Venting Whenever it seems to get better, it just gets worse again.

[OverTheRainbow]

I really hate the phrase ''things will get better". I feel like people that say that really don't understand. Things can get better and then they just get worse again. And it always happens at the time when you finally relax. When you finally say ''hey, things are a little better.' Then the next day things suddenly get worse.

Of course. Of fucking course... I was stupid to think that life can be okay. Every single time I think this I get proven wrong. It's not even anyone's fault.. It's all my fault. I'm not likeable enough. I'm not cool enough. People can live their lives fine without me and that's because I failed to be someone that deserves good things. I'm a cruel person. Life is trying to tell me that I wasn't supposed to be born. My exitence WAS a mistake. There are so many times I want to kill myself. I tell my friends and they just ignore me. Of course that's to be expected. People don't know how to respond to things like that. I just... I wanted them to stop me. I wanted them to try to help. I wanted to feel like I had a purpose. But they don't... And now I don't expect it anymore. I'm trash. I know that now... I've embraced it...

 

[KatieW]

We love you siz.

My worst mistake was believing in false hope that everyone instinctively peddles. Even preachers and politicians often say the most important thing to humankind is hope! Well, it doesn't always work, and in mental illness cases like myself it most certainly has not. Instead of hoping, I should have used my energy and resources to plan a proper peaceful CBT. But hope fooled me once, twice, many times that things would be better despite contra evidence as gradually things fell apart. Marriage, friends, career, family, dignity. Now I'm stuck with a few options with little hope of dying in dignity and peace.

I love you siz.

The biggest lesson from mental illness is end it while you can. Deterioration takes away the good options like flying to Dignitas.

This is just my subjective experience. I wish you the best.

 

[KatieW]

@OverTheRainbow of course I suffer the "why me" curse too. Why was I born at all yet am so defective? The therapist assured me people with cancer, bad hearts or broken legs ask the same. There is no good suffering and I'm sorry for your pain. God loves you above all, and I cling to this to survive the day.

 

[JustAboutDone]

You're not trash, honestly x and it does seem sometimes that life can be so unkind - the minute you get over one hurdle and start to catch your breath it feels like something else hits you in the face.

It's sad that your friends are not being loving and supporting you when you need them most but I hope you can find some support on here xx

 

[Psilo]

Things never get better by themself! Unless you still believe in Santa Claus!

Only YOU can do something about it!

People always say the same bs again and again, they have no clue...

 

[KatieW]

Ethiopian plane crush

Occured early today 8AM (GMT+3). All onboard dead. This is a sad story and I don't feel envious of the victims like I usually do when suicidal. Guess the new meds are working?

Ethiopian Airlines plane crash: No survivors among 157 on board

 

[Redt2go]

Ethiopian plane crush

Occured early today 8AM (GMT+3). All onboard dead. This is a sad story and I don't feel envious of the victims like I usually do when suicidal. Guess the new meds are working?

Ethiopian Airlines plane crash: No survivors among 157 on board

Yay for you**

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

I'm a cruel person.

Do you mind me asking why you say you're a cruel person?

 

[KatieW]

Yay for you**

Oh, hey @Redt2go , is it really a good thing for the meds to work? They fooled me before.. that life can be good.

 

[Redt2go]

Oh, hey @Redt2go , is it really a good thing for the meds to work? They fooled me before.. that life can be good.

I don't think im the best to ask... Plus I've never tried meds... When I get manic I just try to enjoy the high lol

 

[Kristen]

We love you siz.

My worst mistake was believing in false hope that everyone instinctively peddles. Even preachers and politicians often say the most important thing to humankind is hope! Well, it doesn't always work, and in mental illness cases like myself it most certainly has not. Instead of hoping, I should have used my energy and resources to plan a proper peaceful CBT. But hope fooled me once, twice, many times that things would be better despite contra evidence as gradually things fell apart. Marriage, friends, career, family, dignity. Now I'm stuck with a few options with little hope of dying in dignity and peace.

I love you siz.

The biggest lesson from mental illness is end it while you can. Deterioration takes away the good options like flying to Dignitas.

This is just my subjective experience. I wish you the best.

Is exactly how I feel, my brain is slowing down every day. I have pyschomotor retardation, can't hardly have a conversation and am deteriorating, cognitively plus chronic suicidal planning

 

[KatieW]

I don't think im the best to ask... Plus I've never tried meds... When I get manic I just try to enjoy the high lol

How do you deal with depression and anxiety without meds?

 

[interim]

I'm like this, but without the temporal feeling that it gets sometimes better, without any friends (even ignoring my problems), and without creepy women that ask me if I have a girlfriend. Wow, I should be not in this forum at all, but with a rope around my neck (not that I'm not trying). If you had to not be born, not sure what to say for myself. My mother had 2 or 3 spontaneous aborts before me... Maybe this was me, actually trying not to get born, wow... Like one of the endings in the "Butterfly effect"...