Help Which method?

[Kermit6969]

Hello all. I have several methods available to me and I am planning on CTB between Christmas and New Years. In your opinion what would be the best method?

1. Opioids, benzos, and muscle relaxers
2. 12 gauge shotgun to the chest
3. .45 ACP to the heart or neck
4. Hanging full or partial
5. Vehicle accident (my neck is solid bone from surgeries so I'm sure it wouldn't hold up to well and would break)

I have teenage children and don't want to do anything as to where they can't do an open casket so this is why I'm not listing gunshot to the head. I'm not sure how long it would take to bleed out the other ways buts I'm guessing not too long.

I would really like for it to look accidental for my children's sake so I have even contemplated the idea of paying a homeless person a good sum to make it look like a robbery/murder.

I'm at the end of my rope and my family would honestly be better off with the life insurance money than with me here.

 

[justcallmeJ]

Im sorry you feel this way. But may I ask why you want to do this? You could traumatize your children, maybe they could cbt too because of the loss. Have you tried therapy? Maybe you should not do cbt in the middle of the holidays, and see if you can get a different way of thinking on this forum.

For the methods they are all risky. The first 4 clearly indicate suicide, unless you can make someone else shoot you. number 5 is hard to have it look on accident, so unless you are very lucky, it will be declared as a suicide aswell.

Please think it over.
I wish you the best <3

 

[Kundalini Guy]

Gun to head if I had it, I would be alive by now

 

[Kermit6969]

Im sorry you feel this way. But may I ask why you want to do this? You could traumatize your children, maybe they could cbt too because of the loss. Have you tried therapy? Maybe you should not do cbt in the middle of the holidays, and see if you can get a different way of thinking on this forum.

For the methods they are all risky. The first 4 clearly indicate suicide, unless you can make someone else shoot you. number 5 is hard to have it look on accident, so unless you are very lucky, it will be declared as a suicide aswell.

Please think it over.
I wish you the best <3

Thank you for the response. I understand about the holidays, my inital plan was to CTB on my birthday but that didnt work out due to unforseen circumstances. I have tried therapy as well as medication but to no avail. I am disabled due to my neck surgeries, lack of mobility, and pain. I woudl give anything for a different way of thinking but I have been battling depression and suicidal thoughts for 32 years and I'm just tired. I am a shell of my former self and unable to have a productive life. My wife and children deserve so much more than I can provide and with the life insurance money they could move on and have better lives without me holding them back.

 

[Dot]

Suicde methds r v persnl & = decsn tht u nd t/ mke fr urslf -- othr ppl cnnt tll u wht methd u shld b usng

Thre r rsourcs on th/ frum t/ hlp u mke an infrmd decsn fr urslf

Rgardng th/ holdys = wrth notng tht ctb ovr Chrstms wll affct hw thy 'celbr8' Chrstms & NY fr th/ rst of thr lves -- s/ u shld thnk creflly abt ur timng

Am nt goin2 tll u wht t/ thnk or dcide regardng ur own suicdl feelngs & th/ suffrng tht u hve b xperncng fr ovr 30 yrs - slf wll jst ask abt ur finl sentnce abt only providng financlly -- d/ u evr provde ur famly/childrn wth Ncourgemnt or wisdm or qualty tme tht thy wld also mss out on if u ctb

Am nt invald8tng n.e of ur reasns - am jst tryn2 chck whthr u r thnkng clearly wth reasnng lke thm b-ing bettr off w/o etc as tht = nt alwys th/ cse

 

[Specific_Milk]

Translation of Dot's post:

'Suicide methods are very personal and it's a decision that you need to make for yourself. Other people cannot tell you what method to use.

There are resources on the forum to help you make an informed decision for yourself.

Regarding the holidays, it's worth noting that ctbing over Christmas will affect how they 'celebrate' Christmas and New Year for the rest of their lives. So, you should think carefully about your timing.

I am not going to tell you what to think or decide regarding your own suicidal feelings and the suffering that you have been experiencing for over 30 years. I will just ask about your final sentence about only providing financially. Do you ever provide your family/children with encouragement or wisdom or quality time that they would also miss out on if you ctb?

I am not invalidating any of your reasons. I am just trying to check whether you are thinking clearly with reasoning like them being better off without, etc., as that is not always the case'

 

[Meditation guide]

Hello all. I have several methods available to me and I am planning on CTB between Christmas and New Years. In your opinion what would be the best method?

