Online therapy bot ghosting you or an actual therapist ghosting you. Lol
I had a really rough day today. I left the place I was at because the friend that's been taking care of my homeless ass was getting angry and mad, rightfully so because my advocates haven't done anything but procrastinate meanwhile helping people I refer them to, so now over a year anywho, my friend tells me or rather complains about how others think he's crazy for helping me which makes me feel even worse about myself so I get my courage to try to find another place, mind you I'm homebound partially because of my anxiety and truck load of other diagnoses and partially because his building has strict visitor's rule so I need to be in a hideout. So I manage to find a place, my friend all worried but better than having him upset or mad at me because if me, I go. I thought I would be staying with a couple, nope a guy lied to me. Then I found out he's a paranoid person like no phones past the doorway foyer area and that things I wrote down, my ideas and thoughts to be left with him because he thought they were his ideas for his YouTube channel. Anyways, he tells me I could stay while he's out and all up until I refuse to cuddle with him. He of course says he's not expecting anything but he's such a sleezeball. He asked for a hug which I was okay with but then manipulated me into cuddling so I back off. Not to mention he had a nasty hard on and kissed my cheek. Oh and he had the audacity to touch my butt. The bed I was supposed to sleep on had crap all over it, the couch was being used by his dog so I hated but ended up on his king size bed...that I eventually had to sleep on a small sofa because I was at the edge of the bed about to fall off because he was right on top of me. So he then wakes me up saying I need to leave with him in 15mins to his dental appointment. He passive aggressively tells me to go because he asks what I wanted to do and I said I wanted to sleep because I didn't sleep at all and he said it was okay that I stayed the night before. But he didn't feel the connection because we didn't cuddle, coming from someone who said "I don't want to force anything". Do leaving a place is hard for me let alone in 15mins but I managed. He had me waiting for over two hours and being in a public place for that long is very difficult for me. I almost had a pamic attack and a meltdown. I survived and we went back. I took a nap and he tells me he needs to leave in two minutes and he'd be out for an hour and I could go with him to his interview. I just decided to leave desire him saying let's give it try for a week because he's not giving me enough time to get ready and making me anxious and nauseous and etc. So I'm sitting in a Starbucks trying to figure things out, stuck in a seat, and four hours later the guy texts and says he's back home if I wanted to come back. One night was enough. The only reason why I stayed was because it was really late and couldn't go anywhere. I was literally stuck. This is why people who are struggling with mental illness, who can't get any treatments, out of desperation and trying to meet the most basics of human necessity end up in a lot worse place. You can't just address the surface issues. I'm so livid at how little treatments are available. Some doctors will refuse to see you if you don't pay them upfront. Now medical necessity is only available to the rich and deny care to the poor? Because we don't deserve to be treated as humans? Because we don't have money, we're worthless? Well I'll have you know I have a lot of great ideas and dreams and goals that people I tell to tell me to pursue it. Well I guess I can't if I can't stabilize myself and live in a safe place. Go fuck myself right?
Sorry for the rant. I hope none of you have to go through this. No one deserves this.
Oh to top this icecream with sprinkles, my advocate yells at me saying I'm not doing anything. Lol she was supposed to get me a place to live in so I can start therapy. I wanted therapy many many years ago which is another reason why I left my friend's place so I can go to therapies because teletherapy therapists ghost me which also was my advocates/case manager's duty but not only did she not help me get this she told me to wait for housing. I've been waiting and waiting and my patience is thinning out. I can't keep waiting indefinitely while Irot in bed doing nothing. I just want to get better. Is that too much to ask? Am I being selfish? Everything I've gotten I've gotten it because I did something. If it were up to me, I'd have a place but of course I have to do it through my case manager.
I had a really rough day today. I left the place I was at because the friend that's been taking care of my homeless ass was getting angry and mad, rightfully so because my advocates haven't done anything but procrastinate meanwhile helping people I refer them to, so now over a year anywho, my friend tells me or rather complains about how others think he's crazy for helping me which makes me feel even worse about myself so I get my courage to try to find another place, mind you I'm homebound partially because of my anxiety and truck load of other diagnoses and partially because his building has strict visitor's rule so I need to be in a hideout. So I manage to find a place, my friend all worried but better than having him upset or mad at me because if me, I go. I thought I would be staying with a couple, nope a guy lied to me. Then I found out he's a paranoid person like no phones past the doorway foyer area and that things I wrote down, my ideas and thoughts to be left with him because he thought they were his ideas for his YouTube channel. Anyways, he tells me I could stay while he's out and all up until I refuse to cuddle with him. He of course says he's not expecting anything but he's such a sleezeball. He asked for a hug which I was okay with but then manipulated me into cuddling so I back off. Not to mention he had a nasty hard on and kissed my cheek. Oh and he had the audacity to touch my butt. The bed I was supposed to sleep on had crap all over it, the couch was being used by his dog so I hated but ended up on his king size bed...that I eventually had to sleep on a small sofa because I was at the edge of the bed about to fall off because he was right on top of me. So he then wakes me up saying I need to leave with him in 15mins to his dental appointment. He passive aggressively tells me to go because he asks what I wanted to do and I said I wanted to sleep because I didn't sleep at all and he said it was okay that I stayed the night before. But he didn't feel the connection because we didn't cuddle, coming from someone who said "I don't want to force anything". Do leaving a place is hard for me let alone in 15mins but I managed. He had me waiting for over two hours and being in a public place for that long is very difficult for me. I almost had a pamic attack and a meltdown. I survived and we went back. I took a nap and he tells me he needs to leave in two minutes and he'd be out for an hour and I could go with him to his interview. I just decided to leave desire him saying let's give it try for a week because he's not giving me enough time to get ready and making me anxious and nauseous and etc. So I'm sitting in a Starbucks trying to figure things out, stuck in a seat, and four hours later the guy texts and says he's back home if I wanted to come back. One night was enough. The only reason why I stayed was because it was really late and couldn't go anywhere. I was literally stuck. This is why people who are struggling with mental illness, who can't get any treatments, out of desperation and trying to meet the most basics of human necessity end up in a lot worse place. You can't just address the surface issues. I'm so livid at how little treatments are available. Some doctors will refuse to see you if you don't pay them upfront. Now medical necessity is only available to the rich and deny care to the poor? Because we don't deserve to be treated as humans? Because we don't have money, we're worthless? Well I'll have you know I have a lot of great ideas and dreams and goals that people I tell to tell me to pursue it. Well I guess I can't if I can't stabilize myself and live in a safe place. Go fuck myself right?
Sorry for the rant. I hope none of you have to go through this. No one deserves this.
Oh to top this icecream with sprinkles, my advocate yells at me saying I'm not doing anything. Lol she was supposed to get me a place to live in so I can start therapy. I wanted therapy many many years ago which is another reason why I left my friend's place so I can go to therapies because teletherapy therapists ghost me which also was my advocates/case manager's duty but not only did she not help me get this she told me to wait for housing. I've been waiting and waiting and my patience is thinning out. I can't keep waiting indefinitely while Irot in bed doing nothing. I just want to get better. Is that too much to ask? Am I being selfish? Everything I've gotten I've gotten it because I did something. If it were up to me, I'd have a place but of course I have to do it through my case manager.
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