Who else attempted before and is paralyzed with fear about what to do next?

[RevolutionaryRed]

My attempt was in summer 2018, ever since then I've been scared and confused about what to do next. I'm not sure if I wanna ctb anymore. But I dont wanna do anything anymore, just crawl into a corner for the rest of my life . But I know that I can't live like that.

Maybe I should try it to ctb again idk.

I'm just rambling

 

[Kukubananas]

I feel the exact same way. I'm going tonight though

 

[Cookiedough8956]

Same...i hate this feeling.

 

[GeorgeJL]

Yeah I attempted before and that just fixed my resolve to get it right next time with a painless method. I've got N now with anti-emetics.

 

[chrijo]

Same here. I'm stuck in this situation and I hope that damn feeling finally goes away, like the morning of my first attempt. Nothing to feel anymore was beautiful. I've never been so relieved in my life.

 

[RevolutionaryRed]

Same here. I'm stuck in this situation and I hope that damn feeling finally goes away, like the morning of my first attempt. Nothing to feel anymore was beautiful. I've never been so relieved in my life.

Same, I think that's a feeling people can't understand. The feeling of happiness you have knowing all your suffering is going to be over

 

[Kukubananas]

Hi guys,

I didn't end up doing it on Monday. I decided I wanted to spend one full day with my family first, so that's what I did. I'm ready to go now without any doubts.

Currently sitting in my car, here's what I've done thus far:

~30 minutes ago: I took 100mg of dimenhydrinate and 50 mg of meclizine and 800mg of Tagamet.

I'm sitting in the back seat of my car on a street where no houses face my car. There was no alternative to doing it anywhere else.

I've fasted for about 18 hours but did have a small glass of caffeine free tea (no citrus or anything else that fucks with your stomach) I took the pills with this tea.

At exactly 12:14 pmEST I've taken my sn. I forgot to bring a warm water bottle so I only have a coldish one to do it with. I used 3 TEASPOONS of sn as I was too lazy to use a scale. This should be approx 17-18g. It mixed super easily and i let it sit for a couple seconds and it's nearly clear with 0 clumps. I will update this every few minutes or so until I hopefully ctb.
It was SUPER salty

 

[time2go]

Hi guys,

I didn't end up doing it on Monday. I decided I wanted to spend one full day with my family first, so that's what I did. I'm ready to go now without any doubts.

Currently sitting in my car, here's what I've done thus far:

~30 minutes ago: I took 100mg of dimenhydrinate and 50 mg of meclizine and 800mg of Tagamet.

I'm sitting in the back seat of my car on a street where no houses face my car. There was no alternative to doing it anywhere else.

I've fasted for about 18 hours but did have a small glass of caffeine free tea (no citrus or anything else that fucks with your stomach) I took the pills with this tea.

At exactly 12:14 pmEST I've taken my sn. I forgot to bring a warm water bottle so I only have a coldish one to do it with. I used 3 TEASPOONS of sn as I was too lazy to use a scale. This should be approx 17-18g. It mixed super easily and i let it sit for a couple seconds and it's nearly clear with 0 clumps. I will update this every few minutes or so until I hopefully ctb.
It was SUPER salty

Safe travels friend

 

[Kukubananas]

About 5 mins in right now, fast heartbeat. Little nauseous. No headache
Very nauseous now
There up can't bretahe
I threw up. Back of my throat hurts. Gonna sit here for a bit
12:26 Still have a rapid heart beat. Stomach feels funny. Back of throat burns.
I think I waited too long after taking my pills. Should have been 30 mins max I think I was over by about 10-15 mins.

 

[ForestLove]

How are you feeling now, kukubananas?

 

[Kukubananas]

I keep coughing

How are you feeling now, kukubananas?

Just super nauseous. A little dizzy. Having difficulty taking a full breath. Keep coughing. Back of throat hurts

 

[ForestLove]

Sorry to hear that. Do you think the SN is working? Or do you think you want to go ER instead?

 

[Kukubananas]

Sorry to hear that. Do you think the SN is working? Or do you think you want to go ER instead?

I'm not going to the ER no matter what. Idk if it's working bc it was supposed to Be painless. I feel a little drunk to be honest
I feel really hot and it's hard to concentrate. I think it's working

 

[ForestLove]

I'm not going to the ER no matter what. Idk if it's working bc it was supposed to Be painless. I feel a little drunk to be honest
I feel really hot and it's hard to concentrate. I think it's working

Are you alone currently?

