Discussion Who else is grieving the life they could have had?

[Praestat_Mori]

What the title says. Who else is grieving the life they could have had if certain things in their lives hadn't happened or had a different outcome?

In my case, I failed big in life a few years ago and now I'm rotting at home after I finally gave up about 2 years ago. The "positive" thing is that it didn't get worse after giving up but it also didn't get better. If I hadn't failed in life I could live through my best years - living life not having to rot away while still being alive.

What's the use of being alive while not being able to live life?

 

[no-hope-no-future]

It's sad to think that the knowledge I have now could of given me a completely different outcome to where I've ended up. That say knowledge is power but without it you're powerless. Unfortunately it's too late now. All I can do now is just look at trying to finish what I started many years and maybe one day I can finally CTB.

 

[StupidCat]

I do. I regret so many things in life. Mostly because of my inaction and stupidness. I don't really anyone to blame but myself. And that what hurts the most.

 

[febuary]

Constantly. it eats me up inside and my inability to cope with that knowledge is one of the main reasons behind my decision to CTB.

 

[Griever]

Not only my life that I could have had, but also so much more

 

[Forever Sleep]

Further back I suppose. I wonder how my life would have turned out if my Mum had lived. (She died when I was 3.) The crap that happened when my Dad remarried affected me massively afterwards. To cope with that period, I picked up a coping mechanism- which I suppose I should be grateful for- pursuing a creative career. But really, I suppose that was always fated to be problematic so, now that it's less appealing, suicide is all the more appealing.

I wonder if I'd be more balanced, more open with people, more sociable if my Mum had lived. Perhaps not though. I was always shy. So was she apparently. It's hard to know.

I also know I can't just lazzily blame it all on circumstances. I've taken less daunting options in life, rather than work on the things that I knew held me back. I can only really blame myself for that.

Even weirder though, I don't entirely regret decisions I made. Even if they were probably the wrong ones. I just accept that I pushed myself sometimes and other times, I pandered to my fears. Now, I see it as kind of learnt though. Maybe learnt helplessness maybe. In that the times I did push myself to be brave in life were deeply unpleasant and yielded little reward. So now, it's more that I'm happier to not push so hard. There's a certain enjoyment/ relief in feeling I won't put myself through that again- unless I absolutely have to.

 

[roommate]

Wish I've never drinked alcohol, the biggest gateway drug of them all.

 

[Why was I born]

I fucked up too many times, my whole life I've made nothing but stupid decisions.

 

[Darkover]

you would think if you was to be brought alive it would be for something good not bad just goes to show how pointless everything is
i wish i could say i had a good life but that would be a lie
i've never been to a more pointless place than this shitty universe
why would anyone ever bring anything alive here it's evil place to be alive in

 

[The Unanswered Q]

Made a bunch of stupid decisions several years ago that led to me spending the last five years as a shut-in NEET. Thinking about all the things I've missed out on is one of the few things that can get me even close to crying.

 

[LivingANDDying26]

Grieving the life I thought I could have. What I wass working towards only to realize... yeah it's not going to happen like I thought. Nor do Ik how to make it happen with what I got or how to "change" things anymore. Stupid decisions I've made too.

Over the last few months just giving up more and more.

Grief. Regret. Resentment. & then by giving up sometimes brings a lil peace but not while I'm still here...

 

[Esc9434]

A thread from one of my favorite SS posters. I'll answer it in chat DMs. Please be on the lookout.

 

[Pluto]

 

[imOK]

If it was a different life, it would not be me.

 

[timechained]

I grieve the deaths I could have had...

 

[MissWannaLive]

I can just wish where I could be if I hadn't have met certain people in my life. I think if I didn't meet them maybe I wouldn't struggle with my own mental. Unfortunately being younger and foolish and full of want to help others at all cost now comes back negativity. I can just live with my exhausted body and mind and repeat the same schemes over and over while my mind spirals further.
I wholeheartedly wish I wasn't on the net those few years back. If I would just stick to being offline then while I wouldn't uncover my passion I would safe myself from carrying the consequences that others left on me.
Now I can only spiral further, maybe one day being ready to CBT or maybe one day getting some meds that will make me a functional member of the society so I could stop pretending.
In short. If I had the knowledgeable from now I would like to safe my old self from the so called friends I had. I have exhausted myself on saving them and now there is no one to save me. Ironic.
Maybe in another lifetime I will be more successful. Using my life for something more than just existing and looking how time flies by, people are successful and I'm stuck in being too tired to do what I like.
I will forever grieve over the life I could have.

 

[LittleMagician]

What the title says. Who else is grieving the life they could have had if certain things in their lives hadn't happened or had a different outcome?

In my case, I failed big in life a few years ago and now I'm rotting at home after I finally gave up about 2 years ago. The "positive" thing is that it didn't get worse after giving up but it also didn't get better. If I hadn't failed in life I could live through my best years - living life not having to rot away while still being alive.

What's the use of being alive while not being able to live life?

