Archness
Defective Personel
- Jan 20, 2023
- 468
I want to die, I wish I never existed to have these thoughts, to detract from reality for others, yet this univers just does what it does. I swear.
I considered not doing anything for the time I'll feel this way before it corrects itself, yet I'm gonna do this. Pointless, but... I wish to rebel against that truth. The vanity in that action, for a moment I'll reject and rebel.
Ah, shit, that sounded "weird, abnormal" and "not real". Yeah, I know this forum is the only chance that could really understand these thoughts -just a chance.
I think life is worth living, and that I can create something and etc when I've enveloped myself in dreams and ideas,
But I'm depressed and wanting to ctb seeing my reality, thinking aboiut it, knowing it.
I've never created anything of note, always end up somehow unable. I already ssaid this, already thought this, it's all a damn loop; An endless war in myself against the rules of the world playing out. What is, what I am, where it's going... It's too much.
This writting's shit, for now I won't care. In fact, this is the best I could do, as something actually comes out. Desperation...
I'll stop. There isn't alot I could put into words. It's too much. I thought becoming a writter would help but no. All it did was made me realize the limits of language, this world, myself, etc-etc.
I can't
this was a failiure. this very post, i failed, the goal i had making it.
it's over.
i'm done
i will kill myself
Always knew since a about 3 years ago. But always denied and hoped it would'nt be the case.
I don't want to ctb, but I really do have a choice. Yet I find myself leaning closer and closer to the former descision. It's not the only choice I could make, it's just the one that makes sense.
I hate that a bit; but it is what it is. This world-
done
I considered not doing anything for the time I'll feel this way before it corrects itself, yet I'm gonna do this. Pointless, but... I wish to rebel against that truth. The vanity in that action, for a moment I'll reject and rebel.
Ah, shit, that sounded "weird, abnormal" and "not real". Yeah, I know this forum is the only chance that could really understand these thoughts -just a chance.
I think life is worth living, and that I can create something and etc when I've enveloped myself in dreams and ideas,
But I'm depressed and wanting to ctb seeing my reality, thinking aboiut it, knowing it.
I've never created anything of note, always end up somehow unable. I already ssaid this, already thought this, it's all a damn loop; An endless war in myself against the rules of the world playing out. What is, what I am, where it's going... It's too much.
This writting's shit, for now I won't care. In fact, this is the best I could do, as something actually comes out. Desperation...
I'll stop. There isn't alot I could put into words. It's too much. I thought becoming a writter would help but no. All it did was made me realize the limits of language, this world, myself, etc-etc.
I can't
this was a failiure. this very post, i failed, the goal i had making it.
it's over.
i'm done
i will kill myself
Always knew since a about 3 years ago. But always denied and hoped it would'nt be the case.
I don't want to ctb, but I really do have a choice. Yet I find myself leaning closer and closer to the former descision. It's not the only choice I could make, it's just the one that makes sense.
I hate that a bit; but it is what it is. This world-
done
