Who else lives like this?

[Hydrokhoos]

I'm so tired of depression and everything that comes with it.

My rooms a mess. I can't ever find anything. I just took a long hard look at my bathroom counter that's covered in bandages, self harm tools, prescription bottles, and other random shit.

When I'm manic everything gets a place. I clean over and over and over again.

But when I'm depressed it's just stuck like this and it stresses me out more.

On the plus side, its keeping me from ctb'ing because I dont want anyone to come in and see that I lived like this.

 

[Manja]

Lol...also I'm alnost never manic so you get the idea

 

[mathieu]

Yeah, if I didn't have a housekeeper I would be just as bad. Rotten fruit just chucked on floor, rubbish everywhere except the bin, every dish and cutlery dirty... i Just get so overwhelmed by it and don't know where to begin..I have the housekeeper through having a disability. She's a god send

 

[freefrommybody]

Clutter aggravates my anxiety, and I can't stand not being able to find stuff, so I guess I just never let things get quite like that.

 

[Hydrokhoos]

Yeah, if I didn't have a housekeeper I would be just as bad. Rotten fruit just chucked on floor, rubbish everywhere except the bin, every dish and cutlery dirty... i Just get so overwhelmed by it and don't know where to begin..I have the housekeeper through having a disability. She's a god send

I can't get a housekeeper right now, but that's definitely something I'm strongly considering in the future when I'm more financially stable. It would be worth the money to not feel this awful. So much stuff gets lost in the clutter and I've broken a lot of things because everything was such a mess. It all happens so slowly and suddenly just piles up like this, it would be easy for one person to go through and clean at least once a week.

 

[mediocre]

It doesn't even look that bad from the picture. You should see my place I just toss everything on the floor. I constantly trip over stuff. I am a few items away from being featured on that tv show Hoarders. The only reason I can still get around in my flat is because other people come in and clean up. Otherwise I'd be long dead buried under stuff.

 

[Hydrokhoos]

It doesn't even look that bad from the picture. You should see my place I just toss everything on the floor. I constantly trip over stuff. I am a few items away from being featured on that tv show Hoarders. The only reason I can still get around in my flat is because other people come in and clean up. Otherwise I'd be long dead buried under stuff.

Maybe next time I'll make a "whose place looks the worst?" thread

But I'm sorry things have gotten to that :hugs: the struggle is real.

 

[k75]

Oh yes. When my depression gets bad every surface I have becomes a horrendous clutter trap, which makes me even more anxious and depressed, but I can't seem to do anything about it.

This is just one of my surfaces, which is supposed to be pretty clear and organized. But right now everything looks like that and worse.


Oddly enough, my clutter keeps me from hurting myself too. I feel this need to have my apartment spotless before I go.

 

[Sensei]

I recognize myself in this. I think the trick is to deal with one thing at a time. When you go the bathroom, deal with one item: put it on a shelf, throw it away, etc. The next time you go to the bathroom, deal with another item, and so on. It's much easier to muster up energy for one thing at a time than dealing with everyting at once.

 

[Hydrokhoos]

Oddly enough, my clutter keeps me from hurting myself too. I feel this need to have my apartment spotless before I go.

I'm always reminded of this scene in the movie Wristcutters where the main characters place is a wreck, so he cleans it and then CTB's.

 

[Malletboy]

Yeah I identify with this pretty hard. I just spent 3 straight days stuck in bed w/o showering and 1 meal a day (delivered of course) because i could hardly leave my bed, let alone my room. The place had turned into a pigsty.

One of my buddies messaged me to come watch the Monday football game at my place. The potential embarrassment of having him see me like that was all the motivation I needed to take care of myself and my room. It only took an hour too, I just lacked the drive to do anything for those couple of days.

I guess on those days where things seem utterly impossible, it's important to start somewhere.I was lucky to have the ability to do it all at once. But if it means simply starting by getting out of bed and turning on all the lights, then just try to start with that. All of the small tasks start to add up and you hit a snowball effect that ends with a clean room/clean sense of self.

 

[k75]

I'm always reminded of this scene in the movie Wristcutters where the main characters place is a wreck, so he cleans it and then CTB's.

Yes! Just like that. LOL
That was a good movie, but I had totally forgotten about that scene.

