When someone close to you CTB?

[Iwishiwasafrog]

Has anyone in your life ever CTB? How did you find out? What did you feel like and how are you coping with it now?

 

[Ednospatient]

Suicide in our family is a sensitive subject, my grandpa's relative shot his head off in the late 80's

 

[Rational man]

My Grandad gassed himself. When I met his widow, I understood why he did it!. My dad attempted it by throwing himself under a lorry but he failed. Only my father could have failed at that. I lost two young friends aged 21 and 23. One gassing and one drugs. Both smart and one was the most handsome guy you could ever meet. He had his nose broken in a fight and he thought the slight disfigurement ruined his life. That loss still haunts me. Four work colleagues died over 10 Years, two hanging one gassing and one drowning. To this day, i respect their decisions. Who am I to judge.

 

[WhiteDespair]

yup. cops 12am. had to keep myself from smiling when told. numb and depressed for a few months. felt sad on holidays. doesn't bother me now.

 

[Ligottian]

My great maternal uncle shot himself to death while he had sent his daughter living at home to the store. This was a year before I was born, so I obviously never knew him. There are some more attempts and verbally expressed suicidal ideation I have learned of in my family.

 

[y0dha]

My aunt and my uncle killed themselves by hanging.
My uncle failed 2 times full suspension by being discovered but he did it in the end.

 

[Dot]

yup. cops 12am. had to keep myself from smiling when told. numb and depressed for a few months. felt sad on holidays. doesn't bother me now.

Y stp urslf smilng - ws prbbly shck
Slf dd th sme thng whn mothr lft famly & hd 2 stp slf laghng

Fmly frnd wh slf grw up w/ c.t.b b/ hangng on xms dy 2017
Famly r traumtsd - slf ws nmb b4 n.e.wy

 

[WhiteDespair]

Y stp urslf smilng - ws prbbly shck
Slf dd th sme thng whn mothr lft famly & hd 2 stp slf laghng

Fmly frnd wh slf grw up w/ c.t.b b/ hangng on xms dy 2017
Famly r traumtsd - slf ws nmb b4 n.e.wy

it was joy. hated abuser CtB. I was finally free of that influence. it took me years to understand her after that. now, I see her differently. doesn't excuse her behavior but I now know how she communicated and how isolated and sad she was.

 

[Dot]

it was joy. hated abuser CtB. I was finally free of that influence. it took me years to understand her after that. now, I see her differently. doesn't excuse her behavior but I now know how she communicated and how isolated and sad she was.

Yh cn apprci8 tht
Am gld thngs gt easr

 

[its-about-time]

Only person I knew personally was my childhood babysitter. I was told it was an accident and got the truth many years later.

Been close to people who have had many suicides (attempts and completions) in their personal lives though. Watching my loved one go through the effects of suicide when their loved ones ctb is probably the #1 reason why I'm still here. It's heartbreaking. I don't want to do that to them. But I don't really see any other way anymore.

 

[LostAllHope88]

My mom shot herself this past September. Ironically it's not what made me decide to start planning to CTB, but it has definitely caused me to plan for sooner rather than later.

 

[feels_like_rain]

My best friend did it. I texted her mom because i hadn't heard from her in a couple of days, which was abnormal.
Her mom called me and told me. I was at work at the time and absolutely broke down.
It was over a year ago and i still am not coping with the loss very well at all - i'm crying like an idiot as i type this.
But i am at peace with the fact that she CTB rather than dying some other way. The fact that it was suicide isn't the part that bothers me. I'm glad for her that she is no longer tormented by her thoughts, but I'm just so incredibly sad. I miss her SO much.

Edit: oops, didn't realize this was an old post. Haha. I browse a lot and sometimes forget to look at dates. Oh well

 

[Kattt]

I volunteered to provide members of ASH with a trustworthy contact, who would alert the relevant body once sufficient time had passed, to be certain that they were beyond rescuing. They would give me those contact details and at a given time, I called back just to check, then arranged for them to be discovered.
At first, I had an almost instinctive urge to intervene, that I had to consciously suppress. It was a little surreal, but became easier each time.
Then the day came when it was the turn of a particularly close friend.
That one did mess with my head and still does, partly because the method was a violent one. Their family blamed me (of course). I planted a cherry tree in their memory, which is flourishing and brings a smile to lessen the heavy heart that their absence affords.

 

[lukas19]

Has anyone in your life ever CTB? How did you find out? What did you feel like and how are you coping with it now?

3 who i knew well. 1, a 55yr man, no money, no future, ODed the day his dog died, i could understand why he choose to. 2. 40yr man, 7 children, got married the year before., good job, UK kickboxing champ, loved by everyone, Hung himself, 1,000s turned up to his funeral. i couldn't understand why. 3, 24yr girl married to childhood sweetheart, 4 year old son, ODed, very very sad i couldn't understand why. i cope with it ok because i think about suicide daily, so this just seems to be normal part of life to me.

 

[stermc]

1 uncle did partial hanging. His body was found out by his daughter (my cousin) on father's day.
1 aunt took poison, but was discovered and went to the hospital. Died 2 days after that.
1 cousin shot himself in the head last year and was discovered by his father, who took him to the hospital and he died on the way.
1 childhood friend jumped from a building and also died on the way to the hospital.

To be honest, I wasn't super close to any of them, but I felt weird when I found out.
I went to their funeral and I could only see how desperate and shocked everyone was, especially the parents of my cousin and friend.

Nowadays, I can see that it is still a hard subject to talk about for them, but they are coping somehow.

 

[silence ends]

Grandmother jumped from window, 88 years old. Overall health got worse, was tired. She asked me many times if i could get her something to od with.

My dad tried to ctb when i was 1 year old. Overdosing, failed.

I knew two guys who went front of train together, both under 30. Unemployment, drug/alcohol abusers.

 

[Sparx]

No-one particularly close but I know of 4 people:
1. 28yo man I was in a band with when I was in my teens. Met him again after 10 years about 2 weeks before he hung himself, had only a thumb on his right hand but was still a great guitarist.
2. 21yo man - really funny guy, loved by everyone, hung himself in his attic. Had been out drinking with him & some mutual friends the week before. Found by his roommate (another mutual friend), couldn't understand why he did it. It messed his older sister up.
3. 19yo friend of a friend, last saw him at a party a few weeks before he also hung himself. Again it was out of the blue & messed his little sister up badly.
4. 65yo customer. Had served him the week before he hung himself at home. Possibly had medical problems but again it was very unexpected.

My cousin (45yo man) has had 4 unsuccessful attempts, all ODs.

 

[SeekingOasis]

My mom's cousin hung himself, but I was only a toddler at the time. He had Bipolar Disorder and was in the midst of a really bad depressive episode from what I've heard. It messed my mom's side of the family up pretty badly, it's still a sensitive subject to most of them. His wife died of pancreatic cancer last April.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

- little brother ( suicide by cop)
- friend ( sn)

 

[mafuyu]

My mother tried to kill herself, and I, as a child, made sure that didn't happen. I was scared. She hated me the rest of my life until I never saw her again. I almost understand why.

My uncle killed himself. I forget how. Every now and then I turn on his favorite song and hope to meet him one day. For years I felt guilty, but I just understand him now.