Venting When the "You can tell me anything" person lies to you

[MyShadow]

I recently confided in a few people about my situation and my thoughts of CTB. These were the "you can tell me anything" and "I am here for you no matter what" people. These were people whom I thought loved me enough for me to trust them. Or so I thought.
My girlfriend told me that she loved me. Pushed me to be vulnerable. To be open. To cry. To tell her everything I felt inside. Told me that we can get through anything and she will be there for me. For us. A week later, she was gone.
My friend, whom I consider to be more of a brother, told me that I was an amazing human and he would be there for me, no matter what. Poof... gone.
My spiritual friend, one who specializes in those who are facing death to help them with breathwork, yoga and fear counseling. I asked for help with helping me overcome my fear. Yep. She disappeared too.

People say that they will be there for you, only to leave the moment things get hard, and it's disappointing.
I need to be heard but am quickly learning that this is a journey that I will take alone. Some people don't have the strength or the courage to know anything more than the trivial stuff. Some people just don't care enough to help or even just to listen.
I have also given up on love. Love is a myth. Love is for children and puppies.

Maybe I am being unfair. Perhaps I am projecting my own values on others. Yet, when someone confides their pain and deepest fears to me I am certainly not going to fucking ghost them.

 

[Dejected 55]

It's a multi-faceted thing. On the one hand it is unfair of us to think anyone can handle the things we are going through. While we want someone to lean on, we can't realistically expect it fully. On the other hand, people are kind of shitty when they can't or don't want to handle things.

I think it's one thing for a friend or partner to not fully be able to handle it and maybe even react poorly... but when they laugh or insult or just straight up bail on you... it tells you several things.

They lied whenever they said "I'm here" or "You can tell me anything." They just straight up lied. Because if you tell someone that, and they confide and make themselves vulnerable... you can't just bail on them. You might be unable to help them and that's fair, but you should tell them this. Tell them you appreciate their trusting you, and you will still be there for them, but you do not know how to help their particular problem. When someone is "there" for you, that's all that is required... to simply be there... they are not required to fix it... just be there as they promised.

And for them to lie and then bail... it tells you that they probably never cared as much as they appeared to, as much as they pretended to, as much as they promised to... because, again, the first response to you being vulnerable can't be to bail IF they actually care about you.

 

[MyShadow]

It's a multi-faceted thing. On the one hand it is unfair of us to think anyone can handle the things we are going through. While we want someone to lean on, we can't realistically expect it fully. On the other hand, people are kind of shitty when they can't or don't want to handle things.

I think it's one thing for a friend or partner to not fully be able to handle it and maybe even react poorly... but when they laugh or insult or just up bail on you... it tells you several things.

They lied whenever they said "I'm here" or "You can tell me anything." They just straight up lied. Because if you tell someone that, and they confide and make themselves vulnerable... you can't just bail on them. You might be unable to help them and that's fair, but you should tell them this. Tell them you appreciate their trusting you, and you will still be there for them, but you do not know how to help their particular problem. When someone is "there" for you, that's all that is required... to simply be there... they are not required to fix it... just be there as they promised.

And for them to lie and then bail... it tells you that they probably never cared as much as they appeared to, as much as they pretended to, as much as they promised to... because, again, the first response to you being vulnerable can't be to bail IF they actually care about you.

The one that stung the most was the now former girlfriend. When she needed me to be there for her, I showed up. She was going through a lot. Her Dad had cancer and she was overwhelmed with fear and pain. She lived an hour away and I still showed up. I knew that I couldn't fix it but I sat there and just listened, held her tight while she cried and unleashed her pain and frustration.

But this past spring, things went really bad for me and it hit me hard. It triggered a huge anxiety attack and the depression hit hard. But when I shared my pain and frustration and allowed myself to be vulnerable, she walked away. I was gobsmacked. I never expected it and man, did it hurt.
It really hurt.

 

[Dejected 55]

The one that stung the most was the now former girlfriend. When she needed me to be there for her, I showed up. She was going through a lot. Her Dad had cancer and she was overwhelmed with fear and pain. She lived an hour away and I still showed up. I knew that I couldn't fix it but I sat there and just listened, held her tight while she cried and unleashed her pain and frustration.

But when things go bad for me, she pulled back. When I shared my pain and frustration and allowed myself to be vulnerable, she walked away. It hurt. It really hurt.

Yeah, there are also people who 100% will use you for your support when they need it, but will turn around and abandon you in a heartbeat when you need them. It's beyond fucked up... I don't have any good things to say that will help in your situation, unfortunately. I haven't cracked the code of human fuckery.

 

[kopebaldy]

Never ever trust someone who says that shit, not even family.

Their "anything" and our "anything" are very different.

 

[Wolf Girl]

I'm sorry.

Honestly? Never trust anyone who tells you they won't leave. They will and they'll feel just fine about it. I hate it.

 

[tend a dead garden]

I recently confided in a few people about my situation and my thoughts of CTB. These were the "you can tell me anything" and "I am here for you no matter what" people. These were people whom I thought loved me enough for me to trust them. Or so I thought.
My girlfriend told me that she loved me. Pushed me to be vulnerable. To be open. To cry. To tell her everything I felt inside. Told me that we can get through anything and she will be there for me. For us. A week later, she was gone.
My friend, whom I consider to be more of a brother, told me that I was an amazing human and he would be there for me, no matter what. Poof... gone.
My spiritual friend, one who specializes in those who are facing death to help them with breathwork, yoga and fear counseling. I asked for help with helping me overcome my fear. Yep. She disappeared too.

People say that they will be there for you, only to leave the moment things get hard, and it's disappointing.
I need to be heard but am quickly learning that this is a journey that I will take alone. Some people don't have the strength or the courage to know anything more than the trivial stuff. Some people just don't care enough to help or even just to listen.
I have also given up on love. Love is a myth. Love is for children and puppies.

Maybe I am being unfair. Perhaps I am projecting my own values on others. Yet, when someone confides their pain and deepest fears to me I am certainly not going to fucking ghost them.

its amazing seeing it here word for " you can tell me anything " equals " i will use you to tell you my problems but as soon as you want to talk about your problems i will disappear"

I'm learning to not trust anyone now, but particularly watch out for those who give the pretence of acceptance and warmth , its akin to the bright marking on a snake delineating "poisonous intent if engaged with .
" ...STAY AWAY FROM THESE POPLE