 

[ZemTee]

I used to go way out of my way to hide my razors, pills, bandages, scraps of paper I wrote personal things on even. If I CTB on accident I didn't want people to find indicators of weakness, I guess. At a certain point I thought it through a bit more. One, if I CTB on accident I'd probably have a razor or pill bottle out anyway, two does a dead man care what people think of him? I don't think so. Fast forward to present, unless it's trash, or warrants being put away I just leave it where I leave it. No problem with people thinking I was depressed if I die of suicide, blood loss from a self inflicted wound, or accidental overdose.

 

[Manja]

When I still had friends coming over I didn't clean up fror them
They even told me they respect me for that lol

 

[TearyEyedQueen]

You've seen nothing if you didn't see the state of my apartment right now lol

 

[Fragile]

yeah, i can relate to this.

a few years ago my apartment was nothing but a waste, bottles of cheap liquor and empty food boxes all over the place. i guess i'm still the same but instead of empty bottles of alcohol i now have boxes of random benzos.

i just can't bring myself to go out of my bed unless i'm starving.

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

Me. I always had problems with cleaning my place because of ADHD and now I have zero energy or motivation to do it. I barely can clean my cats pads.
My apartment is horrendous. Cats throw down everything and I just leave it there on the floor.
I only had a shower today after 10 days of not showering or simply washing my face.
Disgusting.

 

[Santiago]

Cleaning helps my mental health so I try to keep things neat.

I used to be like this though.

 

[NeCkDeEp]

Wow I spoke yesterday with a friend about it and she told me that it's the best to do one thing at a time, even if it's just bringing a fork to the kitchen. Set up little goals everyday to get your place day by day a bit more clean and tidy.

I'm planning to ctb soon and somehow I feel like I can't leave my place a mess so that's a 'motivation' as well

 

[Sweet emotion]

Me. I always had problems with cleaning my place because of ADHD and now I have zero energy or motivation to do it. I barely can clean my cats pads.
My apartment is horrendous. Cats throw down everything and I just leave it there on the floor.
I only had a shower today after 10 days of not showering or simply washing my face.
Disgusting.

I understand about not wanting to shower. It's the one thing I wish I could just snap my fingers and have done. It feels like such a chore. Especially with my nerve disease. It's very painful. Then we have to dry our hair. I have a lot of hair and that is a task in itself and by the time I'm done I'm sweating so bad I wonder why I even took a shower. Then I have to put numbing cream on my ears and it has to be the perfect temperature or BAM! Pain city! Don't be too hard on yourself about that. I have cats as well. Tyler and Perry after Aerosmith. How many cats do you have?

Wow I spoke yesterday with a friend about it and she told me that it's the best to do one thing at a time, even if it's just bringing a fork to the kitchen. Set up little goals everyday to get your place day by day a bit more clean and tidy.

I'm planning to ctb soon and somehow I feel like I can't leave my place a mess so that's a 'motivation' as well

Yeah even if you do one chore a day like vacuuming. Or one room a week.

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

I understand about not wanting to shower. It's the one thing I wish I could just snap my fingers and have done. It feels like such a chore. Especially with my nerve disease. It's very painful. Then we have to dry our hair. I have a lot of hair and that is a task in itself and by the time I'm done I'm sweating so bad I wonder why I even took a shower. Then I have to put numbing cream on my ears and it has to be the perfect temperature or BAM! Pain city! Don't be too hard on yourself about that. I have cats as well. Tyler and Perry after Aerosmith. How many cats do you have?

Yeah even if you do one chore a day like vacuuming. Or one room a week.

I can only imagine how hard it is for you to live with constant physical pain and be constantly vigilant during everyday activities:(

I have three and a half cats because one is a chonker and goes for 1.5
My hair is curly and I cowash (don't use shampoo), it took a great effort today to detangle all the knots.
I used to have pretty hair but after the surgery it not as thick and there is a small bald spot in one place of the insicision.
Damn surgeon also cut a strip of my hair against our agreement, I feel insecure about my hair now :(
I was really proud of it

 

[freefrommybody]

I'm always reminded of this scene in the movie Wristcutters where the main characters place is a wreck, so he cleans it and then CTB's.

That was satisfying and interesting to watch. Thanks for posting. Also, I never thought to use a sponge instead of a cloth to clean things like that. Maybe I will.

 

[Moonicide]

I'm right there with you. I have no friends irl so I don't have to worry about people visiting me.
But this is just the side of my computer, filled with medications and vitamins:

Blurred and added stickers for obvious reasons.

I get a bit amused though, because when I do finally ctb and they find my body, they will see all those pill bottles and just be like, "Dang, she was really sick."
No shit.