1. Opioids, benzos, and muscle relaxers
2. 12 gauge shotgun to the chest
3. .45 ACP to the heart or neck
4. Hanging full or partial
5. Vehicle accident (my neck is solid bone from surgeries so I'm sure it wouldn't hold up to well and would break)

I have teenage children and don't want to do anything as to where they can't do an open casket so this is why I'm not listing gunshot to the head. I'm not sure how long it would take to bleed out the other ways buts I'm guessing not too long.

I would really like for it to look accidental for my children's sake so I have even contemplated the idea of paying a homeless person a good sum to make it look like a robbery/murder.

I'm at the end of my rope and my family would honestly be better off with the life insurance money than with me here.

One of the rules of this site that I wish more people were aware of is:

Do not try to get the community to tell you what to do, only you can choose your path and actions.

What you are asking is so highly personal that throwing it out here for discussion isn't a good idea.

 

[Kermit6969]

One of the rules of this site that I wish more people were aware of is:

Do not try to get the community to tell you what to do, only you can choose your path and actions.

What you are asking is so highly personal that throwing it out here for discussion isn't a good idea.

I'm sorry, I wasn't wanting someone to tell me which one to use. I appreciate the input and nobody on here will know what path I choose to go because I wouldn't want anyone to feel like they had any part in it. I pretty much have my mind set on a certain way, I was just listing the options that I have available (which is not all of the available options, just my top ones) for people to give their two cents of how they would ctb with said options. Just kind of a consensus. I didn't think that it sounded in any way that I was asking someone to pick for me. Thanks.

 

[justcallmeJ]

Thank you for the response. I have tried therapy as well as medication but to no avail. I am disabled due to my neck surgeries, lack of mobility, and pain. I am a shell of my former self and unable to have a productive life. My wife and children deserve so much more than I can provide and with the life insurance money they could move on and have better lives without me holding them back.

I see, thats awful, im so sorry. Are you sure your family might be better of without you? Im asking because my father left me after a divorce 12 years ago. Last month he sent me a birthday card, and wishes to have contact again, and i accepted. After I told him im trans, he left me again. It fucking breaks my heart I barely had a father in my life, and I would do anything to have one, no matter if he would be disabled. They are so important in the wellbeing of children, if my parents had a better relationship I probably wouldn't even be here.

I know you are in pain, but you made a choice to have children. You should be there for them. Dont make them go through this, you are not worthless. No amount of life insurance money could replace their father.

Sorry im acting like a pro-lifer currently (some people might judge me for it), but this hits me on a personal level.

Please think it over.

 

[Kermit6969]

I see, thats awful, im so sorry. Are you sure your family might be better of without you? Im asking because my father left me after a divorce 12 years ago. Last month he sent me a birthday card, and wishes to have contact again, and i accepted. After I told him im trans, he left me again. It fucking breaks my heart I barely had a father in my life, and I would do anything to have one, no matter if he would be disabled. They are so important in the wellbeing of children, if my parents had a better relationship I probably wouldn't even be here.

I know you are in pain, but you made a choice to have children. You should be there for them. Dont make them go through this, you are not worthless. No amount of life insurance money could replace their father.

Sorry im acting like a pro-lifer currently (some people might judge me for it), but this hits me on a personal level.

Please think it over.

Thank you. I have close friends that tell me the same thing, that money cant replace me. I'm sorry to hear that your father left again. I just don't understand his reasoning being because you are trans, my children have been raised to be who they are without judgement which is how I think it should be. I hope that nobody judges you for your opinion because everyone is entitled to their own.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I have close friends that tell me the same thing, that money cant replace me.

I'm sorry that you have to suffer so much and you are trapped in such a tough situation. Money can't replace you, money can't heal your pain that forces u to consider such a drastic decision like CTB, money can help to heal wounds when it gives safety to your family. You will have to make your own decisions in this regards, nobody here can do that for you. I wish you all the best whatever you decide to do.

Aside from what has been said and if I had the choice for one of your mentioned methods I'd choose opiods + benzos as this is the most peaceful method imo.

 

[justcallmeJ]

Thank you. I have close friends that tell me the same thing, that money cant replace me. I'm sorry to hear that your father left again. I just don't understand his reasoning being because you are trans, my children have been raised to be who they are without judgement which is how I think it should be. I hope that nobody judges you for your opinion because everyone is entitled to their own.

