Discussion Who makes you want to keep going/stay alive?

[NormallyNeurotic]

To those who don't plan to CTB, I want to know if any of you have people/living beings that are keeping you here, that make you want to keep going! Feel free to respond below with your "tier lists" after you join the poll.

My tier list is:
1. The guy I'm in love with + my cat
Both on this tier because I trust them the most, and their "cons" even eachother out more or less. For my cat, I know he needs me BUT he's also getting old and is chronically ill, so I'm just hoping he holds on for many more years. As for the guy I'm in love with... he makes my days so much brighter and me making his brighter feels so damn fulfilling BUT he has a life and friends and a future that I have less of a chance of getting myself, so he'd probably be alright without me if it came down to it?

2. My friends
All online, and not even that many anyway, but they've all been trying not to CTB themselves plus a lot of them are younger than me so I feel obligated to "lead my example." Also they're just... really great

3. Certain family members
Two very accepting older relatives and one about my age that I haven't talked to in a while but I miss and hope still thinks of me positively

4. Myself (&sys)
A future career I hope to achieve, a life I wish to make with someone, my bar mitzvah I hope to have (I wasnt raised Jewish despite being Ashkenazi so I didn't have it at 13) and my medical transition that I hope to start. Seems less important than the other stuff because it all seems so far away and pretty fleeting, but every once in a while...

 

[fallingleaves]

Right now it's basically just myself, nature, gardens, plants, and a little of the supernatural. Unfortunately as the season changes into winter I will be cut off from a lot of the natural life that helps me feel better. I'm isolated from most people right now. I have a couple long distance friends and I feel bad for saying this but they're not the reason I stick around, for the most part. Although occasionally when they come to visit I guess that helps me. I don't have pets. I do have a spiritual practice that I've turned to recently basically out of desperation. I'm exploring paths and ideas that I've always been drawn to, but never bothered to seriously pursue. I feel like most people have abandoned me, but the universe hasn't completely abandoned me, if that makes sense. (It probably won't make sense to some people.)

I'm still in a pretty dangerous place right now but I am holding on, at least for now.

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

Right now it's basically just myself, nature, gardens, plants, and a little of the supernatural. Unfortunately as the season changes into winter I will be cut off from a lot of the natural life that helps me feel better. I'm isolated from most people right now. I have a couple long distance friends and I feel bad for saying this but they're not the reason I stick around, for the most part. Although occasionally when they come to visit I guess that helps me. I don't have pets. I do have a spiritual practice that I've turned to recently basically out of desperation. I'm exploring paths and ideas that I've always been drawn to, but never bothered to seriously pursue. I feel like most people have abandoned me, but the universe hasn't completely abandoned me, if that makes sense. (It probably won't make sense to some people.)

I'm still in a pretty dangerous place right now but I am holding on, at least for now.

I haven't always been religious, but I've always been spiritual. In my worst years (teens mostly), witchcraft became my foothold on life. I even learned how to curse people, and if I hadn't done that curse bottle against the man who hurt teen me, I might have let him win.

I still don't know if the curse got through, but it helped me feel safe. Even now that I'm religious I still consider myself a witch.

Your spirituality may make no sense to someone else, but if it helps you and doesn't hurt any innocent people then why the Hell not? Be it nature, the dead, crystals, tarot, scrying or anything more cultural, you are alive because of it and it makes you want to stay that way. Sounds good to me.


Also... the fact that 4 whole people voted for "I just keep going anyway" gives me hope for my own future. You guys are amazing. Keep kicking ass.

 

[Anonymoususer1234]

I've got one family member who cares about me. I think they might be upset if I died. Or confused at the very least. Other than that I'm still around mostly because planning and executing a suicide is no simple task. And because I happen to have a strong survival instinct.

 

[j.rez729]

I'm mostly staying alive for myself, but after years of contemplating suicide on and off, I've gotten to an age (33) where I've realized I could never do that to my mother. Maybe when she's dead I'll reconsider, but for now while she's here I just can't put her through that. In my 20's and up until recently I simply didn't care about the feelings of others and even wished to inflict pain on my family and anyone else. I guess I've softened, gained some empathy maybe, but now the thought of my mother finding out and how it would destroy her is enough to keep serious plans at bay presently.

Though really, I doubt my ability to complete even if she was dead. I've been so close so many times, sitting on the edge of that building, holding that gun to my head, and I just...don't have the balls. It amazes me that some even do. Because that takes one hell of a pair to do something that major.

 

[fallingleaves]

I haven't always been religious, but I've always been spiritual. In my worst years (teens mostly), witchcraft became my foothold on life. I even learned how to curse people, and if I hadn't done that curse bottle against the man who hurt teen me, I might have let him win.

I still don't know if the curse got through, but it helped me feel safe. Even now that I'm religious I still consider myself a witch.

Your spirituality may make no sense to someone else, but if it helps you and doesn't hurt any innocent people then why the Hell not? Be it nature, the dead, crystals, tarot, scrying or anything more cultural, you are alive because of it and it makes you want to stay that way. Sounds good to me.


Also... the fact that 4 whole people voted for "I just keep going anyway" gives me hope for my own future. You guys are amazing. Keep kicking ass.

As someone whose only recourse right now seems to be throwing curses at the people who hurt me, I understand completely.

 

[dash_]

My sister primarily. Or someone I'm romantically involved with.