Where do you find genuinely nice people?

[Ambivalent1]

I don't know where they're hiding. Are they in Atlantis or Lemuria?

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Idk maybe volunteering at the homeless shelter or a fire department? Then again volunteers may actually be suffering from empathy burnout so maybe the real best place to find nice people is to find the people that normally show the least amount of empathy but unknowingly crave the opportunity to exert it.

 

[Ambivalent1]

Idk maybe volunteering at the homeless shelter or a fire department? Then again volunteers may actually be suffering from empathy burnout so maybe the real best place to find nice people is to find the people that normally show the least amount of empathy but unknowingly crave the opportunity to exert it.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Fair

 

[innominesatanas44]

All the good people in this world are dead. Their brain is turned off and they will never speak to us, think of us, or love us ever again.

 

[xinino]

All the good people in this world are dead. Their brain is turned off and they will never speak to us, think of us, or love us ever again.

They live in my brain, I created clones of them.

 

[innominesatanas44]

They live in my brain, I created clones of them.

I don't know where they're hiding. Are they in Atlantis or Lemuria?

They are hiding in his brain

 

[halleyscomet]

You just have to chat to people and hope they're worth your time.

 

[Ambivalent1]

You just have to chat to people and hope they're worth your time.

They never are

 

[Pluto]

Hello, I like cats.

 

[Ambivalent1]

Hello, I like cats.

A good person lol

 

[Forever Sleep]

Define a 'nice' person. Are you a 'nice' person? What about you makes you especially 'nice'?

I'm not so sure we are all looking for 'nice' people. Maybe what we consider 'good' people but- that is also kind of subjective. That depends on what you value.

I have a feeling you might find what I would call a 'nice' person a bit insipid. I'd define a 'nice' person as someone who is probably non confrontational, polite, goes with the flow. Almost like they don't have very strong opinions or- they won't voice them if they happen to contradict someone else. Maybe that's just my take though.

You seem intelligent and well read. I get the impression you want to meet someone with lots of depth and intelligence that you consider 'worthy' of your time. I suppose we all hope to find good matches in life to suit us and hope they are 'nice' and kind enough to give us their time. Really though, that probably isn't a 'nice' quality when you think about it! It's pretty discriminatory- athough, we're all guilty of it I suspect. Not meaning to pick on you here.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

They don't exist. Nobody is nice

 

[Dopamine_Junkie44]

I am usually hoping that I am worth their time and that humbleness seems to attract a few people. I also don't expect them to prove that they are worth it. And so far it worked nicely. Nice to me means that they consider that they might be wrong in some things and can apologize. They allow other people to be as they are. They never ask me to change for them. It comes down to "treat other people like you want to be treated". They offer advice and accept my influence in return. For me it is enough if people try to be good. I fail that often enough myself.

 

[Ambivalent1]

Define a 'nice' person. Are you a 'nice' person? What about you makes you especially 'nice'?

I'm not so sure we are all looking for 'nice' people. Maybe what we consider 'good' people but- that is also kind of subjective. That depends on what you value.

I have a feeling you might find what I would call a 'nice' person a bit insipid. I'd define a 'nice' person as someone who is probably non confrontational, polite, goes with the flow. Almost like they don't have very strong opinions or- they won't voice them if they happen to contradict someone else. Maybe that's just my take though.

You seem intelligent and well read. I get the impression you want to meet someone with lots of depth and intelligence that you consider 'worthy' of your time. I suppose we all hope to find good matches in life to suit us and hope they are 'nice' and kind enough to give us their time. Really though, that probably isn't a 'nice' quality when you think about it! It's pretty discriminatory- athough, we're all guilty of it I suspect. Not meaning to pick on you here.

Nice people don't often tend to be nice to me because I don't look harmless. So I guess they're not very nice after all

Yeah I'd like to meet people with depth. But everyone I encounter is a shallow little puddle that's never read a book or thought deeply in their life.

 

[derpyderpins]

Nice people don't often tend to be nice to me because I don't look harmless. So I guess they're not very nice after all

Yeah I'd like to meet people with depth. But everyone I encounter is a shallow little puddle that's never read a book or thought deeply in their life.

You say those people aren't nice but immediately bad talk them for not being as intellectual and educated as you.

Reading the comments on this board and in this thread is teaching me that liking people is a skill. I recommend you work on liking other people. Every one doesn't have to be your friend, but try to learn to appreciate what makes them unique. You can learn a lot from people with different experiences. Take the good and leave the bad.

 

[Saturn_]

The quote "familiarity breeds contempt" has been a sort of guiding mantra throughout my life. The nicest people are the ones I'm not overly familiar with, and my life is one giant hedgehog's dilemma. The closer we get to one another, the more susceptible we are to hurting one another. Then I retreat back into myself and never look back.

 

[Ambivalent1]

You say those people aren't nice but immediately bad talk them for not being as intellectual and educated as you.

