K
Kat!
Elementalist
- Sep 30, 2020
- 838
A few days ago I scared my friends, and I feel really bad about it.
I was just reading my messages on discord, from a long time ago, cringing at my old self, and then I got a weird rush of negative-euphoria.
My mind just blanked out, I didn't feel any emotion, I told my friends it's my time. I went into my closet and I stood there with a belt around my neck for about 20 minutes.
I came back all of a sudden and my heart was racing, I was crying, telling myself "I can't wait any longer."
I can't believe it didn't last long, I thought that would certainly be it. I just can't keep chickening over and over.
It felt so peaceful.
I totally embarrassed myself on this huge server I used to be part of on discord. (the old messages I was reading)
In an attempt to be edgy I assassinated my character in front of everyone.
And recently I came back, this one member has been shit talking me for quite some time, and that one message he sent still resonates in my mind.
"Is he gone yet? I wouldn't even know his user. I hope he killed himself."
(another user replies) "Good riddance lol."
I'm stuck between two sides. My brother also told me to kill myself.
Should I live and prove them wrong? Or do I off myself and prove their point.
I was just reading my messages on discord, from a long time ago, cringing at my old self, and then I got a weird rush of negative-euphoria.
My mind just blanked out, I didn't feel any emotion, I told my friends it's my time. I went into my closet and I stood there with a belt around my neck for about 20 minutes.
I came back all of a sudden and my heart was racing, I was crying, telling myself "I can't wait any longer."
I can't believe it didn't last long, I thought that would certainly be it. I just can't keep chickening over and over.
It felt so peaceful.
I totally embarrassed myself on this huge server I used to be part of on discord. (the old messages I was reading)
In an attempt to be edgy I assassinated my character in front of everyone.
And recently I came back, this one member has been shit talking me for quite some time, and that one message he sent still resonates in my mind.
"Is he gone yet? I wouldn't even know his user. I hope he killed himself."
(another user replies) "Good riddance lol."
I'm stuck between two sides. My brother also told me to kill myself.
Should I live and prove them wrong? Or do I off myself and prove their point.