 

[Kukubananas]

I feel really calm now. No more nauseous I feel like I'm gonna pass out in a second. My body feels really heavy. My hands are shaking like I habebnk no energy

Are you alone currently?

Yes

 

[ForestLove]

Are you still there? Talk to me.

 

[Jamba]

wh

My attempt was in summer 2018, ever since then I've been scared and confused about what to do next. I'm not sure if I wanna ctb anymore. But I dont wanna do anything anymore, just crawl into a corner for the rest of my life . But I know that I can't live like that.

Maybe I should try it to ctb again idk.

I'm just rambling

well what about N?

 

[DrownedOctopus]

My attempt was in summer 2018, ever since then I've been scared and confused about what to do next. I'm not sure if I wanna ctb anymore. But I dont wanna do anything anymore, just crawl into a corner for the rest of my life . But I know that I can't live like that.

Maybe I should try it to ctb again idk.

I'm just rambling

Well there are resources available if you no longer think ctb is the solution best for you.
I've failed twice, and it's an empty haunting feeling to fail. It was my own impulsive stupidity. I know what I'm doing the next time I try and will be actually planning so I don't fuck it up again. I also plan on a method I'm less likely to survive.
I'm not afraid to try again, I'm afraid I'm going to fail again. So I don't plan on ctb again until I know I've got it planned right.

 

[Olach]

It seams that Kukubananas has successfully pass away with SN

 

[Roberto]

I feel really calm now. No more nauseous I feel like I'm gonna pass out in a second. My body feels really heavy. My hands are shaking like I habebnk no energy

Yes

A big hug! nice travel to the endless sleep. Thanks for your words.

 

[zadig777]

It seams that Kukubananas has successfully pass away with SN

last time she said the same and came back,so dont be so shure

 

[Ifonlysheknew]

May your soul be at peace.
Bless your heart

 

[throwaway123]

My attempt was in summer 2018, ever since then I've been scared and confused about what to do next. I'm not sure if I wanna ctb anymore. But I dont wanna do anything anymore, just crawl into a corner for the rest of my life . But I know that I can't live like that.

Maybe I should try it to ctb again idk.

I'm just rambling

bro I know exactly how you feel and I don't know what to do either.

At the moment I'm just trying to get my life back together. I thought about getting SN but to be honest deep down in my heart I know the moment I take SN I will panic and do something stupid that would fuck up my attempt.

I'm just not ready to go but also not ready to live. Just trying to get by.

 

[deathplease]

My attempt was in summer 2018, ever since then I've been scared and confused about what to do next. I'm not sure if I wanna ctb anymore. But I dont wanna do anything anymore, just crawl into a corner for the rest of my life . But I know that I can't live like that.

Maybe I should try it to ctb again idk.

I'm just rambling

I can totally relate. The process of dying scares me but being dead doesn't. Whenever I feel discomfort when I attempt suicide I back out of it :/ that's why I need something instant and almost painless.

 

[whatever1111]

My attempt was in summer 2018, ever since then I've been scared and confused about what to do next. I'm not sure if I wanna ctb anymore. But I dont wanna do anything anymore, just crawl into a corner for the rest of my life . But I know that I can't live like that.

Maybe I should try it to ctb again idk.

I'm just rambling

I feel the same...I've realized I have 5 different, contradictory feelings at the same time,
I'm totally conflicted, can't make any decisions - to ctb, to seek help, to confess my situation,
to find a new job, to study, nothing…

 

[ProlongedSentence]

Tried countless.
Found blood clot on brain a few years ago.(No doubt in my mind from an attempt.)
I have no idea how anyone gets it done right.
I should be dead already.
Some freakin' entity keeps saving me.
I fckin' want OUT.
Now I have no health insurance, no job, no promises for future except to wait until I am absolutely even more of a freakin' failure. What do you call it? Oh yeah. Someone at the side of the road that everyone wants to cast their eyes from, pass by and act like they do not exist or in the very least... lol figure. "Well I can't help them" "Someone else will."
Well. Fck that.
I want OUT and I hope someone here will help me FIND the way at last.
Please someone help me.
Please.
I beg for mercy.

 

[Roberto]

I feel the same...I've realized I have 5 different, contradictory feelings at the same time,
I'm totally conflicted, can't make any decisions - to ctb, to seek help, to confess my situation,
to find a new job, to study, nothing…

Also. That is why I love to have the same day everyday. I hate to take decisions because it takes me (if I end with one of the options otherwise I finish as I started) so long time.