Where to ctb? need help.

[krk1110]

I have my N ready and anti emetics wil reach me in a week. I'm currently in US for work. Initially, I thought of ctb here since I have more time and privacy here. My family is desperately waiting to see me for more than a year now. All my relatives and neighbors are envious about us since I got to work in a foreign country, and yes, my parents are very proud and happy now. If I do it here, they will get to see me only dead after all that waiting, and all the people around them will ask why did they allow a girl to go abroad all alone and that is why something happened to me here, and they will make my parents feel more bad on top of the pain I'm going to give. Also, it will take them some time to get my body and they will have to be crying and waiting without sleep after hearing the news for a few days.
I'm supposed to return in Jan, 2019. I have also bought them a lot of things. If I ctb here, I'm not sure how would my belongings reach them and they will not receive it happily anyways. Considering all these every single thing, I'm now confused and not sure where to do. Should I do it back home? but I do not have any privacy, I will have to do it only after everyone is asleep. Also, I will be more guilty and scared to do there after seeing their happy faces and while receiving all their love. not sure if that would be a reliable and safe option. I'm more depressed trying to decide where.
Please help.

 

[tevati]

I think you should do it in your homecountry, alone for the reason transporting your dead body cost a lot of money. See your family last time and for the privacy part go in the woods and do it there. You may write a suicide note it helps you with ctb and after that your family at least if you don't blame them.

 

[krk1110]

@tevati - Yeah, what you said seems reasonable. I want to see them one last time too. I could not go on anymore and I decided to give up because of my years of depression. So, I do not have anything to blame anyone.
Going to the woods is definitely not an option because of different reasons. I wish they would not understand or find out how did I die and be clueless. Of course, the method I have chosen is not common or well-known in my country, I'm sure no one except me would have even heard that something like N could exist. I don't want them to feel haunted or live without peace by doing it at home. May be where I would stay for work, but that would involve police and other complications. I'm still so confused:(

 

[Lovemykids]

Dépend which is your home country
You mention you have N ready
Assuming if you want to do it in home country there is risk getting N over the plan even on baggage

Getting your belonging to home country will cost less than a flight ticket but also depends how much things

Getting your dead body to home country will definitely cost more then a flight ticket

Your only concern should be how to get N with you to home country

 

[Schopenhauer]

I'd do it in the US. Too much risk trying to get the N across borders, as Lovemykids remarked. Unless transportation of your body will literally bankrupt your parents. Maybe you get a loan beforehand, so they'll have a nice windfall before you die, to help defray the costs.

 

[Ghab]

Do it in your home country, see your family one last time, go out into the forest or a national park for privacy, take items that mean something to you, like religious holy objects, favorite books, notes, a suicide note, food and water. all secured inside a book bag. Spend one last day alone by yourself. Peace be with you.

 

[Ghab]

Oh fuck, I forgot about borde control

 

[Ghab]

You're gonna have to di it in America

 

[krk1110]

I have seen posts in this site saying its safer to take in the checked-in bag. So I was planning to put one bottle in each bag along with other perfumes and stuff. Would they still find it out?

I'm from India, I wish to do it there but only problem is where because it's not like US. ctb in hotels is something I have never heard anyone doing. If I do outside home, it will just draw media attention and I will be featuring in newspapers and local channels. I really fear and hate that.
Of course, if I do it here also, it will be on news, I have read online about few techies committing suicide in US.

I want a silent death without publicity and noise. I feel stupid for thinking too much after deciding how to die. But I feel I should at least give this much thought for the sake of the ones I'd leave behind.

 

[Counting down]

I have my N ready and anti emetics wil reach me in a week. I'm currently in US for work. Initially, I thought of ctb here since I have more time and privacy here. My family is desperately waiting to see me for more than a year now. All my relatives and neighbors are envious about us since I got to work in a foreign country, and yes, my parents are very proud and happy now. If I do it here, they will get to see me only dead after all that waiting, and all the people around them will ask why did they allow a girl to go abroad all alone and that is why something happened to me here, and they will make my parents feel more bad on top of the pain I'm going to give. Also, it will take them some time to get my body and they will have to be crying and waiting without sleep after hearing the news for a few days.
I'm supposed to return in Jan, 2019. I have also bought them a lot of things. If I ctb here, I'm not sure how would my belongings reach them and they will not receive it happily anyways. Considering all these every single thing, I'm now confused and not sure where to do. Should I do it back home? but I do not have any privacy, I will have to do it only after everyone is asleep. Also, I will be more guilty and scared to do there after seeing their happy faces and while receiving all their love. not sure if that would be a reliable and safe option. I'm more depressed trying to decide where.
Please help.

Go home now, go see your family. Act as if it's a surprise visit, Jan 19 is still a long time away. See if your mood changes being at home. If it's the same, then as Ghab said in a previous post : a trip to a forest/park with some precious items.

I plan to do the same thing in the new year. Under the guise of a surprise visit, travel home, party with friends, take lots of photos and videos and post them to FB (only because I have little to no photos of my friends and myself and I want them to have some to remember me by) and then ctb.

 

[krk1110]

Go home now, go see your family. Act as if it's a surprise visit, Jan 19 is still a long time away. See if your mood changes being at home. If it's the same, then as Ghab said in a previous post : a trip to a forest/park with some precious items.

I plan to do the same thing in the new year. Under the guise of a surprise visit, travel home, party with friends, take lots of photos and videos and post them to FB (only because I have little to no photos of my friends and myself and I want them to have some to remember me by) and then ctb.

Thank you, I will give this option a serious thought.