when you see someone talk about suicide or extreme suffering (online or offline), how do you approach the situation?

[Ah.ow]

I mean especially when people stigmatize causes of suffering and suicide.

I worry about risking my account (online) or safety (anywhere) in those settings, like getting removed from a group, or getting stigmatized in person, or worse (like getting confronted or slandered against- and slander has led to being psych-warded when the slander is told to first responders).

I also worry about if me showing someone a place that describes methods in detail, is bad? because I don't oppose them accessing the information. but the situation confuses me when I'm pointing them to it

how do you think about these situations?

I want to relieve some of their pain, and me being associated with suicide and people expressing suicidality seems very risky when the settings are shitty toward things related to suicide. what if i make the person's situation worse?

and, when there's not a way to direct a message to them, such as an anonymous poster on Facebook, when others have commented stigmatically, I am lost what would be clearly safe to the poster but safe for me as a commenter in the eyes of the stigmatic group

 

[TheHolySword]

There are different avenues depending on the situation. Not everyone is looking for this type of forum when they are feeling the way they are. Some want to be seen, to be heard, to be understood. This forum is good for a lot of things but someone struggling with suicidal ideation but wants to recover and live may not do well in this kind of environment, where sources and methods are aplenty. The public eye will also not look kindly on you but that's another story,

I just try to approach with compassion and empathy. I let the person lead the conversation and I follow. Whatever they want to discuss, I will discuss. I try not to offer advice or solutions because most people in that mindset don't want it and won't listen to it (and likely have heard it all a thousand times). With things like this, there's no perfect recipe for what to say. You just have to gauge the situation the best you can and respond accordingly to their needs. The sad truth though is that we will never truly relieve their pain, that is beyond our control

 

[isolatedl111]

I don't know how to talk to humans

 

[banger12]

I mean especially when people stigmatize causes of suffering and suicide.

I worry about risking my account (online) or safety (anywhere) in those settings, like getting removed from a group, or getting stigmatized in person, or worse (like getting confronted or slandered against- and slander has led to being psych-warded when the slander is told to first responders).

I also worry about if me showing someone a place that describes methods in detail, is bad? because I don't oppose them accessing the information. but the situation confuses me when I'm pointing them to it

how do you think about these situations?

I want to relieve some of their pain, and me being associated with suicide and people expressing suicidality seems very risky when the settings are shitty toward things related to suicide. what if i make the person's situation worse?

and, when there's not a way to direct a message to them, such as an anonymous poster on Facebook, when others have commented stigmatically, I am lost what would be clearly safe to the poster but safe for me as a commenter in the eyes of the stigmatic group

Honestly this is always a hard one for me and unfortunately I don't have a good approach. On the topic of suicide I am pro-choice, but not intervening sometimes comes with social and even legal risks. its sad and wish I could offer more help, but I'd advise just give them emotional support. Often that is more help than you'd think it'd be. I used to know a lot of unwell people on discord and you'd be surprised how much it does for people to have an ear and some empathy and another human being. Though I suspect most of what i'm saying may already be obvious and you already know it so im probably just pointlessly annoying. im sorry.

 

[avalokitesvara]

It's a tough one. Even here it feels weird and a bit wrong to directly talk about methods, like you're encouraging someone to die, or making it easier. But If someone has decided to do that then why should they be alone, why shouldn't they get help to find painless and effective methods? But, what if having that info makes someone who could have recovered, die. What if they didn't "really" want to? These are serious ethical and legal dilemmas. It's why certain people are required by law to notify authorities in certain situations if you pose a risk to yourself. It's why most online spaces are highly regulated and restricted in what you can and can't say.

Thank god for this place, at least one place where I feel that it's ok to be open about methods. I think if someone took the effort to find this place and sign up and post, they are on a journey, and it is ok to talk directly about methods and be not-pro-life. If it's in another context like facebook or reddit or something I would be more cautious, obviously because there are rules, but also because the context is not so clear. If someone just wants to vent and then feel better, I don't think linking them to resources about SN or something is a good thing to do. But it's really hard to know. My strategy is to try and be a listening opening ear, not try to give advice, but validate what someone's feeling, ask them questions, try to just be a compassionate listener.

However this can backfire too, I spent hours talking to someone on reddit who seemed very genuine, I decided to believe they were even though I had no way of knowing, then they claimed they were jumping. I am emotionally protected enough to not have got personally involved/invested but it took some effort to be a listening ear and when they said they were jumping of course it affected me, partly because of the doubt over whether it was real or not. Then the next day the same account messaged me on a different account of mine with exactly the same conversational strategy! Sick that some people do that kind of stuff, it was fine for me but if they are reeling in more vulnerable people? It's really the Wild West out there.

 

[Warlord's Pulse]

Honestly most of the time I just overheard the conversation without meddling

 

[dontwakemeup]

1st I always apologize to them for the pain they are in. I acknowledge it because I want them to understand and trust we are here to listen. I think by time people come here they already have ideas and thoughts. I'm pro choice. If you want to go and aready have a method, I'll say yes or no. I don't think that's unethical and I don't feel guilty.

I allow them to lead the conversation and get out their frustrations. I think people who come here are very honest and tell us more than they can tell their friends and loved ones. I let them know, I understand because I've been through it all.

I don't think most people here are actively suicidal, but exhausted with life. There isn't a 1 answer to everyone, each situation is different. The most important is simply listening to me. I don't encourage nor discourage anyone's decision.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

This is the only place where I even see suicidal people in the first place. If I were to see suicidal people on other social media sites and if they claim to be an adult, I will hint at the existence of this forum so that they could die in less horrific and brutal ways. Unlike most people here, I'm not terrified to share method information or even sources to people who are suicidal and want an earlier death. Why should I be if I'm extremely anti suffering and don't want people to suffer in existence? Anyways, I don't really do this because I don't see any suicidal people aside from here and publicly sharing this place would just get me banned from that social media anyway

 

[ineed2die]

I honestly give them the basic cope "it will all work out!!" type shit cause I genuinely cannot find a reason to live for myself or many others.

 

[Forever Sleep]

If people have revealed to me they are suicidal or, have been, I have usually told them I'm the same. I once loosely refered to this place to a friend who I thought might benefit from venting here. But then- I had the same thought as you really. What if it leads them to a method that otherwise, they wouldn't have found? I think maybe it's better if people find it organically themselves.

In our case, my friend said they didn't trust online forums. Plus, while I think they have had ideation in the past, I'm not sure they have it so much now. It's been obvious I still have it from comments I've made and, they've just ignored them. If the roles were reversed, I think I'd be more inquisitive.