Venting why am i sad as hell

[DoNotLet2]

Because I have no friends and no one likes me. I am so talkative that you can't even imagine that. But everybody tells me to shut up no one wants to talk with me.
And I am just 18, I'm still in school... If this is my youth, what is going to be my adulthood? I am afraid to even think. I have a few trauma, but ALL psychologists misunderstand me.
I have a problem that people don't understand what I mean, which makes communication hell. I mean something neutral and people take is as an insult. I use a metaphor to describe something but the smartest people I know have no idea what this metaphor means.
I wanna have close friends so badly but I don't have even ONE friend that would talk to me. I want people that are interested in me. People NEVER start a conversation with me. NEVER. I always have to start first...
And that's why I don't wanna keep living. It is basically pointless. I am intelligent enough to have a good work to succeed but what is a success if I can't share it with my friends? What's the point of baking a giant cake with layers of frosting it just to eat it alone? There isn't a point.

 

[BPD_LE]

Being a youth is shit. FACT. You sound great. You just haven't given yourself time to find 'your people'. Keep talking, they'll find you.
P.S I'll have some cake

 

[DoNotLet2]

Awww thanks
I mean it's a metaphor I have never baked a cake yet XD I mean you can have a lot great physical things but if you're using them alone...
I am afraid that they won't because I have destroyed mental health. I had a few things in my life that made me kinda a toxic person and I get easily angry sooo it makes things hard.
I had an internet "friendship" with 2 people (they know each other). They really meant much to me and a few months ago they both said I am just a friend to them, nothing close. They wouldn't care much if I died… I got broken from the inside...I put so much effort to be their friend and they don't care about me... It sucks. I lost faith that I will have friends if it's that hard so now I wanna kill myself but I must prepare and it is going to take months.

 

[Alec]

I'm 22 and I have no close friends at all, I don't even have just friends, I don't have any kind of friends, and I feel the same as you in a way, I don't talk a lot but I have other problems and I always feel like people hate me and want me to just go away and think I'm weird. Truth be told I am weird but in a good way I think. The thing I learned is that I would rather be alone than to pretend to be somebody I'm not to have people like me and be around people who don't see me for who I am truly and are themselves not the kind of people I want to hang out with, not really. Sometimes they might be tolerable but most of the time they start to annoy me and I don't want to be around that kind of people. Plus a lot of them are toxic as hell, which the fact that they want me to pretend to be somebody else should've told me that they are toxic and bad people. The same goes for your "friends" if they treat you this way they are toxic and trash and they don't deserve you! Period! Nothing "what if" about it. I'd learned that I'd much rather be alone that around toxic people who poison me and my mental and emotional state and slowly start destroying me, there's no way to enjoy yourself and grow around those kind of people. I do feel lonely and I do want to have friends but only my kind people, the kind I can love and who can love me back. I just think it takes time to fight our kind of people because sometimes we are lucky and there are more people like us in our neighborhood where we are growing up but sometimes it's takes time and exploring the world to find them. It's sad but better than nothing;) I hope this makes you feel at least a little bit better, I love you!

 

[BPD_LE]

Unfortunately, most people are shit heads. But trust me when I say there are a handful of people out there who are kind, genuine, accepting and non judgemental. People who will accept you for you. I've met 2 in my life. My best friend I met at 19, my soul mate. Unfortunately she died 10 years ago. And my current partner who I met aged 34. No matter how weird or odd you think you are. Someone will love you. I know because I'm a total misfit and my fella thinks I'm great!

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I have made a total of five friends in my life, not including dogs. The rest were a bit of an act. All gone now though. Give it time and get some wider experience. People are just difficult and it's hard to fit in without giving up too much of yourself.

 

[Astral316]

Wish I could tell you it gets better but in the age of the social network if you don't already have friends you probably aren't making new friends.

 

[DoNotLet2]

So much relll thanks :P Lol, you do not know me and you have been more kind that most people that are sentenced to live with me. I understand you. I can't say I want friends because there is always another person with no friends that is basically toxic. "Why don't you make friends with them".

