I'd consider a healthy measure of disgust a good sign in this world.
It seems there's a fine line between Heaven and Hell here; health, wealth, freedom, connection etc. can leave us feeling that life is a wonderful gift.
But illness, poverty, addiction, imprisonment, loneliness etc. are manifestations of Hell, and any one of them can lead to the others.
A wise man once said that life isn't about enjoyment but purpose. It's a good mantra, but leaves a lot to be desired when you're drowning.
I was so much happier before I realised what poor physical/mental health feel like. The way it corners a man, leaving him helpless, clawing at the walls of his flesh prison. As they said in the Matrix: ignorance really is bliss.
I was able to justify that I was a "good person" and others were "bad people", until I found myself in places darker than I could ever have imagined, beginning with an unwarranted assault which maimed me at the age of 15.
Now I say that there are no evil people, only evil circumstances. Desperation and programming can drive people to do utterly crazy things.
All justifications for being comfortable while others live in Hell fall short in the end, for even the bodies we use to elevate ourselves into privileged positions are gifts given unto us. Therefore, regardless of creed or beliefs, surely the only compassionate option is endless benevolence and selflessness- not such an easy task.
I keep thinking "surely there must be a way out of this, surely this can't be it for me. There must be a way to be genuinely happy."
But it's been 6 excruciating years now and I'm really losing hope. I exercise, meditate, eat health, try to stay involved in the lives of others.
Yet the gaping maw of illness remains below me.
The worst part is that we're all hapless pawns in this game; nobody asked to be here, nobody asked for this curse.
Notwithstanding the horror of it all, if I could ease your pain I would, for what it's worth.
If I could put words together in the right order to help you, I'd utter them right now.
There is no connection to the real world and much online is negative. We lead very unnatural lives and it's not healthy mentally.
Yes it's bound to drive people insane.
The way we live now is akin to a giant social experiment; nobody has ever lived like this before, and many studies indicate that spending so much time behind screens is doing us great harm as a species.