Then you are an amazing father, and you have raised amazing children.
I truly hope you can get better <3

 

[piddincir]

not telling you what to do here but I have first hand experience, my wife took her own life 7 weeks ago today.

I know she thought that my life would be better off without her. She couldn't have been more wrong and I will follow her after her funeral. She suffered with depression and suicidal ideas for 20 years, my love definitely kept her alive longer, she had a tough year and her thinking spiralled to thinking the world would be better off without her. had things gone differently for her this year she wouldn't have taken her life, they didn't and she did. I know she would have wanted me to live but a life without her is not a life I can live. It's ruined my life and she didn't just take her life that night she took mine. I tried and failed to take my own life a few weeks ago and I promised her that I would make it to her funeral

If she could have seen the affect this had on me (and everyone really) I know she would never have been able to do this in retrospect, sadly she can't.

It has had a really profound affect on a really large number of people.

I would give all the money in the world to bring her back

Anyway, this is not trying to tell you not to do it, it's just my two cents. I know first hand how devastating this can be, I know that my own death will have a huge impact on my family and friends but that isn't enough for me not too, so I do get where you're coming from.

 

[Kermit6969]

not telling you what to do here but I have first hand experience, my wife took her own life 7 weeks ago today.

I know she thought that my life would be better off without her. She couldn't have been more wrong and I will follow her after her funeral. She suffered with depression and suicidal ideas for 20 years, my love definitely kept her alive longer, she had a tough year and her thinking spiralled to thinking the world would be better off without her. had things gone differently for her this year she wouldn't have taken her life, they didn't and she did. I know she would have wanted me to live but a life without her is not a life I can live. It's ruined my life and she didn't just take her life that night she took mine. I tried and failed to take my own life a few weeks ago and I promised her that I would make it to her funeral

If she could have seen the affect this had on me (and everyone really) I know she would never have been able to do this in retrospect, sadly she can't.

It has had a really profound affect on a really large number of people.

I would give all the money in the world to bring her back

Anyway, this is not trying to tell you not to do it, it's just my two cents. I know first hand how devastating this can be, I know that my own death will have a huge impact on my family and friends but that isn't enough for me not too, so I do get where you're coming from.

Thank you so much for sharing this sensitive information with me. I'm very sorry for your loss! This year has been horrible for me as well especially the last few months, it is pushing me over the edge.

 

[thefinalcut]

Thank you for the response. I understand about the holidays, my inital plan was to CTB on my birthday but that didnt work out due to unforseen circumstances. I have tried therapy as well as medication but to no avail. I am disabled due to my neck surgeries, lack of mobility, and pain. I woudl give anything for a different way of thinking but I have been battling depression and suicidal thoughts for 32 years and I'm just tired. I am a shell of my former self and unable to have a productive life. My wife and children deserve so much more than I can provide and with the life insurance money they could move on and have better lives without me holding them back.

Life insurance will typically not pay out on suicide. The only monies to which the beneficiaries are entitled in that case are the total of premiums paid into the policy. Have you verified? If you are carrying a policy through military service, that is an exception, as there is no such exclusion.

 

[piddincir]

Thank you so much for sharing this sensitive information with me. I'm very sorry for your loss! This year has been horrible for me as well especially the last few months, it is pushing me over the edge.

thank you and I am really sorry to hear that, life can be cruel , I know first hand how cruel but also I saw how it ground my wife down this year to the point the only option she saw was taking her own life. She lost hope, I understand that better now as I have lost all hope. Long story short, she lost her job and struggled to get another, started drinking a lot and got into debt. She had hope but really spiralled in the month before she died. I know if she just hung on a little longer things would have improved for her. Again not telling you what to do but I know only too well how things can seem hopeless and you can't hang on forever hoping things will get better, I know for me they won't, but for some they will. it's the gift of hindsight that unfortunately no one possesses

I don't know you but the way you describe raising your children to be open minded and independent but not judgmental makes you a great father. my parents raised me the same and I am very grateful for them for that. My wife's parents were not so kind and really all her troubles came from them, she was a lovely person and loved by all, just not by herself.

 

[Kermit6969]

Life insurance will typically not pay out on suicide. The only monies to which the beneficiaries are entitled in that case are the total of premiums paid into the policy. Have you verified? If you are carrying a policy through military service, that is an exception, as there is no such exclusion.

