Who elses past is catching up with them?

[HannahB]

I haven't lived that long but it's catching up with me. Stupid little things in my past have seemed to add up to something insane. Family problems, college, financial decisions, relationships. At the time none of them seemed like big deals but now I have no family, I owe shit tons of money, and 4 people are trying to kill me. Its just to unbearable. I feel like I've been running my whole life and now its just worse. I feel like all of life is out to get me now. I'm scared to leave my house, to answer the phone, to look people in the eye its miserable.

 

[WhiteDespair]

I haven't lived that long but it's catching up with me. Stupid little things in my past have seemed to add up to something insane. Family problems, college, financial decisions, relationships. At the time none of them seemed like big deals but now I have no family, I owe shit tons of money, and 4 people are trying to kill me. Its just to unbearable. I feel like I've been running my whole life and now its just worse. I feel like all of life is out to get me now. I'm scared to leave my house, to answer the phone, to look people in the eye its miserable.

4 people are trying to kill you. Wait! What?

The answer to your question is: yes, the past is catching up to me

It's a strange thing. It isn't that I have a lot of bad stuff. It's more like the trauma from my childhood and persistent depression caused me to be avoid dealing with the trauma. Add to that the Lie of Normalcy where people convinced me that the abuse, neglect and torment was normal and it's what your life is supposed to be. It's normal! Now, as I improve, grow and process this stuff I realize that I missed out on a lot of experiences, lost a lot of time, didn't perform as well as I could have, lost family and friends or had them stripped away from me, engaged in self-destructive and isolating behaviors and patterns, existed in states of rage, depression and avoidance, and etc. I realize that I'm a decade behind in many aspects. I realize that I missed things which I will never get back. I realize that I am never going to be what I could have been. I realize that my life is at least half over.

So, everything comes together and gives me the existential question "Is life worth it?"

Fun stuff.

 

[HannahB]

Exactly! Like I've never really done anything that bad but life is just so fucking cruel to some people.

So I dated this chick 4 years ago and then her family found out. Long story short i got dumped and the family flipped out. Her new boyfriend literally jumped me in an alley luckily someone ran out of a house and stopped him. Her sister just got outta prison for accessory to murder and has vowed to kill my "bitch ass" and like her her mom and her dad have all waited outside my apartment and one time tried to chase me down but I got inside amd locked the door. Shits FUCKED!! jesus people are crazy af! And not just because of that but soooo many things I feel like life can never be the same I cant ever be happy

 

[WhiteDespair]

Exactly! Like I've never really done anything that bad but life is just so fucking cruel to some people.

So I dated this chick 4 years ago and then her family found out. Long story short i got dumped and the family flipped out. Her new boyfriend literally jumped me in an alley luckily someone ran out of a house and stopped him. Her sister just got outta prison for accessory to murder and has vowed to kill my "bitch ass" and like her her mom and her dad have all waited outside my apartment and one time tried to chase me down but I got inside amd locked the door. Shits FUCKED!! jesus people are crazy af! And not just because of that but soooo many things I feel like life can never be the same I cant ever be happy

That's the reaction you'd get if you took their honor roll student, cheerleading captain, going to the Ivy league, church every Sunday, volunteer every weekend and student council president into a heroin addict prostuting herself for her next fix.

And, it's just because you were dating her?

Is there something interesting or missing in the "long story short"?

 

[realjunes]

Exactly! Like I've never really done anything that bad but life is just so fucking cruel to some people.

So I dated this chick 4 years ago and then her family found out. Long story short i got dumped and the family flipped out. Her new boyfriend literally jumped me in an alley luckily someone ran out of a house and stopped him. Her sister just got outta prison for accessory to murder and has vowed to kill my "bitch ass" and like her her mom and her dad have all waited outside my apartment and one time tried to chase me down but I got inside amd locked the door. Shits FUCKED!! jesus people are crazy af! And not just because of that but soooo many things I feel like life can never be the same I cant ever be happy

Jeez, HannagB, yes some people are super crazy. Unlike you I have live a long time, and my losses have been natural for the most part, and compared to yours, I have lived a good life. But now I am sad and scared for you. I will keep you in my thoughts.

 

[Rachel74]

Mine most definitely is x

 

[truthseeker]

My reckless years of heavy drinking and drug abuse certainly did beginning nearly 20 years ago.

 

[Mr. Sensitive]

After 50 years of living a shitty life it caught up with me. I'm now 57yrs old and can't fix any of my past . It seems everyday it gets worst.

 

[GinaIsReady]

4 people are trying to kill you. Wait! What?

The answer to your question is: yes, the past is catching up to me

It's a strange thing. It isn't that I have a lot of bad stuff. It's more like the trauma from my childhood and persistent depression caused me to be avoid dealing with the trauma. Add to that the Lie of Normalcy where people convinced me that the abuse, neglect and torment was normal and it's what your life is supposed to be. It's normal! Now, as I improve, grow and process this stuff I realize that I missed out on a lot of experiences, lost a lot of time, didn't perform as well as I could have, lost family and friends or had them stripped away from me, engaged in self-destructive and isolating behaviors and patterns, existed in states of rage, depression and avoidance, and etc. I realize that I'm a decade behind in many aspects. I realize that I missed things which I will never get back. I realize that I am never going to be what I could have been. I realize that my life is at least half over.

So, everything comes together and gives me the existential question "Is life worth it?"

Fun stuff.

You see into my mind and soul ....

 

[mattwitt]

My life finally came crashing down hard 2 years ago after 25 years of working and bad decisions So far I have been able to survive since then but I have not been able to fully recover and move on and I don't think I will be able to because some of the damage I did to myself has been unrepairable so far.

 

[Sweet emotion]

My reckless years of heavy drinking and drug abuse certainly did beginning nearly 20 years ago.

Liver or pancreas damage?

 

[truthseeker]

Liver or pancreas damage?

Liver. A diseased one will effect other organs eventually, kidneys, spleen, etc.

 

[Sweet emotion]

Liver. A diseased one will effect other organs eventually, kidneys, spleen, etc.

I know. That is how my father died. Liver failure due to alcoholism.

 

[dandan]

Twenty years of "depression" made me do things or not do things i needed to do. Now, in a 37 year old guy who is way behind his peers, no house, I'm not great at my job, i dont have a partner-wife-girlfriend , my bank account is ridiculously small, my teeth have been eaten by cavity because i always thought i would die before that happened...

Now, today, in doing testosterone and dianabol, i feel incredibly good, and even so my situation kind of sucks...

I need to start my own side hustle business but I have not finished programming yet and with the gym, the job, I have not finished it....

But here I am.... not feeling depressed anymore..

 

[WhiteDespair]

Very cool @dandan

 

[GreyMonkey]

Yep.

Little things from earlier this year biting me in the ass super hard right now.

 

[Final Escape]

I haven't lived that long but it's catching up with me. Stupid little things in my past have seemed to add up to something insane. Family problems, college, financial decisions, relationships. At the time none of them seemed like big deals but now I have no family, I owe shit tons of money, and 4 people are trying to kill me. Its just to unbearable. I feel like I've been running my whole life and now its just worse. I feel like all of life is out to get me now. I'm scared to leave my house, to answer the phone, to look people in the eye its miserable.

Oh yes, my past has really caught up with me to the point that I feel like ctb is the only way out much of the time. There's nothing substantial enough to keep me around in the second half of life. I'm in poverty, childless, partnerless, careerless, friendless, and not young enough to change any of the above to any significant degree. So if I continue to live it will be just very lonely, excruciatingly difficult, and meaningless. I've been a complete waste in this life.