Well I am giving myself a few months even though I could do it next month... Just want to see what will happen.
Well, Astral, I know, that's why I am killing myself XD

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Wish I could tell you it gets better but in the age of the social network if you don't already have friends you probably aren't making new friends.

I would have hated to have grown up with Facebook etc it would have ruined my life

 

[BPD_LE]

I would have hated to have grown up with Facebook etc it would have ruined my life

Yes, social media is toxic. FAKE FAKE FAKE. We are real here @DoNotLet2 You are more than welcome.

Well I am giving myself a few months even though I could do it next month... Just want to see what will happen.

Great. Hang around with us. Who knows? No rush.

 

[DoNotLet2]

Well thanks now I have to learn ur shortcuts and we are fine.
Facebook is dumb I only have it to contact with people from my real life.

 

[BPD_LE]

I'm signing off for the night now @DoNotLet2 but I always answer my PMs when I'm around. Feel free to PM me if you ever want to chat, rant, cry, vent or laugh.

 

[DoNotLet2]

Ok you too.

 

[Sweet emotion]

It's very hard in this world to find genuine friends. And nothing has to be wrong with you. People suck in general. Everyone is out for themselves. People are selfish and narcissistic. I've had problems finding friends all my life. I always had one really close friend. It kind if broke my heart when I got physically sick that my best friend never came to visit me. When I was well I'd spend tons of nights with her just sitting at her house because she had to watch her grandmother who had Alzheimer's....I hate saying this but I couldn't wait for the woman to die so we could go out! Haha. Then when she did I got sick. My best friend and I worked together and I had to quit and on the nights she had off she'd spend them with people that didn't care about her at the bar up the street from my house. I just couldn't believe it. My loyalty to people is never given back to me. So don't think it's you. There are so many awful people in this world that aren't genuine.

1. I'm 22 and I have no close friends at all, I don't even have just friends, I don't have any kind of friends, and I feel the same as you in a way, I don't talk a lot but I have other problems and I always feel like people hate me and want me to just go away and think I'm weird. Truth be told I am weird but in a good way I think. The thing I learned is that I would rather be alone than to pretend to be somebody I'm not to have people like me and be around people who don't see me for who I am truly and are themselves not the kind of people I want to hang out with, not really. Sometimes they might be tolerable but most of the time they start to annoy me and I don't want to be around that kind of people. Plus a lot of them are toxic as hell, which the fact that they want me to pretend to be somebody else should've told me that they are toxic and bad people. The same goes for your "friends" if they treat you this way they are toxic and trash and they don't deserve you! Period! Nothing "what if" about it. I'd learned that I'd much rather be alone that around toxic people who poison me and my mental and emotional state and slowly start destroying me, there's no way to enjoy yourself and grow around those kind of people. I do feel lonely and I do want to have friends but only my kind people, the kind I can love and who can love me back. I just think it takes time to fight our kind of people because sometimes we are lucky and there are more people like us in our neighborhood where we are growing up but sometimes it's takes time and exploring the world to find them. It's sad but better than nothing;) I hope this makes you feel at least a little bit better, I love you!❤❤

   I agree with everything you've said here. It's very hard being alone, I know. But I'd rather be me than be fake and put on an act around people. It gets so damn tiring. When I broke out of that fake act I was putting on just to have some friends I felt amazing and found a real friend. A friend I was hoping my entire life for. And then in the end she moved away and I got sick and we grew apart. But we were so close because been both hated people but loved each other haha. I've been in the house for 14 years because I have a very painful illness which makes it I possible to have any kind of relationship. So I'm stuck in my mind all the time which is awful. It makes you go crazy. I'm not actually crazy, just depressed and riddled with anxiety. I was trying to write in my journal last night because I had no one to talk to and I couldn't even write. It looked like a second graders hand writing. I know what you mean when you say you want your kind of people to be friends with. I'm really happy I found this page because you guys are my kind of people. Being that I can't have physical relationships I've made a lot of acquaintances on this page.

 

[DoNotLet2]

Awww I like you too. I have a mental disease not physical but I connect in pain with you.