I've had the policy for 20 years and the only exclusion for suicide is during the first two years of the policy so I am in the clear to CTB.
I

thank you and I am really sorry to hear that, life can be cruel , I know first hand how cruel but also I saw how it ground my wife down this year to the point the only option she saw was taking her own life. She lost hope, I understand that better now as I have lost all hope. Long story short, she lost her job and struggled to get another, started drinking a lot and got into debt. She had hope but really spiralled in the month before she died. I know if she just hung on a little longer things would have improved for her. Again not telling you what to do but I know only too well how things can seem hopeless and you can't hang on forever hoping things will get better, I know for me they won't, but for some they will. it's the gift of hindsight that unfortunately no one possesses

I don't know you but the way you describe raising your children to be open minded and independent but not judgmental makes you a great father. my parents raised me the same and I am very grateful for them for that. My wife's parents were not so kind and really all her troubles came from them, she was a lovely person and loved by all, just not by herself.

I appreciate the kind words. I have hung on for years thinking the longer that I do things will improve but it's sadly just one thing after another.

 

[piddincir]

I've had the policy for 20 years and the only exclusion for suicide is during the first two years of the policy so I am in the clear to CTB.
I

I appreciate the kind words. I have hung on for years thinking the longer that I do things will improve but it's sadly just one thing after another.

I am really sorry to hear that and I do totally get that, I know my wife held on longer for me too. I wish you peace brother.

if you're looking for a peaceful method that will allow for an open casket then do look into inert gas, it's my chosen method. If you use nitrogen and have someone you trust you can have them remove the bag and gas tank and will look like a natural death, obviously this would make them an accessory

My wife od'ed on sleeping pills, alcohol and taped a bag round her head, I found her but she looked very peaceful, like she was sleeping and probably less traumatising that finding her another way and knowing she didn't suffer. I would highly recommend that you ensure no love ones find you, it makes an awful situation even more traumatising.

 

[Kermit6969]

I am really sorry to hear that and I do totally get that, I know my wife held on longer for me too. I wish you peace brother.

if you're looking for a peaceful method that will allow for an open casket then do look into inert gas, it's my chosen method. If you use nitrogen and have someone you trust you can have them remove the bag and gas tank and will look like a natural death, obviously this would make them an accessory

My wife od'ed on sleeping pills, alcohol and taped a bag round her head, I found her but she looked very peaceful, like she was sleeping and probably less traumatising that finding her another way and knowing she didn't suffer. I would highly recommend that you ensure no love ones find you, it makes an awful situation even more traumatising.

I wish you peace as well brother. If you ever need someone to talk to then you can always comment on my post. I've held on for years for my wife and my kids. The kids are basically grown now (late teens) and I have instilled the best qualities in them that I can and my wife is still young enough to move on with her life if she chooses that route. I really appreciate the suggestion, the bad part is everyone I know is totally against me when it comes to CTB. I mean if I could get someone to take the evidence for a couple hundred bucks or something then that would be great. I plan on either being in a car or hotel room when I go due to the fact that I don't want my wife or kids to find me.

 

[thefinalcut]

I've had the policy for 20 years and the only exclusion for suicide is during the first two years of the policy so I am in the clear to CTB.
I

I appreciate the kind words. I have hung on for years thinking the longer that I do things will improve but it's sadly just one thing after another.

That's awesome. I had no idea policies like that existed outside the military. I fought with myself a bit not being able to leave anything behind for anyone, but I don't have any dependents. I got over it.

 

[Kermit6969]

That's awesome. I had no idea policies like that existed outside the military. I fought with myself a bit not being able to leave anything behind for anyone, but I don't have any dependents. I got over it.

The majority of life insurance companies have a two year contestability clause for suicide, lies on the application or anything they want to try and contest it for but after the two years they can't contest it. It's to keep people from buying a lot of insurance and then CTB for the money.

 

[thefinalcut]

The majority of life insurance companies have a two year contestability clause for suicide, lies on the application or anything they want to try and contest it for but after the two years they can't contest it. It's to keep people from buying a lot of insurance and then CTB for the money.

Well damn. My agent made it sound like it would never pay on suicide. Can't remember how we even ended up on that topic. Probably not a good idea to bring it back up and ask when the exclusionary period ends. I'm too lazy to dig my policy out. I've only had it a year, and there is no way in hell I am taking this shitshow another year.