yeah.. i think it is one of those things that seems to come in even shorter and more infrequent moments that longer you've been generally miserable.. i think for me, even times where i thought i was completely miserable even a year ago almost seem happy looking back on them now.. it's funny how one form of suffering doesn't seem so bad when put under the perspective of a much worse one.. i'd probably say the last time i felt truly happy and hopeful for the future was December, 2019, but it's not like that moment lasted very long.. happiness feels so impossible now.. so far away from whatever kinda messed up creature i'm continuing to become..
I notice that effect as well. I don't think I'm any less happy, just different but it feels like I was happier then almost nostalgia like. At least that's just how I feel.
I have had ups and downs so it's kind of hard to say for sure. I was definitely more prepared in the past to deal with any waves that may come, now I'm more fragile.
My memory isn't the best, it's kind of a blur to me.
I have felt lonely most of my life but I was happier at one point but it wasn't "happy" happy. I always had things going on at home, no physical abuse but I got in trouble a lot for not doing things right or not paying attention (I have ADHD, so does my mom) and there was lots of yelling. I only had my mom until I was a pre-teen and then she met my step-dad so I was alone often with them and didn't have very many friends because she was protective of me.
The ADHD meds made me reclusive, I got put on them at 7 and I became more shy but I was already shy and awkward to become with.