to ctb it will have to be sudden so I don't have time to think about it