Why am I not happy?

[aalmoa001]

I know depression can hit anyone but does anyone ever think why me?
I'm a medical student, have lots of friends and yet I'm so fucking miserable, so miserable that I want to end it all.
I've tried to kill my self 4 times in the last year and a half, and I haven't told any friends or my parents. I'm so alone, and yet I can't bring myself to tell them.
I just want the next time I try to be the last
My biggest fear is someone finding me, and being put into a psych ward where my peers are on placement

 

[Rynalia]

Early on I used to think, "why me". But at a certain point I just accepted that I drew a bad lot.

Getting fixated on things that were clearly out of my control did nothing but create extra burden on my already burdened self. The energy I spent pondering why was truly better off spent somewhere else.

 

[bankai]

The reasons are so complex. Chemical imbalances are a possibility. Hormones. But the suffering is real though. I just want it to end.but like @Rynalia pointed out it's luck of the draw.Nothing anyone of us can do anything about. There are people who are smart, rich and handsome and still end it all. Think about that.

 

[Knoc]

It could be genetics; it could be your upbringing. Since there is so much variability between people, there is not a simple answer that works for everybody.

You can even be suffering from some kind of undiagnosed illness that mimics depression symptoms.


Make sure to check your health before taking any sort of drastic measure like the bus.

 

[UnemployedMD]

It is because medical school is intense and soul-draining. It can break even the strongest individuals. You are constantly competing with and comparing yourself to other talented individuals and it can quickly erode yourself of self. I started developing SI around the time I started medical school and reached ctb territory when I first applied to residency and didn't match (see my post history). I just finished residency last week. Stay strong, it will be worth it.