Discussion Who could you have been and, what stopped you?

[Forever Sleep]

Did you ever have the potential to be anything other than you are do you think? That can relate to anything- your personality, your relationships, your career. Did it all go wrong for a specific reason or, at a specific point?

I think- had not so many of my family members died when I was young and had I not grown up with a (suspected) narcissist, I think I would have ended up different- personality wise. I think I may have ended up more sociable and open. Probably not so fixated on a unsustainable coping mechanism too- my creative work- which saved me initially but is now failing. I think I would have ended up more confident without all that. Still- shit happens in life. I'll fully take on board that in some ways- I took the less difficult options in life. I should have challenged myself on my issues earlier on. That way, I wouldn't have been too scared to aim higher. So- it's my 'fault' too for not helping myself. In some ways, I made lots of effort in life- maybe more than most- I literally uprooted and restarted my life multiple times. Still- the underlying problems I probably never addressed and- they follow you wherever you go.

How do you feel though? I expect for many, it will be illness or trauma that struck you down. That's so sad. Feel like sharing? Blaming? Whatever you like...

 

[grumixamas]

I was the only asian kid on my class. Always treated as a genius, I was average at best. The pressure made me not want to be near people and made me study more to always get good grades. On highschool I could not keep going like that and my life derailed.

After finishing highschool with the minimal grades, I spent some years doing nothing. My parents were ok with this.

I got "better" after 3 years, only by myself, no medics or drugs. I finished college, got an ok job, got a better job and moved far away from my parents.

This year, was the worst year of my life and everything came back at once.

I think that things could be better if I had help when I was a kid or a teenager, but I don't blame my parents. They had financial problems in the last 20 years and I don't know how my father didn't ctb.

 

[carac]

I've had problems with health since the age of 18 (46 now) Not sure what I could have been but probably a damn lot more than I am today.

 

[Kit1]

I am my own critique - often pushing myself and telling myself to work harder, do better etc. But I have only had myself since birth to try and find a way out of an abusive childhood, teenage homelessness etc. To be honest, I have had to learn to breathe, keep myself safe, find out how to survive etc all alone - and now despite having what most would consider a good life, I don't know it I could have done better - I feel I could have, but not sure how. All I know is that in the lottery of life, I did a lot better than most who have come from similar traumatic backgrounds who sadly didn't make it at all, ended up in forced prostitution, psychiatric hospitals, prisons etc and I am certainly grateful (not sure to what) that it didn't end up too bad.

 

[Celerity]

If I could go back and do it all over again, I wish I could have become a doctor. Now that I am less neurotic and could deal with the stress, I am getting too old to go back to school for it. It's a long, hard road with a multitude of obstacles. I find myself unwilling to sacrifice another 10-12 years of my life when I already threw away my twenties.

One thing I wish I had done in my wasted 20s was go out more. I was so scared of rejection, and I built up all of it in my head. Now, I'm behind the curve trying to catch up on stuff I should have done a decade ago.

 

[Dead Horse]

I don't know who I could have been and I never will, but mental health is what mostly stopped me from being it.

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

Artist. I have a lots of talent but no self esteem. I wanted to work part time to have time for my art but my mom was against that even tho I was making enough to pay for my bills... Chasing this dream of mine have also ultimately caused my downfall