M
madbananas
Wizard
- Apr 29, 2020
- 620
I feel like it's almost a subconscious method of self-harm. Haven't had a cigarette in over a day now but ready for one.
I understand, I admire substances that can hurt me inside, so I avoid many judgments (Compared to self-harm, I have scars, and when people see, they look at me with disgust).
I am sensitive to cigarettes, when I smoke I feel my pressure start to drop and how I can fall anytime.
In summary: I smoke because of the feeling of falling, and I feel that no matter how much I am falling, no one will ever be there to save me.
If have some on me then I will usually go through them when down but I don't smoke often so I usually don't have any anyway. I don't find I have the motivation to go out to get them when I am low.
I used to use smoking as an excuse to get away from social situations for a bit to calm down and it was nice to chat to people outside in a smaller group without a ton of voices all around. But a I've not really been going to anything that stressed me out like that for a while.
Lol! Right it varies. Some people dying after 5 years of smoking others not till 99 lol!I do. Been smoking for almost 30 years now.
Still not dead...