Story Who else is here due to chronic illness or pain?

[whatever111]

I've been sick since January and struggling with an array of different symptoms that I won't even fully get into bc I'm tired. It affected my GI/digestive system largely which in turn has made eating such a complicated task. I don't enjoy food and have developed some form of disordered eating. I dropped 60lbs due to not eating properly and from the weight/muscle loss my already hypermobile joints have gotten weaker and ache. My GI symptoms can not be explained by any test and imaging and I've had pretty extensive work up. Doctors don't know what's wrong which means my treatment options have just been guessing games with no relief found. Trying to navigate the medical system, being your own doctor by researching your symptoms for answers all while feeling unwell is beyond exhausting. I wake up everyday in disbelief that is what my life has come to. I've always struggled with health issues thru out my life but nothing , nothing this devastating. This has taken everything that I ever enjoyed away from me. i feel like a shell of my self. I cry every day from the emotional and physical burden this has all caused. I rarely leave the house. Interacting with society is a constant reminder of everything I lost. I don't talk to any of my friends. I just watch tv all day. I live with my mom and dad and my mom has essentially became my care taker. I have support and loving family but this only goes so far. I use to have such a fruitful life and was going towards living my dream life. I have been robbed of any form of quality of life. ive been on FMLA but I'm going to lose my job soon if my health doesn't improve. Nobody can understand the torment getting thru a single day. Everything is spiraling I am so so sad and hopeless. I'm holding on for my mom, dad , sister and dog and the fact that I'm actually terrified to commit. I wish my life wasn't one of the ruined ones :(

 

[whywere]

I was in a VERY nasty car crash in April 2015, and the crash tore part of my spinal cord out of the back base of my brain and now I have horrible 24/7 chronic pain.

The sad fact of the matter is that I was not at fault, in fact at the wrong place at the wrong time. I was driving south, and another driver was driving east, and he blew through the stop sign and I t-boned him at around 50mph. There is a walking path at the scene, and it was full of folks walking and they said that he did not even apply his brakes at all, just went straight through the stop sign.

When I woke up in ICU the next day, I was informed that he was mad that he did not get to go "clubbing" and did not care one bit that he put me in ICU at all.

Now I take a lot of opioids, 20mg of Hydromorphone each day and I wear a 20mcg buprenorphine patch. They will be jumping me way up the ladder in the opioid chain. either fentanyl or 50mg of Hydromorphone.

My CNS (central nervous system) is completely trashed, and I not only have the darn 24/7 pain but now I am starting to lose feeling in my right side and down the road there is a possibility that I will not be able to walk again.

I WILL NOT ever go into a wheelchair, as I will do the Sarco device or something of that nature first.

I am going to leave a college scholarship after I am dust. I want young, old, age does not matter at all. to get an education and better themselves.

Walter