Reading the comments on this board and in this thread is teaching me that liking people is a skill. I recommend you work on liking other people. Every one doesn't have to be your friend, but try to learn to appreciate what makes them unique. You can learn a lot from people with different experiences. Take the good and leave the bad.

Sounds too advanced for me. I'm judgmental as hell.

 

[derpyderpins]

Sounds too advanced for me. I'm judgmental as hell.

A common road block on here: wanting others to give but not intending at all to try and give in return.

Friendship is a social contact. Very different people are able to be friends if they both get something out of it. But if you're sitting there saying "I'm intellectual and well-read. I demand a friend who is the same. Also I'm very judgemental and unforgiving but my friend must be a 'nice' person," you must see the imbalance in your proposed terms. Especially when you are the one with a deficiency in friends, and therefore should be bringing more to the table in negotiations.

 

[Ambivalent1]

A common road block on here: wanting others to give but not intending at all to try and give in return.

Friendship is a social contact. Very different people are able to be friends if they both get something out of it. But if you're sitting there saying "I'm intellectual and well-read. I demand a friend who is the same. Also I'm very judgemental and unforgiving but my friend must be a 'nice' person," you must see the imbalance in your proposed terms. Especially when you are the one with a deficiency in friends, and therefore should be bringing more to the table in negotiations.

So what must I do?

 

[derpyderpins]

So what must I do?

No magic answers, but I'd suggest first admitting you have some shortcomings (and probably some great features!) and accordingly start forgiving others for their shortcomings. This in turn will make you nicer to people, so you will understand more, and then you will appreciate the nuance in people more. All of this will make it easier for you to have good back-and-forths with people, which could eventually lead to some great friendships.

 

[sserafim]

They don't exist. Nobody is nice

Everyone is a wolf in sheep's clothing

 

[Ambivalent1]

Everyone is a wolf in sheep's clothing

Not you, belieber

No magic answers, but I'd suggest first admitting you have some shortcomings (and probably some great features!) and accordingly start forgiving others for their shortcomings. This in turn will make you nicer to people, so you will understand more, and then you will appreciate the nuance in people more. All of this will make it easier for you to have good back-and-forths with people, which could eventually lead to some great friendships.

How do I stop judging so much?

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Everyone is a wolf in sheep's clothing

I'm a wolf in hyena's clothing.

 

[xinino]

No magic answers, but I'd suggest first admitting you have some shortcomings (and probably some great features!) and accordingly start forgiving others for their shortcomings. This in turn will make you nicer to people, so you will understand more, and then you will appreciate the nuance in people more. All of this will make it easier for you to have good back-and-forths with people, which could eventually lead to some great friendships.

Nah, just tell them what they want to hear, method is guaranteed.

Everyone is a wolf in sheep's clothing

You got me haha.

 

[1MiserableGuy]

Nowhere. However, if you want the illusion of nice, bars. Keep conversation light, don't bother to share or pry too deep.

 

[thenamingofcats]

What I've learned is that it's almost impossible to tell who is truly nice and who isn't. My parents were seen as philanthropists in the community, always volunteering and doing free work. My mom would intervene if she saw someone yelling at their child in public to make sure everything was okay.

Then they would come home and berate and beat the shit out of their kids.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

What I've learned is that it's almost impossible to tell who is truly nice and who isn't. My parents were seen as philanthropists in the community, always volunteering and doing free work. My mom would intervene if she saw someone yelling at their child in public to make sure everything was okay.

Then they would come home and berate and beat the shit out of their kids.

That could be due to Empathy burnout. It seems like everyone only has a set amount of niceness in them so the more they use it in their day to day lives, the shittier they end up being the rest of the time.

Actually maybe there's a different and better term for it but I forgot what it was. Basically it's the same reason why hybrid car drivers actually end up using more gasoline because subconsciously they feel like since they're saving the environment then they can afford the luxury of driving more.

 

[thenamingofcats]

That could be due to Empathy burnout. It seems like everyone only has a set amount of niceness in them so the more they use it in their day to day lives, the shittier they end up being the rest of the time.

Actually maybe there's a different and better term for it but I forgot what it was. Basically it's the same reason why hybrid car drivers actually end up using more gasoline because subconsciously they feel like since they're saving the environment then they can afford the luxury of driving more.

They were just bad people who used communal narcissism to build their reputation outside the home. They don't have empathy.
I actually don't want to leave being negative on this thread. I do think there are genuinely good people out there. I don't believe in pure good or pure bad but I don't know how you tell who's decent. Maybe look at their kids and partner and see if they're ok. Another red flag is if you know someone fairly well and they always have perfect behavior. I do this because of the autism and I've adopted a mask where I use perfect manners but no one will get to know the real person underneath. One thing people will start to notice is it's never really me, it's a mask. That kind of scripted behavior is suspicious. Maybe they're covering up something like autism but maybe they're covering up a bad personality or some other undesirable thing.

 

[Jorms_McGander]

Communal narwhalism.