Not me, because I know the life I could've had would've been way more shit. Success and happiness are fleeting, the bigger the success, the bigger the downfall essentially. I would've gotten so overwhelmed that I wouldn't even have time to enjoy the things i know I like now.

 

[Polyxo]

My parents had so many high hopes for me but now they've tempered their expectations. I compare myself to my sibling all the time. We had the same opportunities, were equally smart... I ended up being a loser in the end.

 

[22yearsbroken]

WIth every day and every thought... i was told 22 years ago that the baby wasnt mine.. ao after struggling i spent a year or so in the same time pretty much in qork 24/7 and drinking aniffin droppin all the time it became to much so i ran... i had family abroad so i went ..and then travelled the world for years working from one place to anorther i just kept running until i was told ahe was my daughter so.. eventually i came home and i was not allowed to see her despite my best efforts with my ex but to know prevail.. and now i realise i wasnt there she had a stable life she is happy .. had a dad that brought her up... she is happy.. why would i try and step in niw and disrupt her life .... if i had never run .. my world would be different... i think about her all the time things that could of been... but here we are.. i kniw stuggle to put her out of my mind to avoid the crushing heartache ...and now my health is failing id dont want to get to know only for my body to give up ..and then im gone...

 

[Forveleth]

I did this for a while and then realized it was making me even more miserable. I try not to now but it is difficult to not constantly think about having a better life.

I could have told my parents to fuck off instead of letting them control my life. I could have said no to my partner instead of letting him manipulate me into a one-sided relationship. All of this could have prevented depression from sapping my energy and motivation and I could have been so much further in life than I am now.

 

[wiz_miz_03]

I have so many regrets. Made so many mistakes, I'm done

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Success and happiness are fleeting, the bigger the success, the bigger the downfall essentially.

That's what happened to me - I was so close to my big goal and I literally lost the game. The downfall broke me and makes it so much more difficult to start over again.

 

[tbh2023]

What the title says. Who else is grieving the life they could have had if certain things in their lives hadn't happened or had a different outcome?

In my case, I failed big in life a few years ago and now I'm rotting at home after I finally gave up about 2 years ago. The "positive" thing is that it didn't get worse after giving up but it also didn't get better. If I hadn't failed in life I could live through my best years - living life not having to rot away while still being alive.

What's the use of being alive while not being able to live life?

I do. I was fine until my friend and also the closest person to me on earth took his own life. I told him if he ever go through with it, I'll be behind him. I didn't do it yet. I feel guilty for staying that far. If he was alive we probably can make it through this evil life but I just can't by myself.

 

[Jiroscope]

I wish I had a normal family, that my father wasn't an abusive and controlling dickhead. It really broke my spirit. I think I would be a lot less depressed, anxious, etc. I'd have the willpower to finish my degree and hopefully actually have a career. I was so close but I couldn't finish my last year. How tf am I supposed to finish school when he sleep deprives me by waking me up at 3am with his tantrums and I have exams the next day, or shuts off the internet when I need to hand in assignments.

I wish COVID didn't happen. I was finally coming out of my shell and being social, going out and meeting new people. COVID + not finishing school put me in a flunk so bad I joined this site. I'm still here, half a decade later.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I wish COVID didn't happen. I was finally coming out of my shell and being social, going out and meeting new people. COVID + not finishing school put me in a flunk so bad I joined this site. I'm still here, half a decade later.

COVID had a terrible impact on especially young folks who couldn't connect and socialize as this is normal in their teenage years and early 20s. This happened worldwide.

I can say that COVID didn't have an impact on me but I could imagine how fed up I would've been when I was younger - all those restrictions and not being able to meet friends, going out / party and all that.

 

[bankai]

Not me. I did the best I could. Now I don't want to try anymore. My watch has ended.

 

[LastNite]

I wish I wasnt born weird I dont know why but I just cant make simple conversations it scares me. I also wish I had friends or someone to hang out with. I also wish I had a nice family a nice dad who doesnt beat you for no reason. Many more things but it's not possible. I've failed all even school I dropped out because all I got out of it was getting bullied.

 

[ToTheTwillight]

I recently has big self discovery of myself on what really spiraled my life downwards from a young age, knowing what I know now that if I learned to cope and manage who I was early then things might have turned much better. I was born smart and very talented and I had quite the potential, but I also can be very slow with people and not acting on things that are crucially important for survival which really fucked me in life. Ultimately I found myself despite my best efforts and career aspirations, that I been blacklisted and there is no hope. Wish I could have a do over in life, but maybe still be someone else, because that not having the mind to up to speed with people and knowing dangerous situations in life that you have to act now, can be quite brutal some.

 

[cowboypants]

I think it hurts you in a certain way deeply. When your life isn't moving an inch while you see the world around you move on. I'm not new to that feeling, but it only leaves me feeling empty more and more

 

[OhhDrugzZ]

I always wonder how my life would have turned out if things had been different. If everything had stayed the same. I wouldn't have to deal with PTSD, I wouldn't have taken drugs or spent a year in a homeless shelter.

Maybe in different timeline I would be happy and live good life right now. I think that applies to all of us here.